A New Years Revolution

Posted , 5 users are following.

Dear all,

I thought I'd like to let you all know that my human cycle has entered it's 8th day of N+ / any codeine whatsoever.

This is a big deal for me, for today, I felt horrible; rotten and I know exactly why that was - a complete craving for codeine which I denied - I abused my buprenorphine script and ran out 3 days ago and boy, is my body screaming for relief now.

Like a stupid idiot, I succumbed - I'm an addict. But I pick up my buprenorohine script tomorrow and will stick to it! I started bupes at 6mg per day and am now down to 2mg; and like many of us I'm sure, there is a fear of running out of the lastv one 'crutch'.less we change our daily habits.

But please, overcome that fear - quit the codeine - I've had bright red blood in my stools, and like an alcoholic who's jusy been sick, drinks again in case they lose the buzz.

I have been checked out - My GP sent me straight to hospital for an overdose situation -  vials of blood were taken and suicide questions asked. I am lucky, I was OK. I wouldn't have hesitated to have gone straight to a chemist today in deception of the 'last 32' bearing in mind I pick up my helping script tomorrow. The 'last 32 will one day be my last, as I won't be able to take anymore - I'll be dead.

Best of luck all and everyone for 2017, message me for advice I know every ruse. 

Rich

 

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  • Posted

    I was on n+ for years, up to 80+ per day. Ended up in hospital twice due to low iron in my blood because of the bleeding the ibuprofen causes. Blood in the stool was the big indicator. 

    Have you been on the bupe for long? I'd recommend trying to stick to it and not abusing it. Trust me, I've tried to abuse it in the past as much as I can with it and just cannot get a high from it. I know some people say they can. Maybe it's different for everyone. Anyway, the reason I asked if you had been on it long is because maybe you haven't given it a chance to work properly yet? I know it's half life is only a few days, but still, I think it's good to get into a routine for it. One of the benefits for me being on the bupe is that it allowed me to get out of my old habits. Before I didn't feel like I could enjoy a Saturday nigth without being high. Now I'm fine. I have so many naps, it's great, lol. When I first started on the bupe I did have a few lapses though and took codeine, but it always just made me sick and now it's kind of conditioned me that whenever I think about taking n+ I feel sick. Which is a good thing. Overall though I feel like the bupe has been a godsend. I've tapered down to less than half my original dose and am continuing to taper roughly every four weeks on average. It's a slow taper but it's consistent and it works for me.

     

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    • Posted

      Hi, thanks for the reply.

      3 months, 6mg daily now down to 2mg daily in a nutshell, and absolutely on track after a couple of blips - no rehabilitation program for any substance will be a straight line graph of improvement.

      This is my second 'phase' of bupes - the first time, I was in such a mess with alcohol and dpression that I gave up.

      This time, I lapsed once on the bupes - even in the second time around (ie this phase), I'd feel great on pick up day (I'm 'trusted' to pick up twice weekly), because of my nature, I'd kid myself I could go the 2 days before the next subutex pickup. No! Off to the chemists for N+ for the 'last 32' - I imagine you know the score!.

      At Christmas, I spent with my mother and she knows about my codeine addction, and I lied and said I was trying to come off everything and deliberately left some medicine at home as I'd used it all by Chrismas, including the valium (I have 3 x 5 mg daily for support). So as I'd gone throught he entire weeks worth due to odd chemist opening times, I fenno'd it 32, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and returned home on the thursday (64).

      This is thge crucial bit - why do we do it or did in the first place? Think really hard on that. I have tried every SSRI anti depressant that I knew of, and one day, I felt so low, hoping I'd die of a second heart attack (I had one exactly 3 years ago, I'm 55). I knew though that it is a very selfish thing to do and would destroy my 4 grown up children and my fantastic mother.

      Almost in passing the doc suggested mirtazipine. Why not, because it's always an underlying cause to abuse be it depression, lack of confidence, low self esteem, and I felt so so depressed. - and blow me - they worked, and having tried prozac on 40mg per day for ten weeks, my doc agreed it was a fair trial, and the strange thing is I know that they can take anything up to 6 weeks to kick in - mine kicked in immediately.

      The downside is they make you sleep extremely well (hence they recommend taking them at night), and they make you eat ike a horse! I'm a 6 foot 1 skinny bloke - no problem!

      But to answer your question and thankyou for the concern, I am sticking to the bupes - I'm on day 9 of absolutely zero N+. I made a date relative spreadsheet showing how much to date I'd saved - 

      £52.11. 212 N+ I would have taken. I had achey bones yesterday and a nagging headache which I knew to be a 'give me codeine now' syndrome. I went two days without bupes, so I lem sipped it and listened to Pink Floyd.

      To all, find the root that made you take codeine in the first instance and deal with it. Persist. I promise buprenorhine works very well. Like my respondant above (t90448) and like all meds, allow a setttling in period, and actually yes, they do have a ceiling of 'highness' that you can't go beyond, unlike those drugs such as 'phet'.They make you feel yourself; they calm you down but don't mong you out.

      Finally, codeine based Over the Counter drugs metamorphosise in the liver to morphine. Like a hit of heroin intraveneously injected could be comparable to 64 necked N+. A case of stella artois v's a bottle or two of whiskey? Food for thought...

      All the best,

      Rich

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  • Posted

    Hi Rich

    Glad you are ok,sounds like your body has really had enough and you are listening to it.

    8 days is great, keep going!! Those nagging voices will shut up eventually and will stop asking for codiene.

