Adult diagnosis of Aspergers

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Im am 38 years old female completely lost in life.

I have reason to beleive that i have aspergers it adds up and i feel different.

Ive hit a bit of a rough patch in the last 6 months, splitting up with the ex BF ( he was mentally abusive) then moving in temporarily with a friend who ended up accusing me for a crime i didnt do ( im now cleared by the police btw - police were very good with me and agree with me... no crime ever took place)

Anyway I moved to a different area of the country all together to get away from it all fresh start and took a breakdown resulting in me spending 3 days in a psychiatric ward Jan 2014 ( respite the professionals called it)

When i came out i tried to rebuild my life, I read lots of material about psychology to try and make some sense of who i am and why people from my past treated me the way the did. Then i came across some aspergers material and wasnt untill i started reading through it i realised it sounds like me. I didnt just tick a few boxes i seemed to tick most of them.

I have spoken to a family mmber who says they think i dont have aspergers...

Long and short of it is i feel different from the norm i feel lonely unhappy and in a great deal of emotional pain. I know my family would miss me once ive gone but i dont know if i can carry on ive never fitted in anywhere.

Im planning this solo trip to thailand and im not even looking forward to that ( sounds selfsish i know). I began planning it with excitment but now i just cant be arsed. I have savings i just dont want to spend on me anymore.

I also have the stress that my ex friend has something on me ( so to speak ) and im worried it will come out... i could be in a lot of trouble if its leaked. I just feel like running i cant commit suicide in Thailand as my family would have big costs to ship my remains back... i dont even know if its something i would do - kill myself i mean... all i know is that i am just not looking forward to anything no matter how much i try to be positive with hobbies, music, art, sleeping ...

Ive applied for various college courses which start in a few months on my return from Thailand and im not even sure thats for me.

I have no idea what i am doing with my life im drifting and i feel lost.

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Sam, this sounds really really difficult for you.  It's good that you've managed to write it down on this page and that you have the insight to be thinking about what's caused so much heartache for you.  If you really do think that you have Asperger's then it's definitely worth talking to your doctor and asking for a full assessment.  I think it's always helpful to know what is causing you to feel or behave differently from others.  I hope that you won't take your own life, because there are good things for everyone in this life and you just need to persevere in getting help to find them.  Please talk to the Samaritans if you do feel very low.  The college courses sound like a really good new beginning for you so they are definitely worth giving a try.  If you don't get along with them then you can always leave after you've given it a fair trial.  I am sure you will have fun in Thailand if you decide to go, but make sure you have good insurance in case you do need the help of a doctor while there.  You won't always feel lost, so try to remain positive as summer approaches.  Take care of yourself and let others take care of you too.
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  • Posted

    Sam, 

    I hope you are doing OK. Please stay with us. It sounds like you've had a really tough time but life is worth it. 

    anonymousgirl

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  • Posted

    There definitely sounds like you have a lot going on. It defintely sounds like a lot more than aspergers if you even have that. Im hoping your trip will help you obtain some clarity of thought. Sometimes a change in air and food can do that. I hope that you do not commit suicide because although I don't know you, it would make me sad. Please let us know you are doing okay.
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  • Posted

    Hello Sam,

    I wouldn't recommend asking your GP for a diagnosis. I tried this and she told me off until I walked out of the room - she said the NHS won't pay for a diagnosis any more and it felt like she thought I was taking liberties by asking.

    Also, life is tough and makes me feel like I have to die, but things work out in the end.

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    • Posted

      yes this is virtually what happened to my partner but we kept on.he has now been referred to some clinic somewhere. we will see how that goes.

      and as you say - it can all work out eventually

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  • Posted

    My sister in law didn't get diagnosed till her late twenties. She'd been finding it hard to get a job, and was claiming job seekers, and between the job centre and her mum she got a diagnoses. Never too late to try. You do also sound depressed, so would be worth seeing your dr for that too. Keep your chin up smile
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  • Posted

    Hello Sam, as someone who has fostered an Aspie teen may I suggest the following two titles that have been written by people with Asperger's.  See if you can get them from your local library or second-hand online.  "Raising Martians - From Crash-Landing to Leaving Home: How to Help a Child with Asperger Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism" by Joshua Muggleton and "My Life with Asperger's: The Disorder That Dominated One Woman's Life Until She Was Diagnosed at the Age of 26" by Megan Hammond.  Certainly reading the first one may help you to see whether you share any similar experiences from your childhood.  After all diagnosis at 38 doesn't mean you haven't lived with the condition all of your life. 

    Also try reading up on Aspergers, starting with a site like the National Autistic Society.  You could try contacting them too as they may be more sympathetic/supportive than a GP.

    You said you've been reading up on psychology.  Autism/aspergers isn't a mental illness like depression or schizophrenia, it's more a developmental/behavioural condition so it's not a case of thinking that going to a shrink will fix you.  If you do have Asperger's then you need to learn coping strategies not looking for cures.  Recognising patterns of negative or unproductive thinking/behaviour and finding ways of avoiding them rather than over-analysing them which can lead to depressive episodes.

    All the best.

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  • Posted

    Hi Sam. i think the best thing you can do is go to yourdoctor and ask to be referred to get a proper diagnosis. take a copy of your post here with you to help him to see how you feel. once you know you will then be able to come to terms withit and understand yourself a bit better.  my partner is AS and hisson and when they got help it realy did help. goo luck and dont give up.
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  • Posted

    Hi Sam,

    hamg in there, I mean you are ust now discovering who you really are and that can be painful. being aspergers, is not all that bad, get with a therapist and I sure you will feel better

    good luck

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  • Posted

    Hi Sam, I think once you get help you'll be on the path to feeling better and you will understand why you do things. My son is Autistic and his best friend has Aspergers. My son gets stressed and anxious sometimes but he goes out, we joined the National Autitistic society ( NAS) and my son attends an Autitistic spectrum youth club.

    Life can be hard, especially when people have treated you a certan way. But once you talk or go to the NAS and your doctor things may become clearer. Having Aspergers will be ok. You will need to learn how to cope with Aspergers and be able to get on with your life.

    Please let me know how you are doing.  There are people on this forum who haven't met you but care about how you are feeling.

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  • Posted

    My husband has Aspergers he is very sweet and very bright.

    others don't understand it and make fun of him. I tell them that even though they may not have the disorder their insecurities and insensitive remarks r worse than his issue.

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  • Posted

    Sam - Interesting. I have some of these .. I'll be very honest

    If it helps, I have a "World contribution" view which comes into everything I do.

    ie. the job I did previously supported people, and I had a team, so I felt I was making a valuable contribution to the world.

    However, I am a designer, pretty sure I was born 50years too late and the 'spirit of invention' is not here any more. Its now "spirit of contracting" or "spirit of copying someone else" So I want to Invent something (what? it costs 10k to invent)

    I cannot design anything in my new work, people are against eachother, I have an employee 3 levels lower, who is a whinger to my boss who is 2 levels higher, and he listens to her not me.

    I am not making a "world contribution" and can't use the design skills I have been given.

    I enjoy music as well. I used to play / sing in Church since 1976 but don't do that now.

    All negative crap SO What can I do that is positive?

    1. I can use *some* design for my model railway. better than nothing.

    2. Invent something different. Maybe write a book, where I invent characters / plots / storylines. You already have a death list (same as me) so maybe make use of it in the book?

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