Abused as a child, scared of people, hard to communicate
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi everyone, my name is Jony. Im new on patient. info.
I was adopted, and i was abused as a child by my adoptive father. My abuse was so horrific.im 47 and i find it hard to communicate with people. I feel like i dont belong. My dad, mom and sister have passed away. Im scared of people. When i meet people i shiver and i find it hard to talk. I worked in a textile company as a data capturer so i didnt have to phone clients. I find it less stressful to work with my hands. Like i started making costume jewelry recently with my girlfriends friend. But now she notices that i dont talk a lot and i didnt want to sit with her selling the jewellery in a public place because of my fears. But when it comes to making the jewellery im good at it or other things that i do with my hands. Im a descent, respectful person. But extremely petrified of communicating. Even to go order a coffee is so scary. I feel so alone. I do try to do things. I find that in the night i can communicate better but after i wake up my brain is different, im petrified. Even to walk to the shops is so hard. I dont know what to do any more. My girlfriend encourages me and complimemts my kindness my ability to work with my hands. Im not working because of my fear. Im hoping there are people out there that can advise me
3 likes, 6 replies
phyllis11904 Yonig
Posted
Yonig phyllis11904
Posted
phyllis11904 Yonig
Posted
I haven't heard of that therapy before, but I hope it will help you. Whatever helps you feel better is a step in the right direction. Let me knows how you make out. Take care.
sher1967 Yonig
Posted
Hi Jony. Firstly well done in seeking help and recognising that you need it.
Secondly, you are not alone. I too have had a life of abuse from a friend's
father from age 9 to 16, my parents were drinkers with slappy hands, and a few abusive partners
over many years. Unfortunately Jony there are too many people who share our
upbringing and still suffer years after the abuse stops. You say that you think your brain works differently
in the mornings on waking with a terrific fear. Maybe it's because you still fear the terror the new day will bring and at night you realise somehow
that it hasn't and all is slightly better. But then you sleep only to repeat this over again.
Counselling will help so will your girlfriend, but should you feel that talking to a stranger with a similar
past will also help, I would be more than happy to chat about the effects abuse leaves us with and maybe a way of going forward.
Take care and take hope that you are not alone in your struggle even if it seems that way now
Xx
Yonig sher1967
Posted
Because of the past abuse. Its left me with such fear. I find it hard to talk to people in a group or even to walk up the road to a shop ir supermarket. When i get in the supermarket i get confused and i wonder around from isle to isle shivering and shaking. I do try ti be positive, but ut dosent improve at all. If my girlfriend says ro me we have have been invited out for shabbat for a Friday meal i get nervous and scared. Everyone says what a kind, respectful, descent person i am. And that im good with my hands when making some costume jewellery. But because of the abuse i never finished school or even did any courses. I feel vulnerable when in company and people ask what do u do? Uhm.....
And on top of it i find it hard to converse around the table or at a restaurant when there is a lot of people, i feel so dumfounded and i try to interject with a little something but no one hears me. My wonderful caring girl friend has known me since we were kids, and because of the abuse i dissappeared and delved into different religions such as christianity, hare krishna and Islam, i went into these religions to find solice and peace which i never got at home. My step sister who has passed away was sexually abused from six years old. My abuse was physical and mental throughout my childhood. It was very horrific.
I was adopted as was my late sister. My girlfriend works so hard while im at home, she says she loves me and she is proud of me, sob sob. But she says we going to go buy some items at the chinese beadshops so i can make my costume jewelry. I feel totally useless because after working 8 years as a data capturer i became more depressed as they never paid good money and all i did was sit and type. And they would give more work. Im much more happier working with my hands. I apologise if im speaking in riddles and jumping around. My memory not so good. I just want to say thank you very much Sher for giving the opportunity to share with you.
peter01729 Yonig
Posted
Though I dont appear to be as nervous as yourself, I was not very good at talking at all, just doing things. What really helped me lose all that social anxiety was SSRI anti-depressant drug, Citalopram, it was prescribed to me for, but didnt help, my depression, but it did rid me of all anxiety, even after I stopped taking them.