6 months off work and just starting back

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi, I have found ther last 6 months very hard, and took time off work, during which time I have tried Citalopram (which I don't feel worked) then Mirtazapine, which I am not sure if it has helped. I do feel a bit better now and restarted work today, but feel pretty tired tonight, I am so scared but I will dip back into depression, this experience has been the worst of my life. To compound it, though I fear this may be the root cause of it, I really feel I am struggling to resurrect my feelings for my girlfriend, which I feel so unbelievably guilty about, as she has helped me so much and also helped me through my mum's death - the thought of admitting my feelings have just changed hurts me, and I'm scared it will devastate her.

So, really just looking for some insight and helpful ideas,comments etc.

2 likes, 12 replies

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    wait til your head is clear when im depressed i think totally different when im normal depression is strange when you have nothing to worry about i try my hardest to find summit else to worry about but you have to think about yourself is it your feelings for your girlfriend getting you down i was in same situaton after 18 year and 2 daughters i was gutted when i went but after 2 year im happy she is happy and every one else is happy even me well not that happy at moment but that is down to coming off drugs 2 days into a cold turkey all my imotions flooding back cant wait to be normal thats if ther is a normal find wat makes u happy an go for it if your girlfriend met some one famous she wouldnt giv u a second luck think of it that way then its not that hard finishing good luck
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  • Posted

    Hi Jason

    Sorry you have been through the wringer. I was the same as you, citalopram for six months and remained ill. Then I got mirtazipine, which yanked me out of depression quickly. Fatigue is still a problem, but I guess it's all part and parcel of recovery. Well done for getting back to work, I imagine that was difficult to face, but wonderful achievement!

    It's a tricky situation with your girlfriend, it sounds like she's been your rock over a difficult period in your life. I would say don't make any major decisions until you are absolutely certain. once you say something to your girlfriend, you can't take it back. if you do retract it, things wouldn't be the same. She may forgive you, but deep down she will question the relationship. Have a good long think before saying anything and if you still feel the same in a couple of weeks, then the kindest thing would be for you to tell her. its never easy but you will find the right words if and when the time comes.

    In the meantime concentrate on your recovery. Try not to worry too much...things have a habit of turning out ok.

    God bless ♥♥

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  • Posted

    Hi I'm fairly new to experiencing depression myself having only been diagnosed 5 months ago although it has been affecting me for over a year. My ex boyfriend however suffered from depression throughout our 7 year relationship in particular in the last year. During the last 9 months of our relationship he had an affair which he blamed on the depression and need for attention which he wasn't getting from me (I was starting a new business and working elsewhere). He begged me not to leave him which I didn't initially but whilst we were trying to make it work i felt that his feelings towards me were different. After 2 months he did tell me he loved me but not in the same way and we split. Yes I was left devastated but looking back i wish we had ended it earlier - trying to make something work out of guilt won't work. I resented my ex more because I gave up the chance of my dream job because he didn't want to move yet he wasn't as committed as me. It ended with a nasty break up. I suggest being honest with how you feel - long term it will probably be best for both of you.

    I just started mirtazapine 2 days ago having switched from sertraline. Not that happy about it having read about the possibility of weight gain - this is a big issue for me as I have suffered with eating disorders in the past and I'm just starting to slip down that path again. My husband and me got into an argument about my reluctance to take so I took but I'm worried that if I put on any weight I will freak out. GP prescribed it to help me sleep as well which hasn't happened although I feel lethargic and really had to force myself to get up this morning. I'm due to return to work Monday having been off since November (I've also had surgery during this time) and I'm worried that I won't cope especially if the mirtazapine doesn't have any effect.

    Hope you can find a way out of your dilemma x

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    • Posted

      Mirtazepam works better in small doses ie.split your tablet in half, take half,at night and two quarters in the day, it worked for me.

      Hope it helps. Xxx

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    • Posted

      I'll give it a try. I'm tempted to go back to the sertraline as I was feeling a bit better on them but stopped taking (without doctors consent). I was very much against tablets initially but I was improving. My husband however was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I just thought what is the point. Luckily I've got a very understanding GP who said he wasn't there to lecture about not taking the tablets and is trying to help me find a way out of this. I haven't slept properly for nearly 3 weeks and being 6 weeks post op as well getting a good night's sleep is a priority.
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  • Posted

    If you don't love her any more, please let each other find happiness

    But if its the depression distorting your thoughts then wait till your mind is clear.

    Or why not have a temporary seperation and see how your feelings are then

    This gives you plenty of options.

    Hope it helps x

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  • Posted

    If you don't love her any more, please let each other find happiness

    But if its the depression distorting your thoughts then wait till your mind is clear.

    Or why not have a temporary seperation and see how your feelings are then

    This gives you plenty of options.

    Hope it helps x

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  • Posted

    if you won 50 million tommorow would you feel depressed still
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  • Posted

    didnt think so so stop whingin an get on with your life
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    • Posted

      You are out of line John! This forum is for people who are vulnerable in recovery. When you have this illnes money means nothing. Did you respond to make yourself feel better? Clearly your not here to help others! I can only conclude you have either no friends and nothing to do, or you have your own issues to deal with. In the meantime I suggest you keep your nasty comments to yourself.

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    • Posted

      Sorry John

      Just seen your earlier message to Jason. I thought you had just jumped in to have a go! We seem to be getting that lately!

      Sincere apologies but I meant what I said about the money part lol!

      God bless and sorry again

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  • Posted

    Many thanks to those of you who provided positive feedback, I am working through things as best as I possibly can and have also returned to work which I hope will be a big help to me. I think I'm scared that things will never get better or the darkness will return stronger one day, I do tend to catastrophise and worry too much about things, if I could control that more, I think I would find myself in a better place quicker!
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