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Im am 38 years old female completely lost in life.
I have reason to beleive that i have aspergers it adds up and i feel different.
Ive hit a bit of a rough patch in the last 6 months, splitting up with the ex BF ( he was mentally abusive) then moving in temporarily with a friend who ended up accusing me for a crime i didnt do ( im now cleared by the police btw - police were very good with me and agree with me... no crime ever took place)
Anyway I moved to a different area of the country all together to get away from it all fresh start and took a breakdown resulting in me spending 3 days in a psychiatric ward Jan 2014 ( respite the professionals called it)
When i came out i tried to rebuild my life, I read lots of material about psychology to try and make some sense of who i am and why people from my past treated me the way the did. Then i came across some aspergers material and wasnt untill i started reading through it i realised it sounds like me. I didnt just tick a few boxes i seemed to tick most of them.
I have spoken to a family mmber who says they think i dont have aspergers...
Long and short of it is i feel different from the norm i feel lonely unhappy and in a great deal of emotional pain. I know my family would miss me once ive gone but i dont know if i can carry on ive never fitted in anywhere.
Im planning this solo trip to thailand and im not even looking forward to that ( sounds selfsish i know). I began planning it with excitment but now i just cant be arsed. I have savings i just dont want to spend on me anymore.
I also have the stress that my ex friend has something on me ( so to speak ) and im worried it will come out... i could be in a lot of trouble if its leaked. I just feel like running i cant commit suicide in Thailand as my family would have big costs to ship my remains back... i dont even know if its something i would do - kill myself i mean... all i know is that i am just not looking forward to anything no matter how much i try to be positive with hobbies, music, art, sleeping ...
Ive applied for various college courses which start in a few months on my return from Thailand and im not even sure thats for me.
I have no idea what i am doing with my life im drifting and i feel lost.
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