Abused as a child, scared of people, hard to communicate

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Hi everyone, my name is Jony. Im new on patient. info.

I was adopted, and i was abused as a child by my adoptive father. My abuse was so horrific.im 47 and i find it hard to communicate with people. I feel like i dont belong. My dad, mom and sister have passed away. Im scared of people. When i meet people i shiver and i find it hard to talk. I worked in a textile company as a data capturer so i didnt have to phone clients. I find it less stressful to work with my hands. Like i started making costume jewelry recently with my girlfriends friend. But now she notices that i dont talk a lot and i didnt want to sit with her selling the jewellery in a public place because of my fears. But when it comes to making the jewellery im good at it or other things that i do with my hands. Im a descent, respectful person. But extremely petrified of communicating. Even to go order a coffee is so scary. I feel so alone. I do try to do things. I find that in the night i can communicate better but after i wake up my brain is different, im petrified. Even to walk to the shops is so hard. I dont know what to do any more. My girlfriend encourages me and complimemts my kindness my ability to work with my hands. Im not working because of my fear. Im hoping there are people out there that can advise me

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Jony. It sounds like you have never talked to anyone about the abuse you suffered and how it has affected your life. Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings and the anxiety that is crippling you? You mentioned you have a supportive girlfriend. Have you confided in her? You deserve to be happy. There is help out there and you should check your options, perhaps get your girlfriend to go with you. This is a great forum for support and advice. Keep in touch. Take care.
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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for getting back to me and your care, i really appreciate it. I do confide in my girlfriend. And she helps me and weve decided together that i should do a healing course called thejourney which clears out the subconscious mind, have you heard about this method of therapy? Looking forward to hearing from you. Take care
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    • Posted

      I haven't heard of that therapy before, but I hope it will help you. Whatever helps you feel better is a step in the right direction. Let me knows how you make out. Take care.

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  • Posted

    Hi Jony. Firstly well done in seeking help and recognising that you need it.

    Secondly, you are not alone. I too have had a life of abuse from a friend's

    father from age 9 to 16, my parents were drinkers with slappy hands, and a few abusive partners

    over many years. Unfortunately Jony there are too many people who share our

    upbringing and still suffer years after the abuse stops. You say that you think your brain works differently

    in the mornings on waking with a terrific fear. Maybe it's because you still fear the terror the new day will bring and at night you realise somehow

    that it hasn't and all is slightly better. But then you sleep only to repeat this over again.

    Counselling will help so will your girlfriend, but should you feel that talking to a stranger with a similar

    past will also help, I would be more than happy to chat about the effects abuse leaves us with and maybe a way of going forward.

    Take care and take hope that you are not alone in your struggle even if it seems that way now


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    • Posted

      Thx Sher for caring.

      Because of the past abuse. Its left me with such fear. I find it hard to talk to people in a group or even to walk up the road to a shop ir supermarket. When i get in the supermarket i get confused and i wonder around from isle to isle shivering and shaking. I do try ti be positive, but ut dosent improve at all. If my girlfriend says ro me we have have been invited out for shabbat for a Friday meal i get nervous and scared. Everyone says what a kind, respectful, descent person i am. And that im good with my hands when making some costume jewellery. But because of the abuse i never finished school or even did any courses. I feel vulnerable when in company and people ask what do u do? Uhm.....

      And on top of it i find it hard to converse around the table or at a restaurant when there is a lot of people, i feel so dumfounded and i try to interject with a little something but no one hears me. My wonderful caring girl friend has known me since we were kids, and because of the abuse i dissappeared and delved into different religions such as christianity, hare krishna and Islam, i went into these religions to find solice and peace which i never got at home. My step sister who has passed away was sexually abused from six years old. My abuse was physical and mental throughout my childhood. It was very horrific.

      I was adopted as was my late sister. My girlfriend works so hard while im at home, she says she loves me and she is proud of me, sob sob. But she says we going to go buy some items at the chinese beadshops so i can make my costume jewelry. I feel totally useless because after working 8 years as a data capturer i became more depressed as they never paid good money and all i did was sit and type. And they would give more work. Im much more happier working with my hands. I apologise if im speaking in riddles and jumping around. My memory not so good. I just want to say thank you very much Sher for giving the opportunity to share with you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Yonig, I too suffered terrible abuse at the hands of a stepfather, I used to punch myself in the face as a little boy to make sure I remember to never talk as such would earn me a punch in the face by a grown man.

    Though I dont appear to be as nervous as yourself, I was not very good at talking at all, just doing things. What really helped me lose all that social anxiety was SSRI anti-depressant drug, Citalopram, it was prescribed to me for, but didnt help, my depression, but it did rid me of all anxiety, even after I stopped taking them. 

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