A mother's severe mental illness tears apart her relationship with her daughter, please share

I hear you. I was diagnosed and treated late in life like you. I feel the guilt and shame of how I parented my sons actually. Some days it's like a stone that weighs me down so much I can't move. I don't share this with them. They do know it is a struggle some days.

That said, it's a long road to forgiving yourself. The past is the past. You cannot change that. Your best chance is to keep taking your meds, look after yourself and show your daughter you are committed to being well.

Maybe you can 'negotiate' with your daughter that you exchange emails each month. That way you know whats happening in her life and you can show her you are still ok. Frame it so that its not about being 'close' but just being in touch.

I think the more you apologise for what happened, it could push her further away. You cannot take her pain away, you can ease her future. Your relationship may never be that warm cosey one we would all like. Accepting the reality of that is your next big hurdle.

If you have come this far, you can take the next step and baby steps that follow. Be kind to yourself. Stick with your meds etc.

Most importantly of all, know you aren't alone in this. All of us bipolar mums have struggled and we still do. Good karma vibes and hugs to you.

Ally

I am a little like you although with me my basic condition was caused by a bad childhood. This extended into my adult life and my Depression is caused by a Chronic medical condition I was just diagnosed after five weeks of tests that I have a conjenital Short Term Memory Disorder, on top of the Reactive Depression and that has also affected my married life and not having any children of our own. My Wife has been a saint and to say I am a terror on occasions is a light way of looking at my condition of over fifty years.

You are at a position in life where you know the damage your condition has caused and you also understand the feelings your daughter has towards you. There is very little you can do but say sorry, you have now done that and now you need to give yourself a break and accept you need to move on with your daughter and hope in the future She will allow you back into Her Life.

It is so very important you take your medications they will stabalise your condition and control any rapid changes you may have.

Does your Daughter have a husband or any children yet, if this is the case, send her a Mothers Day Card, that may break the ice somewhat. You can of course call her as it is to late for a card and try and talk without saying sorry. You need to move on, even though you know you still have problems.

In my case I went to a Day Centre that dealt with mental health suffers, I became their Information Officer for ten years and the support I was given was extremly valuable so look for something like that as I understand you have been doing that.

In the UK we also have charities and Mental Health sites like this where you will get support from. Do you have any type of centre on Web or withn society you can go to when needed.

All I can say is be kind and understanding with your daughter and hopefully all will sort out in the future. Mental Health concerns can really do some damage that takes time to rectify it may not happen it is al up to you.

Do not use your condition from now as an excuse for any bad behaviour, you are still a reponsible adult who needs to accept their failings and get on with your life.

If you feel suicidal others will feel worse because of it and will never recover from your selfish act. I do not know the situatn in Canada when someone feels suicidal, if you feel really bad call your Health Emergency line and ask for help.

Good luck for new times with your daughter all should work out in the end

BOB

Dear BraunWynn,

My heart is with you, especially today on Mother's Day.  I had a simular situation, undiagnosed until 55. I had two sons, neither of which has any contact with me, even though they have started their own families and must understand the incredible connect that parents have to their children.  When people ask I just answer that we are estranged and they rarely ask anything more.

I continue to work very hard to combat the erratic behaviour caused by bipolar disorder.  I take my medication, attend an online bipolar education group try to be introspective. I don't know if M & D will ever be back in my life, they are grown men with their own families.

I wish you well in your relationship with your daughter - it's really one of those "one day at a time" situations. All you can do is to get strong and as comfortable with the illness as possible, in that process I think that your daughter will eventually come back to you. She may need to go through her own grieving process and may not be able to muster up the forgiveness you want and need -

It's my hope that your daughter will send you a Mother's Day message today. I'm still trying to learn what the impact of my illness and behaviour had on my kids and husband. It can feel like a very lonely place to have a diagnosis of bipolar. There are many good people out there with similar challenges, this is a good place to meet them.

Hi BraunWynn.

I saw your post earlier, the day before Mothers Day here, but didn't have the strength of mind to respond.

I have two children. My daughter is the eldest and walked away when she felt she had the means to, i suppose. I have not seen her in many years because she cannot deal with me being bipolar. She also has her own demons to face.

My son stood by me, and still does to this day. He is amazing and helps me in any way he can, even if i don't need it. He has seen me at my very worst and at my best, and has not faultered in his stance with me.

My daughter saw nothing and experienced nothing except what she created.

I know bipolar is hell to live with, harder to understand, and with my daughter having borderline personality disorder, one would think she would understand to some extent what it's like.

I don't blame her for leaving, but i do feel that she left because she knew my son wouldn't. I know she would have left even if i had no other child.

I miss her every day and love her no less, but i have accepted the fact i will never see her again or hear her voice.

She has no contact with her brother either.

It's a terrible loss and shame which is felt every day, but she obviously felt she needed to go for herself. I can't and don't blame her for it. No apologies can undo what i have or haven't done. It doesn't get easier, especially when a daughter will always be your little girl.

I hope your daughter returns when the time is right for her. In the meantime, enjoy the contact you do have. You are lucky, some of us end up with no contact at all.

I would also like to say something on the weed issue that was brought up and responded to. I have done a lot of research into this and found that "pot", as it was put, can actually have a positive effect on many of those inflicted with bipolar and other disorders. Those who develop psychosis have an existing underlying problem and are susceptible to becoming psychotic with or without weed, but this does not always occur.

Please don't give up. I am also a mother and I know how you feel. I have suffered from emotional problems, I will call them. I'm reluctant to say mentel problems, because I feel like mine are more emotional, if there is a difference. I have 2 young daughters and they have seen my ups and downs, but through it all they know I know love them and they have forgiven me. I always say I'm sorry if I do or say anything out of line. Remember nobody is perfect. No childhood is perfect. I have taken Zoloft off and on for many years even before I had kids. Think about the good. Focus on the good. Feel glad that your daughter is doing well. It's good that you are focused on your life now. The happier you are the happier everyone in your life will be.