Abstinence unsupported

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Hi Not sure if this message is out of what this forum is all about but I am in a long distance relationship and as of yesterday I gave up drinking. Doc gave me diazepam to help over the weekend and have been 2 days dry. Haven't been in the best of moods which I understand of course but my partner has been rather aggressive over this which has made me feel guilty about I am feeling. I know I should be looking after myself and accepting every step but I can't help feeling guilty about what appears to be getting HER down. instead of concentrating on myself. I know it's realy days and all that but do I get rid or perhaps go silent until I am in a better state to deal with this. She seems to have no sympathy or support and I am trying to pick myself up JUST for her. I just want to "be" especially at this early stage but my feeling and guilty conscience are conflicting and I know this shouldn't be.

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  • Posted

    Hey Bamble..I was in the same position as you, long-distance lover 3 years ago and had not tried to quit before. I read of some research done UCLA I think) using brain imaging, which tried to identify stuff which appeared to activate the same cerebral resonse as nicotine. Their findings, surprisingly, intimated cheap, shop-bought mints!  I'm British so I used Polo mints to replace cigarettes and had very little trouble quitting. I also stopped drinking at the same time. Being 62 with almost a life-time using both, I was sceptical, but needlessly. Whether it was the mints or the lady I wanted to quit smoking/drinking for is moot, but it worked for me. No diazepam or other surrogate, just the mints. Won't cost you anything to try mate. Benzodiazepines can be just as addictive as tobacco and will blur your judgement. Don't make your problem hers and expect no support, you'll just appear weak and needy if you do.. Do it, don't discuss it with her or look for her sympathy or approval. 

    I wish you luck with it and her. It's really not that big a deal in the great scheme of things. Manly hug to you.

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  • Posted

    Yup, I think you are in the wrong forum - unless you do have a drinking problem, of course. Our emotions can lead to other additions as well, Be careful and Good luck with the other statements.
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  • Posted

    HI. I agree with TIm that you are in the wrong forum but worth trying to find the right one. Meanwhilre, Zoony below seems to have given brilliant advice so far! Best of luck!!
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  • Posted

    hey bramble - if your doc gave you diaz for WD's then he must be concerned about the effects of your stopping drinking - ie - you are in the right place - if you are giving up for you - great- if it is for her- wrong reason - this is something you need to do for you - recovery must come before everything else in your life, for now- it is hard work - be careful about your reaction to her right now, between quiting alcohol and the effects of the diaz, your emotions and thinking will not be clear- better to minimise contact for the next few days till your mood stabilises- your gf's reaction may be because she does not realise how important to you quiting alcohol is- anyway best of luck -
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  • Posted

    Many thanks for your kind responses and yes it is alcohol I am talking about. I'll try to leave contact to the minimum for now. I would just expect a bit more from my partner somehow but that's another story of course.

    She too is battling with her own alcohol dependency and is not ready to make the life changing move yet. so her reaction could also be down to her own gilt.

    You are absolutely right I should head for support from the people who will treat me a little more gentler especially at the beginning.

    thank you so much from your responses

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    • Posted

      Might not be a bad idea to give your lass this forum's e-addy..Sounds like she could use a bit of stranger- kindness, advice and gentle encouragement too. If you're both in it you're in it together.
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  • Posted

    And I am giving up for ME.... you are right. ME come first for now. THANK YOU XXXXXX
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