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Hi, I'm a 20 year old male who started using pot at the age of 15(2012). Before I go on, I should add that I come from a toxic background. Emotionally, mentally & slightly physically abusive and narcissistic parents. I believe my immediate family is also toxic and dysfunctional. To continue, my pot use became heavy at 16(2013) and I had stopped going to church up until 2016. I was trying to escape my issues at home. I tried to tell my parents how they were effecting me but that made it worse. At 17(2014), I tried cocaine once and pot use was at least a weekly thing. I was also in the gym heavy, and would smoke after almost every workout. My parents were getting a divorce and in November my grandmother passed. I also stopped eating meat. In Feb '15, I had my first physical fight with my dad and he choked me for a long time, telling me he would kill me. My pot use became even heavier after this. At 18(2015), I smoked almost everyday of the week. My body would always tell me to stop but I was addicted. From Jan. '16 to Mar. '16 I took mushrooms 4 times, along with daily pot smoking. My mind was gone at this point, and in May of 2016 I believe I smoked a PCP dipped joint. I became extremely paranoid and had a very whacky thought process, along with thoughts that would intefere with functioning and life in general. My every move became based off of intuition and feeling. I should add that I was also into conspiracy theories and spirituality at the time as well. I panicked and called my dad for help. I didn't go to the doctor right away but when I did he told me to "sweat out the PCP". I tried to smoke weed again after this, but i started hallucinating. Last time smoking weed or anything recreational was Jan. '17. My Mom moved out Feb. '17. In Mar. '17 I had gotten into my 2nd physical fight with my dad. It ended up the same, with him choking me for an elongated period of time and telling me he would kill me. I went to the hospital and told them about the fight and drugs and they admitted me. I didn't want to be admitted, but I wasn't physically refusing their orders. They still held me down on the bed and shot me with haldol. I had muscle spasms (uncontrollable jaw) and felt like I was going to have a heart attack. The next morning they shot me with cogentin. In the hospital, the doctor said I was showing signs of paranoid schizophrenia and forced me to take seroquel and cogentin medication pills. It's now a year later and I still feel mentally absent due to all the substances and abuse I went through. Other drugs I've also done is alcohol, wax, xanax and lean. I feel very misplaced and trapped in torture. I went from a bright student with a bright future to mediocre, working jobs. Advice from real people would help. Thank you, god bless.
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