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After being overweight for all of my adolescent / adult life, something inside of me finally snapped. For years I have been living, and not achieving my full potential. People think that being obese is down to lazyness and greed. I agree. For years I have eaten whatever the **** I want, because hey - I'm fat anyway, so what does it matter? There has always been a satisfying feeling when I am \"full\", and therefore, I guess I just kept on eating. Fast forward to where I am now.
I can tell you that being obese is a miserable lifestyle. Every aspect of my life is impacted by my weight. Physically, I find things hard to do as I quickly get out of breath, start sweating and begin to get aches and pains... Even things like cleaning the house. Not to mention the potential risk from life threatening illnesses and conditions, such as diabetes, heart disease, strokes, certain cancers and high blood pressure / cholesterol. However, the physical impacts as scary as they are, are not as hurtful as the social and emotional difficulties I have faced through obesity.
I don't have a very active social life. I have a small group of friends who I have known for many years, but when it comes to going clubbing / dancing / any sort of social activity, I always refrain because I feel so self aware, and with zero confidence it just makes me think \"why bother\"? I have never held a relationship that meant something. I briefly dated someone at the beginning of the year, but I quickly left him because I felt that the only reason that I was dating him was to fool myself into thinking that someone actually found me attractive. Professionally, I feel like my performance at work is deeply affected by my current weight. I feel like at work I can't achieve things that I would like to because I feel like I have already been judged as a fat, lazy worthless employee. So it's safe to say that the emotional issues regarding obesity are large (no pun intended, haha). Zero confidence and esteem. I have actually came to the point where I hate myself, and I feel disgusted and bitter that it had to come to this before I was ready to accept the negativity of my current state and find the will power to change my life style completely.
When I was about 17, I joined Weight Watchers (lol) and successfully lost 40lbs through following their point system. I was deluded though. Weight Watchers doesn't teach you anything and at the end of the day, it is a business. They are giants capitalizing on the low self esteem of thousands of people out there. When I think about it now, it makes me laugh at how ridiculous it all was. Paying money every week to get publicly humiliated... Not to mention the money that I spent on their food products. I would of been better off eating cardboard. However, instead of continuing with my weight loss, I was another number in the statistics who not only put on all the weight that I had lost... But more!
Anyway, I just wanted to make this post to get those thoughts / feelings out there. I'm not looking for any kind of pity whatsoever, I just needed to get what I was thinking out of my head. I'm both nervous and scared, but also so excited to actually be beginning this journey. I know that I have a long journey ahead of me, but I'm willing to embrace it with open arms. I'd like to use this post to refer back to and maybe update with achievements and goals as I go.
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