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My daughter grew up with a volatile mother and my undiagnosed mental illness. Not until a year ago at 48, I was diagnosed and properly treated. Still under going medication changes. My heart is broken, my spirit has left because I mourn the kinder, more loving, solid foundation my daughter's childhood needed. She now knows the severity of my mental illness and learning disability. However, all what happened still happened. From my heart and soul I have apologized for every hurt, pain, and tear I caused her. I pray with all my heart that she will come to forgive me. She told me she doesn't want to get to close and this is why we live thousands of miles apart. I will never be able to redo motherhood as a mother who 's bipolar is being treated. We have suffered so much. She is doing better and living physically and mentally a distant life.
Literally since my diagnosis, I weep and mourn intermittently through oiut my day. Its rare to go more than two days without sobbing. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, I don't know if she will send me a text to acknowledge Mother's day. My heart can't bare it and I have seriously looked into suicide societies outside of Canada. I use all my supports, take my meds, and fearfully and wearily am trying to participate daily.
Please share with me, because I sure could use some friendly faces.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it.
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