Abused as a child...PSTD/depression/anxiety

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I have been up every night at 2-3 am due to the nightmares and flashbacks that have been coming into my mind like a windstorm.  I have always known that something had happened to me as a young girl (it started when I was 6 until I was 13)  my obsession with being clean and showering up to 4 times a day for example, or the fact that I cannot go a day without shaving every bit of hair off my body (everywhere but my head of hair).  The flashbacks are terrifying and I am reliving my childhood.  I have always wondered why I did not remember a lot of those years, important years were buried somewhere in my brain and have now decided to surface in my nightmares.  My depression has worsened and there have been times that I have been suicidal.  Therapy is helping but I am still feeling scared, unable to sleep, depressed, anxious.  I just don't know what else to do.  My husband is supportive but he doesn't know how to help me...I feel out of control and I don't know what else to do.  I thought there may be support on here but I wasn't sure  what I should write.  I may also be bipolar (I'm sure I am) but I do not see the doctor until next week.  My mind is racing, I feel like I'm sitting on the edge getting ready to jump, I just need someone to tell me how they deal with the flashbacks and repressed memories, I'm not dealing with it very well a and need help...please?!?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Poor you, what bought this on, a taste, a sound, a smell, food. What did it? Can we help if so how? These triggers aren't out of the blue are they? Just take care!!!
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  • Posted

    Julie, you are going through hell. Don't go through this alone!

    You will have flashbacks from a trauma, even if you can't really remember what the trauma is. It is really hard but you will eventually learn to cope with them.

    Sometimes just speaking to people with similar backgrounds can help, and I dont mean counselling. I can't do counselling because I think, well what do they know what I've been through?

    There are people on here, people like me who have been through abuse similar to yours who you can vent, get angry, cry and speak to whenever you need. You will feel better one day, or just feel numb. Please don't go through this alone.

    I'm not a doctor or a therapist but I just wanted you to know that youre not alone xxx

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  • Posted

    hello julie.

    all my sympathy with you.a lot of people diagnose themselves as bipolar but you have to trust a psychiatrist on this. i also fear i am bipolar :D . if you have suffered as a kid is it very normal to have the mood swinds and anxiety etc a bipolar has. this doesnt mean you are bipolar.

    you are so lucky to have a supportive husband. 

    remember that nothing is permanent give yourself some time .

    when something so bad has happened to you your feelings have to get expressed and they get through your sleep ..

    it doent mean it wont get better. Try to hold on and you will be better.

    you said that therapy helps so that means you know things get bettter yourself.

    Many people have to battle for their lifes . Remember how many things you have succeded in and dont feel bad for yourself. 

    You are very strong and brave and deserve the best. Sometimes we have to give all our efforts to save ourselves. Best wishes!

     

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  • Posted

    I know it can be hard and scary to face childhood memories. I buried mine away for so long and it ate at me everyday. Therapy can help you just have to let it. I went years without talking about what happened and I tried to act like it didn't even happen. I won't lie to you, it is going to be a long and scary road ahead, but once you get to that other side, it is like you have finally come to life. Just hang in there, it gets easier.
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