A little more help for a husband whose lost

Posted , 8 users are following.

My wife and I are not in agreement about her being in perimenoause. The symptoms she has that I have noticed seem to come and go and are not very extreme yet: deep tissue pain, ibs, head aches, heavy periods, heart palpitations, forgetfulness, overwhelmed feeling. She has had signs of all of these. My question is this, the deeper she gets in peri will the symptoms worsen? I Know not all women are the same but as a rule do they star light and intensify the closer to menopause they get?

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Unfortunately, they can get worse over time. Getting on something to help her get through maybe what she needs medical or herbal.
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  • Posted

    Hi.,

    Yes. I would say she is definitely in Peri. You didn't say how old she is but I am 47 and have been in peri for a few years

    My sister is also and 4 years younger. She has all the same symptoms and they got worse over time and also fluctuate every few months in severity and new symptoms. Please try and be patient with her because stress makes it much worse. My dear husband has been the most wonderful even though he doesn't get much sleep with my insomnia.

    Peace

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  • Posted

    Hi Richard

    First i have to say YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND!!!

    As far as how bad will get depends on the woman..Mine started with mild headaches, dry mouth, irritation and mood swings, mild aches and pains and then  escalated to me being a raging maniac, major panic attacks, unhappy, crying all the time and going in out of dr's and hospitals thinking something horrible wrong!! The symptoms are come and go every week something different!! Here I'm almost 6 years later and things are getting better.. i can see my old self picking throughsmile and of course still have some bad days but not every day..I use  to stay in the house worrying not wanting to go out, still do but i start seeing days i wanna get up and go take a drive or see a movie which before you never would get me in there..You just be supportive to her, she will need you more then ever...

    I do have anxiety and worrying alots for my family that something horrible will happen and nightmares is so bad i don't want to go to sleep..

    i decided to take the natural way through this, no HRT and my dr agrees what doesn't kill you makes you strongersmile help her and watch funny movies with her ( i can tell  you i watched every episode of the golden girls and Andy Griffith, i'm not sure where you are)smile she will be ok...Reading books, taking vit D and eating healthy really helps!!

    Good luck!!

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  • Posted

    I am wondering what you are disagreeing about.  Does one believe that she's in peri and the other one doesn't?

    I think that the best thing for her to do is to get a referral to a gyn to find out exactly what's going on.  Though peri and menopause are usually a part of each woman's life, if she is not, she should be seeing a physician regularly. If you want to support her, it would be an excellent idea to go with her.

    Unfortunately, perimenopause and menopause are sort of chameleon states.  You and your wife could be attributing a symptom to the change of life that might actually have nothing to do with it and be attributable to a different health problem.

    So, if she hasn't been seeing a doctor regularly, it's a good idea to start.  Without baseline information, for instance, such as a metabolic panel, or CBC, it would be difficult for a doctor to know if anything has changed with her. Better safe than sorry.

    Just my thoughts--and best of luck to you both!   

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  • Posted

    Sorry, she is 43. She doesn't think it's peri and I feel it is. She is due now for her annual gyn visit and I am going with her. Things have changed so much in the last year that our lives are a real struggle. We have become roommates and no longer husband and wife. That was the first thing I noticed and got me to research things. I had never heard of peri but I am learning more everyday. There is no love going on at all but I don't care if it takes 20 years, because at 20 years and 1 day I will be the happiest man alive when we get through this. Ironically she is a nurse practitioner and has probably diagnosed 20 women with this and doesn't see it in herself. That is also a contributing factor. She works at least 10hours a day at the office then comes home and charts on the computer until after midnight five days a week. No one can keep that up. I will love her til the end I just want her to be healthy and enjoy life and our kids. There is no woman in the world that deserves it more than her and I need to find a way to help her through this and me being selfish, I want to feel a heartfelt hug from her again!

