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A little confused

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Quovadis
Quovadis

I am a 61 year old male. It feels that I have gone through  a hedge backwards ... I seeked help as I felt so low, to end my life was a serious option ... Months later after many drugs, tears, nightmares weird dreams panic attacks etc, feeling really rough and the diagnosis of being bi-polar  I decided things werev getting out of hand ... I stopped all medication (advising my GP) and sat tight and requested a second opinion.  Things have got better after drying out ... and at times I feel OK ... however I tink this is due to me no longer working , or interact with people except my wife as these are triggers to me and cause me problems ... my anger threshold is quite low so if I feel people are blocking me or just being awckward (especially say a medical secretary trying to stop me seeing a doctor or send an email etc) the rage takes over and it takes hours for me to release .... I have had a meeting with a new psychiatrist and he has an open mind on the first bi-polar diagnosis due to my age .... however as   mentioned to him , when I undertake say three bi-polar screen tests . they all seem to come back more than positive .... I am now a little confused now as to where I am and what I am ..... any suggestions please ? 

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3 Replies

  • coxluke
    coxluke Quovadis

    Posted

    Is this the first time you hd such a major depression? I have hd problems since i was 17 but only told I was bipolar last year at the age of 45.

    A lot of what you say I can relate to. A lot of time with bipolar it is missed as peope only seek help during the depression stage and not during hpermanic stage which looking back I have had quite a few duing the years.

    There is a good chance you are bipolar and had it many years without it being picked up on and has taken a major episode to bring it to light.

    I take medication and would not stop as my moods are so unstable but a lot better on medication but the choice is yours.

  • Quovadis
    Quovadis

    Posted

    Hi, the depression has been with me for years .... but the last few weeks seem to have been ok ...so I am thinking I am OK now, but then you have so much self doubt and perhaps dont feel quite normal . The question of the open mind of the second opinion has I think came as a bit of a shock as I was hoping as crazy as it sounds to hear that it is bi-polar ... the reason for this thinking was ...at least aia know for sure what I am dealing with ...now its back in the melting pot.   I feel a bit of a fraud, as its always in the back of your mind that ...indeed its all in your mind and sometimes when you sit there ...you wonder why you are there ... so to me all this is confusing as I am not sure where I am (again) ... I am OK , but these things keep floating through me .... 
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