AA treatment letter from my son.can anyone on this forum help me ?

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Letter from my son who is in the later stages of kidney and liver failure ...

PLZ help me understand . My son is dying and will not stop drinking....

Excerpt from my sons letter to me about the AA treatment program he was experiencing .......

In the Beginning, these are the things that helped me most: 

--...Look for the Similarities, not the Differences...

--...Probably No Human Power could relieve me of my alcoholism...

--...G O D can stand for a Group Of Drunks, who can help share their stories to help keep me sober another day.

--...This disease is called Alcohol-ISm, not Alcohol-WASm. I am an alcoholic, I will always be an alcoholic, this disease does not disappear just because I'm not drinking today, but it can be put into a state of remission. In order to have a shot at a decent life, I have to take care of my disease and do the things I need to do to stay healthy. AA and other programs can suggest what some of those things could be, but I will find what works and doesn't work for me as I go along.

--...Go to 90 meetings in 90 days, don't drink between meetings and then decide if this is the right place to help with this disease.

--...if the God things run me out, the Booze thing will run me back, if I survive.

--...Everytime I separate myself from the group because I think: "I'm not that bad" or "I haven't done that" or "I haven't been arrested, divorced, fired" Just add the word YET. Because if I continue the way I have been I will eventually get most or all of the yets.

--...This is a WE program. We can do together, what none of us can do alone. A good sponsor (preferably of the same gender) is a closed-mouth friend, who can hear and keep your confidences. They also guide you through the program, explaining the steps and sharing experiences as we go. Although it is usually really scary to trust that, at first, all relationships take time.

The above was so hopeful to read as a mom I knew he would make it this time. I prayed for him as the hole in my heart was beginning to heal.. 

Later my son ended up on life support fighting for his life...

how could this happen? Those of u who have been thru the life of addiction PLEASE help me understand how my son could relapse again?

What goes thru the heart and mind of a alcoholic to go thru so much for so long. The same thing over & over happens from drinking.. Why does anyone who drinks understand the pain they cause to themselves and family? Why?



2 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi it's Deirdre,

    I feel so desperately sorry for you, I could not imagine seeing one of my son's so ill....

    Please, please don't ever think that your son does not realize the terrible impact it 

    Causes others, it must break his heart every time he thinks of you.

     I can only try to explain what the cravings for alcohol are like......when it is very bad (which is most of the time) you literally want to rip your head off and scream and scream and scream... the cravings are unbelievable you would drink any old rubbish just to get rid of them... try to imagine if you were claustrophobic and you were locked in a tiny metal closed in box. The overwhelming feeling of terror and needing to escape, but you cannot, it is like that but a hundred times worse.  Every time you look at your loved ones you want to tell them how desperately sorry for hurting them, that is why so many alcoholics commit suicide, not just for your own misery but the pain you cause others..I never knew that it was possible to loathe yourself so much....

    I am sure that your son loves you with all his heart and would never ever want to hurt you but unfortunately the guilt ma's you drink even more to take it away.....

     I have been well now for nearly ten years, but for the first six years every time my husband and I passed a pub I felt tied up in knots and I could have cried for England..

    It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, the hardest part is after giving up drinking and having lots of energy and self esteem after a couple of months you think (I would love just one drink)  and I have to say I am only alive now because I was held for such a long time on my fourth section.!!!

     I truly hope that your son will recover and give you all peace of mind, but never ever doubt that he loves you.....

    You are both in my heartfelt thoughts and prayers... Deirdre xxx

    • Posted

      Hi Deirdre..

      Wow do I hear every single word in UR letter. U have written the story so elloquently and true. U did not sugar coat a thing. I admire that in you very much.

      My heart goes out to u too. U have battled the demons k the madness and come out the other side. That is success!

