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Hi, excuse the dramatic title but it really has been the hardest few months of my life. Here's a brief history of me.
I'm 34, never had a serious girlfriend probably due to the fact that I have "Phimosis" resulting in uncomfortable sex, so I've deliberatley and actively avoided having sex and entering into any kind of closeness with anyone. I have convinced myself with 100% certaintly that I will never had children or ever even get a girl....and I've been 'ok' with this for years.
I am popular, lots of friends, always had attention from people and am loved by my family and close friends.
Earlier this year a girl (friend of 20 years) and I got together, extremely tentatively at first but good nethertheless and we started seeing each other. It soon came to bedroom time and sure enough, the inevitable moment arrived where I said "it hurts", I got the sweats, cried and we stopped (obviously!). She's the first person EVER to say "it's ok", so as a result I didn't leave, and she didnt either.
She is an amazing person and we've talked about circumsistion etc but he comes the problem. I've become obsessed with breaking up with her, I've become obsessed with "why don't I love her?", it's completely taken over my life, I have lost 2 stone in as many months, I get nervy with every text/phonecall from her, I get irritated with her for no good reason and I'm in a constant (ALL DAY) state of worry/depression to the point it now physically hurts my stomach. I have put ALL the pressure in the world on whether we should be together and I can't turn it off. It's all I think about. I cry between 5-10 times a day, sometimes more and it's time to do something to change this. I don't know what to do. I'm in therapy but it's useless, it's just talking. The girlfriend has suggested (yes, we've talked a lot about all this) CBT so I'm looking into that.
Any advice would be welcomed.
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