A feeling of helplessness...

Recent valid arguments show people coming forward defending girls in promiscuous clothing, they are not asking for rape.

Is in any condition to give an undeniable consent?

Say, a 26 year old female, who is me, who is an active severe drug addicted, DOC being heroin, at any point, because of her state of mind, contents of her pocket, is she to fend for herself? Denied of protection?

My first attack was not of sexual assault, but it formed a terrorizing ideal in my head, if I was carrying a personal stash, or within 3 days of my last use, dialing 911 was not an option I had. It forced me to pose a question in my head, one that was theoretical, which action would I take? Call 911 for police to get this man in custody, he had knocked me around, punched me in my face, threw me to the ground, stole my phone (so I couldn't call for help) stole my car keys, started my car, with my captive in the passenger seat, threatening me with violence, and carrying those threats out. I finally managed to get him to pull over off the highway, As he jumped out of the car he sliced two of my tires and ran off. (Unbeknowns to me until a short time later, he was calling 911, saying a crazy girl on cocaine threatened him with a knife).  I was running through the streets, scratches all over me, blood coming out my nose, hysterical, crying for help. I managed to have someone pull over, they dialed 911 for me, I thanked them and began walking back towards my car to help, still crying at this point.  The cops showed up threw me in the back of the cruiser IMMEDIATELY, took me to my car, searched it, searched me, found paraphanelia, ignored my pleads that I was attacked, and booked me into jail. They arrested him for criminal mischief and possession of paraphanelia, but no kidnapping, no assault charges. Luckily a good friend bailed me out...

After that incident, three years later, I found my self being pestered by someone I obtained drugs from, for a b******b. I continuously denied, until I hear a click, look up, and see a gun pointed right at my forehead, I was forced into sexual acts I DID NOT WANT, but feared my life was in danger. After I ran out. I couldn't call the cops, I had a record, they would probably arrest me, and at this point, I thought, just let him have his way with me, he'll let me go. The cops would arrest me, throw my name in the paper, force me to detox in jail cold turkey and I'd have another charge on my record making it difficult to find work...

 Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I shouldn't feel sorry for myself for going through these situations, I don't know whether or not it is right for me to feel like I have basic human rights and no one should be able to have their way with me. But I know that is wrong, but at the same time, I am getting to th point where I'd rather let this man have his way with me than face the consequences to my illegal behavior at the same time. IT's a confusing situation and I do not know how I should feel or what is right.

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