      I know the cravings r so incredibly out of controll and strong. The first thing I wanted after waking up from a coma was a cigarette . Mine u I had no idea where I was or who I was or what happened. The nurse in the ICU responded u can't have a cigarette in here with the oxygen. That was after I was hit by a drunk driver on a motorcycle at a stop sign. My husband was killed . so learning how to walk & Spell & Read...well UR familiar with the drill. It took a year. That was my first introduction to MADD. A teen had hit us.

      Everything that happens in life is always has a why did this happen to me. The natural feeling of taking control of our lives again is universal. I'm happy to hear u found sobriety and never blamed the why's... The fact UR life is back on track and that u will be a leader for many who need to hear a story of sobriety. I really need to hear UR story. U found sobriety.

      The mind of an alcoholic is controlled by cravings. The brain functions only for the cravings. The brain sabotages every attempt for sobriety.

      Sometime google the brain of a alcoholic vs normal brain on cat scans it's absolutely clear the craving sections of the brain r larger while the cognitive ability to rational and moral views r gone.

      As u and I both know as long as there is breath there is life and life is a GIFT. Use that gift well !

      I Fight every day for my son ...and I say it like it is. I am not gentle. I know from experience its a waist of time. My time is precious as I have much to give thru my experiences..if I can be a messenger to one then that's enough for me....

      sending many any blessings UR way.



  • Posted

    hope4cure ,my heart realy goes out to you, i cant even begin to imagine what you are going through as a mom,i dont think anything goes through our mind at the time the only thing you want is a drink because it will solve everything (i'll have a drink and sort it out another day), that day comes and the same all over again, he is very lucky to have a mom like you, i did not have that luxury, we as alcoholics dont think about anyone but our selves we tend to think we are not wrong, it is every body against you. i wish you and your son so so much luck, dont forget works in many strange ways,  be strong hugs x   
  • Posted

    My heart really goes out to you' as a mother myself i sympathise. I am a recovering alcoholic and I hav'nt drunk for years, I neither wish to , but I am only a drink away if I become complacent.

    I know how an alcoholic acts and thinks at times. It is a disease which naive people think is someone dressed as a tramp swigging from a bottle.

    I' ended up in a mental hospital age 36 suffering the Dts delirium tremors, which frightened the life out of me and I did'nt drink for a long time, . I met my partner and felt to ashamed to say I was a recovering alcoholic, that after refusing a glass of wine about 5 times ' had 3 glasses and felt really drunk, I enjoyed this relaxed warm feeling but alas  before long I drank to seek oblivion again and my dear partner who I am grateful for not leaving me although I woild'nt hav'nt blamed him.... Has been by my side. I stopped drinking because in the end I was sick of the way I felt, and acted. I found AA when I was in hospital, and I am a great believer in the strong meetings and support each and everyone can have. All walks of life, dr's , policemen, every person you can think of " share their experiences , stories of where drink took them and the yets? My dear mum was an alcoholic and lost her life falling into the road and a car hitting her. She could not stop' that is the hold this illness can have on you. I found the inner strength to stop and stay stopped a day at a time. I wanted to live and my kids to want me and I wanted sobriety so very much. Today I am sober and grateful for my wonderful life' and i stopped counting the years, but I look back and don't stare, as I know where one single drink could take me. 

    • Posted

      UR story is so real. I just want to send u hugs...and wish u Many more years of sobriety & that is in my prayers for u. I am so proud of u . U wanted it bad enough u did it and u made the choice to fight the demon and somehow regain UR self respect & so much more. U make the same choice every day UR life is free of the madness of alcoholism. Amen.Amen.

      i am so sorry to hear of UR mother. It's such a ugly way to die and shocking for the family. U have had a lot to face in UR life. If alcoholism runs in the family then there r more likely a chance for the addictive personality to be handed down.

      once the cravings and all the mental issues have been treated its a long term struggle. I ask that u be blessed with all that u need to sustain u thru UR journey and may  there always be a light showing u the path to stay where u r needed...clean & sober... Congratulations...

      Thanks so much for sharing UR story . Alcoholism can cause many mental issues my son is very ill physically and emotionally.  I just hope there is a cure some day..

      THANKX for sharing 


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