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  • Posted

    Thanks for sharing Rich. It is important that we all listen. Good luck with the next steps. It just shows you how crazy it is. xxx Drew
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  • Posted

    Hi Rich, 

    Sounds like you are over the worst. Definitely listen to your body, I had a sore stomach (on and off) for a year or more before one night it blew right up, little did I know at the time I had an ulcer, had to wait 6 months to see a specialist, ended up in hospital for a total of 6 weeks, ulcer had grown over the gastric outlet and no food was getting through, my stomach was filling up with food and in hospital they put a tube down in my nose, down  my throat and into my stomach to drain it all out, that took 4 days! Ended up having half my stomach removed and the bowel reattached to the stomach. Swore never to touch NP again, but I did.

    Think it was you who mentioned (and a few others) there is something in NP, remember I told you I am on oxy and can easliy take 10-12 and feel nothing, but take 15N+ and get that buzz but only very slightly. Of course, the more we use the the more we need.

    The Fentanyl I stopped taking, I was sweating something terrible and I never sweat, my hair would be drenched plus my feet and half way up to the knees was ful of fluid too, the doctor said it was NOT one of the side effects, but have been told by someone on here that it is and also opiates will make a person sweat, plus I googled the fluid retention and it IS one of the side effects. Since taking the patch off, my feet are starting to look normal again.

    You have more will power than me, well done. I need to get on top of depression first before tricking myself that I will stop taking N+. Every day I think this will be the last then I'll taper down, but I don't.

    Are you on the Bupe patches or a tablet each day?

    I don't know how to message people on here, didn't even know we could.

    I tappered down about 2.5 years ago only because I had to and it worked well until I got back to Australia and went straight to a chemist and started all over again.

    Sue 

     

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    • Posted

      Hi Sue,

      thank you for your message and support. Absolutely, sweating is one of the symptoms, though I'd be wary of google because you could end up fearing the worse about anything - I know that from eperience!

      T answer your question, I absolutely swear on the efficiency of buprenorphine - they totally take away that all consuming power that descends and pulls the trigger - you know the one I mean, you've already necked 32 before the keys go in the ignition. But trust me, they work.

      As with all substance dependence there is always an underlying cause for wanting to get out of it. Mine was alcohol, and what was drivinf the alcohol dependence was depression.

      I've tried sertraline, citralapram and prozac - I didn't feel anthing whatsoever and each time (although I respect my GP's enormously except one who is a complete ***hole. One GP in particular (who incidently was first on the scene by the bus and is an incident commander) said persist with the prozacs for at least 8 weeks doubling up if neccessary. A week last Thursday, I was so down, so depressed and tried again. I was lacking motivation for anything and everything - no matter where the greener grass was, I was so low.

      He suggested mirtazipine, and I swear that it took literally less than two days before. They worked so well I knew that these were the ones that work for me. So, hopefully the depression sorted (and obviously it is a very strange feeling feeling 'you' like a stranger you used to know has come back like the spell cast by Grimer Wormtongue on King Theoden (Lord of the Rings vol II), I have to stop, take a few deep breaths and assimilate.

      I've given myself 3 weeks to fully adjust, then work will begin in earnest. 

      My problem was, and lets be honest, substances are nice - so I'd pick up twice weekly, run out and wake up depressed wondering how on earth I'd get through the two days - living from prescription to prescription - becoming a total recluse and of course go and get some N+. Over Christmas, I had a weeks supply, and the buperenorphine started on 6mg per day reducing by 400 micro grammes every fortnight, so I was N+ ing it at 6mg, and N+ ing it at 2.4mg. Anyway, over Christmas at my mothers (Who knows all about my depression, codeine and everything) I used all my meds, a weeks supply in 2 days. I told my mother that I was trying to go cold turkey and deliberately left some meds at home for the reasons of misuse; and that was a lie.

      I didn't tell her how many I was taking (32 per day) as she would be worried sick. So I had a couple of really strong days and it is the mirtazipines that stop me misusing my script hence being on day 9 now.

      Your stomach story sound horrendous Sue, yet I totally understand why you went back on the N+ - it's not a weakness, it's a powerful addiction - morphine in fact converted in the liver. That's heroin!! I'm commited to helping people on here Sue - strength to you to beat this. Do it hour by hour, day by day. Get on a bupe program, and ask for a small amount of valium for the rocky moments. Build up trust with your doc. The ***hole doctor I mentioned above accused me of selling them on the black market fahchrissake!! God I was angry!

      Take care,

      Rich

       

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    • Posted

      ps below, the incident commander of whom I speak was on the scene at Londons' 7/7 bombing attack and co-ordinated about 17 doctors to make a makeshift surgical ward and morgue. When I told him I was on 32 N+ per day he said "bloody hell! I'm surprised you haven't bled" I cowardly didn't tell him about blood in my stools.

      The doctor to whom I told I had 64 sent me immediately to hospital to get fully checked. I was ok and am in the process of writing a script for a film about codeine addiction. It will be called as everyone else who confides "my dirty little secret", because it is legal it is a middle class accelerating problem, and the more meaningless and plastic our modern world bcomes, the greater the problem. You're more than welcome to suggest ideas for it - I've already prepared a filmed interview with a pharmacist. 

      Rich

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    • Posted

      Hi Sue,

      The oxy won't do much of anything because it is slow release, designed so people don't get a high out of it and a very minimal chance of overdosing. I was prescribed it initially after my back surgery and felt it did nothing also because of the slow release, it doesn't help when you need instant pain relief.Sweating is a side effect, which is why you also sweat when going CT of N+.

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    • Posted

      Hi Rich

      I look forward to seeing your film when it is done. I think it is a very important subject, especially when there are so many "experts" who don't believe N+ can cause addiction and don't listen to their patients.

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