Abusing alcohol, doing stupid things , ruining loved ones lives!!

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hi , i have a problem im not an addict but cannot control myself when ive had a decent drink! i can go out have a drink once in a while but once im alone find myself texting and using facebook to message females, the people i text are totally random off my friends list! this has happened about 6 times now and been caught out every time! im lucky to still be with my fiancee who im due to marry later this year! i cant go on like this , i need to find my off button and just go home instead of binge drinking myself into these states! not sure what i can do! ive deleted all social media accounts and stopped drinking but my partner wants me to do more to try cure this! any ideas what i can do??

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  • Posted

    Hey,

    Things I would think have to change. If it is that you want a future with this lovely lady then don't risk losing her.........If alcohol causes these issues for you then something has to change ..yeah??? find something else you enjoy that don't involve the booze xx

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Chris, I understand how easy it is to do things you would never dream of normally when you have had a drink.  You could try going out ,have a meal and a bottle of wine (with your fiancee) and then going home and keeping well away from your phone and your pc.  I really do understand how hard it is to stop, but the very fact that you are aware that it is a problem is a good thing.     Make a pact with yourself that if you  really need a good binge drink to do it at home.    Alcohol counselling can also help a great deal, have a word with your doctor or practice nurse. I wish you all the Best and also your fiancee.  Take care and be kind to yourself. X
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  • Posted

    Hi Chris, I had a similar issue a while back where after getting a buzz I would call up past girlfriends and only way I was ale to stop this was to get rid of their phone numbers so I would suggest you try temporarily deleting all contact info of the females in your list for a while and see how that goes? At soem point later on you can add just one then see how that goes, if it goes well then add another and so on.
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  • Posted

    Hi Chris, I sincerely hope that you are feeling a little better than you were.

    Don't beat yourself up about the things that you have done in the past, apologize

    To the people or person you may have hurt and ask if they can forgive you, and try to make every day better.

    You so obviously love your fiancee very, very much!!, and I am sure that she feels the same....

    Look forward positively, and enjoy every day, also what helps is to try to give small acts of kindness every day, even if it is just a kind and comforting word, or a compliment to raise someone's spirits.........I wish you well, be kind to yourself. 

    Deirdre (once a hopeless alcoholic) xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Chris, 

    hope u ur doing better... Did u take the first step to becoming sober?  

    Or are u stll riding the roller coaster?

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  • Posted

    Chris, Perhaps have a read of what you wrote and think through it smile Firstly, you talk about 'when I have had a decent drink.' What is a 'decent drink'? Getting drunk?

    If you have had to delete all your social media accounts because you can't trust yourself not to send random messages that you wouldn't send when sober, there is an issue which needs fixing, I agree with your fiancee.

    I believe that you need to get to the bottom of this problem. Alcohol may not be the primary problem, it may simply remove your inhibitions allowing you to do things you wouldn't otherwise do.

    You need to ask yourself some questions about yourself and your relationship. Are you doing what you WANT to do? Do you WANT to get married? Do you have a low self-esteem and are grateful that she has stuck by you? Or are you just not ready to settle down and make a commitment to one person?

    I got married at 23 which I believe was way too young and spent my 20s having flings with other women because I wasn't ready to be tied down to one person.

    I think you need to be clear on the answers to those questions and you may be able to work those out for yourself, or you may find it helpful to talk to someone you fully trust or even a professional counsellor. Feel free to send me a private message.

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    • Posted

      We lost Chris. That's unfortunately one of the issues I have with health forums.. U put in a lot wolf work to help this guy as we all did. 

      Yet not a thnak you or any word of involvement to help himself.. Typical of alcoholics.

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    • Posted

      I am not too worried by that hope4cure smile Sometimes people have a problem and look for a solution in a moment where they have insight and then forget all their good intentions until the next time something happens to remind them they are heading down a dangerous road. There will be a point that he realises and does get some help. Hopefully he won't have destroyed too much in his life by then. The few minutes it took to type my message to him doesn't matter.
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    • Posted

      Paul UR sooo right.. U send a great message.. I can pray that he will fight for sobriety. Not many make it...there r many of us who have lost family members to this brain manunipulating ..brain sabotage...robbing us of our loved ones. 

      luv UR words of advice. Very comforting.

      Thanks so muchconfused

       

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  • Posted

    Chris come back we all hear your pain. Clearly .....I can pour my heart out to u .

    i could tell u how many years I tried to help my son. I could tell u all the professional help I got him.

    i could tell u haw many times he relapsed.

    i could tell u no matter what I will always luv him.

    I could make a long story shor fast foreword 20 years his is a black out alcoholic.

    i could tell u he has been in jail over 32 times.

    i could tell u he lives on the streets.

    i could tell u someone poured bleach over him while he was passed out.

    I could tell u it killed me to see him on life support.

    i could tell u he was given a 2nd chance at life.

    i can tell u that he threw it down the drain.

    I can tell u haw broken my heart is.

    I can tell u how much I love him no matter what..

    I can tell u life is a gift!

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    • Posted

      Paul thanks again.. At least I had one person who cared.

      i wrote that for other alcoholics or parents of to read how the spiral down take not just the alcoholic but his family destroy all those who love them.. It's ugly & evict not the pretty picture most people could even imagine. The cravings take over the alcoholics soul. A mothers love craves the life of her child.

       As usual a alcoholic child is always blamed on the parent. Unless others have been thru it ,  they could not possibly get it or show the slightest concern. Society blames the alcoholic for the addiction and they are socially castrated.

      U know the drill. Bless u for UR work...may UR guardian Angel light the path for UR success , encouragement & strength for the souls in UR program to find sobriety in the name of our father amen.

      my heart is broken I know that my son is one who just cannot find sobriety. I love him no matter what ! 

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