About to kill myself if things dont go back to normal soon.

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Ive recently and very suddenly lost any feeling of happiness or attachment and love to someone I loved deeply. I  dont know why it happened. I have BPD, depression, and ADHD and i'm terrified that i might never love this person again. She treats me so well and I dont want to live where I cant love her because i cant picture myself not being with her. If i talk to her normally again will I eventually love her again? Is this just a random thing? This all happened because i convinced myself of smoething stupid that i now know was wrong but I cant go back to feeling normal. Ive been crying every day because of this. I keep remembering us laughing about stupid stuff and cute moments we had and getting some feeling in my gut as if ill never get that back. i know somewhere inside o me i still love her but i cant get that to come back out no matter how hard i try. Please someone give me comfort that I can and will love her again and if this is just a weird thing going on that will pass.. Im giving up hope because shes the best thing that ever happened to me. Im scared and ready to just go jump off the nearest bridge if this doesnt fix. Is this because of my bpd or my depression?

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  • Posted

    The lack of feeling, emotion and imagination is called anhedonia. Are you taking any medication?  Your experience is exactly what happened to my son after he received an intermuscular shot of invega sustenna.  He had a very bad reaction to the shot, and had to go on disability for almost a year and a half.  This reaction was from 1 initial injection.  He never took the 2nd scheduled  injection because of the adverse reaction from the first dose. 
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    • Posted

      If you are not on any medication that effects seratonin or dopamine, that is really very good news.  You might be simply going through a temporary depression episode.  

      It's sounds silly, but just as you described how you convinced yourself of something that was wrong, you can reverse the process in the same way.  

      There is a trick that psychologists will suggest to couples who say that they don't love one another any more, but yet they want to repair their relationship.  You can actually trick your brain into feeling something that you really don't feel.  Treat your girlfriend as if you love her deeply, whether you feel that way or not.  Tell her that you love her, smile at her, do kind things for her.  In short, act the way that you want to feel.  You will actually trick your brain into thinking that this is now what you truly believe.  You can trick your brain again into thinking a new way.

      Don't lose hope.  Your brain is completely trainable.  Good luck.


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  • Posted

    This sounds really hard. But don't worry you can get through this, with or without her, whatever is best for you. Maybe have some space from her for a few days or a week? As they say, distance makes the heart grow stronger - this might help you sort your thoughts and feelings out and work out how you feel about her now. And maybe talk to her about how you feel? Maybe not about her, as that could cause more problems, but about feeling very low? He reassurance could rebuild your love for her x

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  • Posted

    If I didn't know any better I would think my bf was writing this.

    I feel he doesn't love me anymore but he assures me he does. He's a drinker and suffers from depression. We split first a few months come back saying he misses and live me and wants he's family back. He hasn't changed were still distances this is because he has not dealt with the real issue .THE DEPRESSION . Until he sort that out he can't show love.

    The reason I'm so mindful and forgiving is because when I suffer from depression I believe I don't love him , but I do. Stay strong and get help before it becomes unremarkable. It's not fair to her.

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