Addiction Problems and Odd Behavior

hi Carl U r not alone. I have suffered since 15 now 36. I'm a qualified fitness instructor and I no exactly wot I should b doing but as with any addiction it is so hard to control. I seem to be all or nothing I so want to just eat healthy and exercise normally, but junk food is my problem and at the moment I just can't motivate myself to exercise I crave sugar and take away all the time. It's first thing I think of wen I get up and last thing at night. U r not alone. I no with me I am trying to fill a hole inside me I use food for comfort and Defo eat emotionally. There R groups for this I havnt got their myself yet but I no I need to sort it becoz I will end up with diabetes or worse. It's such a vicious circle eating to feel better then feel worse so I eat I hate it and I hate myself for allowing myself to do this. I was told that it's a form of self harming. I totally feel for U and in so glad U posted this I no all my problems stem from this but no one gets it eat healthy they say but it is an addiction just like ppl use drugs and alcohol but problem with food is we need to eat I no that it will make me feel awful after but I just can't stop. I've been told to keep food starts plan my meals etc. I'm also scared becoz I have had eating disorders also and I no if I start watching wot I eat I will more then likely get obsessed as I do with exercise too. Ppl do recover and I think it is really hard becoz to look at me I don't look like I have a problem although I have put weight on but it's the mental side that is awful. Every day I wake up telling myself im going on a diet but the problem is even wen I lose the weight and exercise I then either an unwell or get down and I end up bk where I started. Have U seen UR doctor I no it's really terrifying the thought of talking about it I hate going shopping I too just want to stop this cycle as I feel so desperate and out of control and it is ruling my life I don't go out or c friends becoz I think they think look at her. Admitting it is a problem is a good start and well done Hopefulky we can support each other through this and Mayb see wot advice we get and if it works im so tired of this controlling my life as im sure U r. I know I need to get exercising again and get a balance but it is just so hard especially wen its been going on a long time I feel like IVE given up and as soon as the sun comes out I feel even worse at least in the winter I can hide in big coats. I do think meal planning is key enjoying to Cook healthy food and not being afraid of it, problem with me is if I do eat well and I theh hAv some chocolate or WOTEVER it all goes out the window becoz my head tells me U might as well carry on eating rubbish now and start tomorrow. I think changing the way we think like with CBT would help and maybe seeing a nutritionisr or dietician although im sure like ME u know exactly wot U should do. There is a reason for every addiction I no I associate love with food from childhood issues I don't no if U have explored this or had any therapy I would suggest getting referred for some talking therapy and mayb write down wot U eat how U were feeling b4 and any triggers God I can give advice to others if I could put UR into practice Id b ok. However I do feel and mayb im wrong that with this problem even doctors can at times b so insensitive and tell U just get healthy. It is a matter of finding the right help. I will keep U posted as this is something I no I have to sort out or il never b happy or comfortable in my own skin. It is easy to replace one addiction for another also and want to stop smoking myself. Luckily I don't drink as my mum is an alcoholic and it has made me totally scared of drinking otherwise I no I would have that as a problem too. Sorry if I have gone on but don't feel U r alone and in so glad U posted this. Thank U and good luck Carl and U can get through this. I did for two years keep my weight stable and exercise so I no we can do it unfortunately I suffered a trauma and have been severely depresses along with being put on new meds that Realky increase appetite but I know once in feeling better I will get bk to exercise we need to b kind to ourselfs I am so good at looking after others and can give my children healthy balanced meals so I no i CAN do it! I think it is loving ourselfs to treat us well becoz I no that for me putting on weight is Defo hurting me in many ways and punishing myself I also no that I need to make it a change in lifestyle not just a quick fix diet loose lots of weight then put it all on again and end up more miserable in that cycle again and again.