5 Years of Drugs, Stress & Abuse/2 Years After Being Laced

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Hi, I'm a 20 year old male who started using pot at the age of 15(2012). Before I go on, I should add that I come from a toxic background. Emotionally, mentally & slightly physically abusive and narcissistic parents. I believe my immediate family is also toxic and dysfunctional. To continue, my pot use became heavy at 16(2013) and I had stopped going to church up until 2016. I was trying to escape my issues at home. I tried to tell my parents how they were effecting me but that made it worse. At 17(2014), I tried cocaine once and pot use was at least a weekly thing. I was also in the gym heavy, and would smoke after almost every workout. My parents were getting a divorce and in November my grandmother passed. I also stopped eating meat. In Feb '15, I had my first physical fight with my dad and he choked me for a long time, telling me he would kill me. My pot use became even heavier after this. At 18(2015), I smoked almost everyday of the week. My body would always tell me to stop but I was addicted. From Jan. '16 to Mar. '16 I took mushrooms 4 times, along with daily pot smoking. My mind was gone at this point, and in May of 2016 I believe I smoked a PCP dipped joint. I became extremely paranoid and had a very whacky thought process, along with thoughts that would intefere with functioning and life in general. My every move became based off of intuition and feeling. I should add that I was also into conspiracy theories and spirituality at the time as well. I panicked and called my dad for help. I didn't go to the doctor right away but when I did he told me to "sweat out the PCP". I tried to smoke weed again after this, but i started hallucinating. Last time smoking weed or anything recreational was Jan. '17. My Mom moved out Feb. '17. In Mar. '17 I had gotten into my 2nd physical fight with my dad. It ended up the same, with him choking me for an elongated period of time and telling me he would kill me. I went to the hospital and told them about the fight and drugs and they admitted me. I didn't want to be admitted, but I wasn't physically refusing their orders. They still held me down on the bed and shot me with haldol. I had muscle spasms (uncontrollable jaw) and felt like I was going to have a heart attack. The next morning they shot me with cogentin. In the hospital, the doctor said I was showing signs of paranoid schizophrenia and forced me to take seroquel and cogentin medication pills. It's now a year later and I still feel mentally absent due to all the substances and abuse I went through. Other drugs I've also done is alcohol, wax, xanax and lean. I feel very misplaced and trapped in torture. I went from a bright student with a bright future to mediocre, working jobs. Advice from real people would help. Thank you, god bless.

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  • Posted

    God bless you as well Supreme Dream 

    I’m wondering if you used that name because you want to believe that your dreams of a better life will come your way.

    I’m so amazed at all of these posts have at least one thing I can relate to.

    The part of your story I can sense a relationship to is the need to escape life with drugs. Your life has obviously been devastating with the way you were raised and abused emotionally, physically and mentally...of course substances that take you out your existence are going to be used!

    I also can relate to your haldal reaction but to extremes as I was given a drug in the same category an anti psychotic called Melarill.. I had a horrific experience for over Two decades..a severe medical diagnosis called Dystonia, a movement disorder, that

    Affected my entire body. I’m not your Doctor nor do I pretend to be... It seems like a lot of your paranoia came from your drug use and I wonder what would happen to your natural self for long periods of time like 5 years of abstinence...You might find that you will feel a normalcy that you never thought possible. My drug escape?  Megadoses of Xanax at one time (15 - 2 mil pills at one time that was my escape for 6 years...You mentioned going to church at one time... I pray for you right now that you can have a spiritual experience 

    where for maybe the first time in your life...you can be filled with peace and a joy that modern medicines try to mimic but really can not. You know what happened to me taking all those Xanaxs at one time for multiple of years?

    I threw them down the toilet just saying to God “help me God, help me” When I flushed the toilet a warmth and peace came over me and I could sense words from God saying...I’m proud of your courage... Stay away from numbing yourself with drugs and I will heal your Dystonia. I went to bed and woke up completely healed of my difficult movement disorder and didn’t have one withdrawal from Xanax... That is Spiritually that is peace.

    I have a Pyschology degree and am in the process of writing my life’s story with a publishing company that is quite well known.

    The hard thing about being a teenager is you tend to live in the moment and think this is your reality, whatever you may be going through you feel that you will be this way the rest of your life. Because of your name “Supreme Dream” It seems to me (and I know nothing) that you do have dreams and believe your existence can and will change for the better!

    It seems like the older I get the more I feel that I know very little... For those of you reading this response to S-D please know that I’m not preaching and I know I don’t have the answers...I’m just relating my personal experiences.

    If anyone is on Xanax, a benzodiazepine if you stop cold turkey you have a possibility of having seizures. This happened to me two times later in my life... Two Grand Mall seizures...By stopping cold turkey 

    Back to you S-D be patient with yourself it takes time to experience physical normalcy...I tell you this however... The happiest years of my life is when I had 10 years clean of harmful substances that were numbing myself from reality 

    I wish this for you my friend and am very thankful that we have this group where we can share honestly with each other without judging one another 

    Speaking the truth can be a powerful tool to have peace in your life!

    I care,

    PRODIGIOUS 

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    • Posted

      Wow, first of all thank you for your input. Hearing your story has given me hope and motivation. Supreme-Dream is one of my artist names. I was also warned about going cold turkey, but I did anyway. It felt weird, but I don't regret it. I just tried to stay consistent on schedule, read, excersise and stay natural. I also decreased phone and electronic use. I found that expressing yourself, not holding yourself back and not letting fear consume you is best. I'm happy to hear that you're healing, god is real. After I had the bad reaction from haldol is when I first heard of dystonia. Where can I get your book? Bless

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    • Posted

      Hey SUPREME DREAM

      I just reread your message to me and was in utter disbelief! Your wisdom and tenacity is monumental for just being 20years of age! You have a real grip on life and discipline in so many diverse areas of your life! 

      God be with you my friend!

      May you continue walking the healthy path you have chosen!

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  • Posted

    Hi S-D

     Thank you for affirming my iMessage to you it means a lot to me to try to help people that I’ve gone through some of the same things I’ve gone through!

    My book is 2/3rds completed

    Haven’t got a name for it yet but I’ll let you know when it comes out… With much care  and gratitude, 

     Prodigious 

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  • Posted

    S-D...I've been an involuntary patient for years cause I keep refusing to take injectable antipsychotic meds. I just got a new doctor a month ago and she finally took me off them. Because of those meds I have eye problems a kidney issue and a very bad bladder. Get off the system if you can by getting off drugs and not hallucinating or having addictions you can't control or they will control you the rest of your life. Your young and can change things go back to church that's a good path to follow. Get help from your doctor for any withdrawals be honest.I've had a very hard time like you have and almost let it destroy me.I'm 56yrs old now and been in and out of hospital for X16years cause of brain damage. I had a great working life before that. Only take what meds you have to for your mental health.Do not fight hospital staff ever as you've found out, you won't win I've been their done that and lost everytime and got even more meds for fighting back. If you get off the street drugs you might find out you do not have a mental illness therefore need no medication whatsoever.You need to go clean to find out and that will be hard. Also you might have depression from your past growing up. Only you know that. There is lots of help now adays reach out and take advantage of it, your young and can make something of yourself. You've already taken the first step by reaching out to all of us on this post. Keep in touch with me I'll try to help. If your still living with your father and your under 18years old report the threats and abuse. you do not need to live like that get the hell out of there before he acts on his threats.If your older than get assistance and rent a room with a nice family where they do the cooking and stuff and that also might help you clean up being in a positive invironment, maybe you even have other family to live with or a shared accommodation.

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