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  • Posted

    Hi Richard, unfortunately, for me at least, the symptoms of ibs, anxiety and palpitations have intensified since periods stopped 14 mths ago to the point where i now have panic disorder and am on a range of anti anxiety meds as well as having CBT. I had been going to my docs for 2 yrs and kept being told it was too early to test for menopause, so ive not had treatment till now, by which time its completely upturned my life. Hot flushes were more peri meno, i dont have them often now, joint pain was for a cple of yrs in peri, not had any of that this past year. I used to be a chronic migraine sufferer, now i rarely have one. So some symptoms have improved but the palps, anxiety and ibs are more intense and frequent. Everyones different though and if your wife gets help whilst in peri hopefully she won't get the severe problems I'm now dealing with. Im now on betablockers so the adrenalin dump in panic attacks dont send the heart crazy, but they dont prevent palpitations, sertraline antidepressant for anxiety (im not depressed...yet lol), diazepam when needed for high anxiety which does increase when first on antidepressants and hrt patches. Its the palpitations which started off the anxiety a cple of yrs back, but now im on sertraline and hrt, these can cause palpitations too, so its one vicious circle. Had 2 normal ECGs, last one showed something to do with atria that doctor couldnt explain even after talking to a cardiologist! And got to have one on 21st to see if meds are causing heart rhythm changes. Sorry its such a long post...i hope your wife has a doctor who will help her sooner rather than later so she doesnt het to my stage. All the best.

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  • Posted

    Hi Yes she is definately peri. I have all the same signs and symptoms only I have terrible lower back ache,heavyfeeling in legs and pains in my pubic bone. It all feels like when I was in the last weeks of pregnancy. Ihave been like this for over a year. Tell your wife to try starfloer oil 1000mg and evening primrose oil 1000mg. They help the mood swings and aggitation.I have also started using ladycare magnet from Boots. Early days only been using for three weeks but sleeping pattern seems little better.

     

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  • Posted

    Richard this may help a little. When peri started I was filled with self doubt and insecurities. I felt I wasn't me anymore and my husband wouldn't want me as I wasn't the woman he fell in love with. Neither of us knew about peri and so my moods etc were confusing to us. I felt he didn't want me and he'd be better off without me. I was probably pushing him away while at the same time constantly wanting reassurance he still loved me. 

    A few years down the line I've started hrt and learned loads from this forum and we are stronger than ever. My husband gave me space, he's not good with 'woman stuff', while still showing he cared. We talked on long walks and weekend breaks. I tried to explain how menopause made me feel. 

    We are best friends and lovers again. 

    Hope you can find a way forward with your wife too. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply, I am wondering have your feelings of self doubt and your insecurities diminished? My wife tells me we are no longer compatible and doesn't feel the same way for me and I'm hoping if those feelings are brought on by peri will they subside as time goes on. Your story has given me hope for our future, thanks again for sharing

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    • Posted

      Yes. Once I realised that the thoughts I was having were irrational, brought on by fluctuating hormones I was able to talk myself round. I learnt from ladies on here that irrational thoughts are a peri symptom. I would still prefer to be the young vivacious, go out anywhere anytime girl, but I now accept that if I feel like staying home because I can't face socialising it's ok. My husband can still go if he wishes and I won't panic about it. Though I now do make the effort to go out but always have a plan of how to get back home as soon as I need to.

      Accepting my feelings and learning how to deal with them gives me a good feeling of empowerment.

      Remind each other of when you were compatible and try to recover and relive those moments.

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  • Posted

    Hi Richard,

    I read through the replies to your original post, and it does sound like peri to me.

    In fact, before I recognized I had entered peri, I was working crazy hours in the tech industry. I can tell you without a doubt that kind of schedule will make symptoms worse (at least for me), and that it was a real, brutal adjustment for me to slow down and pay attention to what my body was trying to tell me. I cried on my husband's shoulder many times. Feeling used up, worthless and hopeless. Although for many women, they instead feel more like the love is gone. (Estrogen really is one of the hormones that give women that loving capacity... when it dips, it is natural to feel less love-y).

    When my visit to the ER that turned out to be a panic attack and not a cardiac problem, I had a very kind ER doctor remind me that if he could talk himself into not burning out, then I could do the same, but it would take some work on my part... no one could do that for me.

    I have tried a lot of things. Eating real food and supplementing with magnesium, B Complex, Calcium and Vit D have taken the edge off. I have done short-term rounds of HRT when things get really out of whack. Massage really helps me, but I have to save that for when things are really rough... expensive where I am. And I do actively constantly remind myself that I am a normal woman, not an abnormal being. This forum has been a God-send in that regard.

    God Bless you and your wife!

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