7 Years

Posted , 3 users are following.

I’m 20 years old and for the past 7 years, my desire to feel normal has grown to the point of suicide feeling like the only option left. I haven’t been diagnosed by a medical professional, but I know what hs is and what it’s done to me. I know I have to. I will. But I have this thinking that if I put it out there, even to a doctor, that if someone other than myself knows I have this disease, no one is going to see me as I am. Normal. And there’s nothing wrong with being different, but I don’t think I’ll be able to live with someone knowing my “different” is a disgusting, incurable, skin disease. I feel trapped. All of my friends and family are moving on with their lives, getting engaged, married, having children, when it feels like isolation is my only option. I told myself once, several times, everyday, I would be okay being alone. But I’m not. It f*****g hurts. I want to be able to decide whether or not I want to date or have a family. Instead hs chose for me. I tell myself sometimes I should be grateful my hs isn’t as debilitating as I know it can get. I tell myself I should be lucky it only hurts sometimes. That it could have been much, much worse. But f**k that. I’m not grateful for those things. I’m don’t feel lucky for suffering less than others. No one with hs should feel like that. No one should have hs at all. I want to find motivation. I want to go to a doctor. I want to get treatment. I want to feel like a person. I’ve never in my life opened up about this. I really hope it gets better. I’m tired. 

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  • Posted

    Hi feelinirie

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards


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  • Posted

    HS sucks. It does. I’ve had it since I was 15, and I know that it feels like it will never get better. Even though the disease doesn’t ever really get better, there are things that you can do about it. Pharmaceutical treatment didn’t work for me. Nothing ever changed. But then I found a really excellent dermatologist who referred me to a really excellent plastic surgeon and I have so far had it HS removed from three sites on my body. I am soon to have it removed from my backside, where it’s the absolute worst. I feel better every day and I know you will too once you seek the treatment that you so desperately need. You are not alone in this and isolation is not the answer. He will get through this but you need to have someone to lean on.
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  • Posted


    I am so sorry you feel this way, but I am glad you have opened up about how terrible things are for you, because this is an awful disease and I was diagnosed with it three months ago and I am already at the stage where I am totally fed up with it, I can't even lift my arms properly because my armpits are so sore, but the light at the end of the tunnel is that my doctor is going to send me to see a dermatologist, so I will take it from there. Also if you chat or read in this discussion group, other members have suggestions that might help and I have found this very useful.

    If I was you I would go to your doctor for some help with this and also for the depression side of it, perhaps he or she could refer you to someone professional to talk about it. You can't do this on your own, you are only 20 years and you have this awful disease, but it doesn't mean you will never ever meet anybody because of it, but you need to get some help first, the first step is to see your doctor. Please go and see him/her.  Remember one step at a time.

    Good luck and take care.

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  • Posted

    Hey , 

    did you know 1 person in 100 have HS , yup there are a ton of us out here dealing with this every day , sure it's awful and we all feel that our lives are on hold because of it , but hey I'm not letting it beat me , there is help please go see someone about your feelings getting your mind healthy first is your first step , then see what others can do to improve the situation for you, your important and have people who love you even though they probably don't know what's underneath your clothes. There's lots of support ideas and help on this site too, so go to the drs it will give you the support you need. You've taken a big step here so a massive well done 

    stay strong 🤗


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