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Adult Separation Anxiety

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geeperscreepers
geeperscreepers

Hi,

This is my first post on any mental health forum and I'm feeling a bit unsure about whether I'm alone on this topic or not. There doesn't seem to be much information or guidance on how to deal with adult separation anxiety - if this is what I am experiencing.

My situation is a little different to most peoples I would presume. I'll tell it from the beginning so that maybe someone can shed some light on why I might be feeling like such a loon!

So here goes, I have been home based with my husband for the last 20+ years, while he ran his business and I brought up our 3 children and helped with the business occasionally.

My eldest then went to Uni, coming home for a year because of covid (best time of my life having everyone home for that glorious summer!) and then left early last year to work in London, which I am really proud of! At the same time as this, we sold our business and my husband has had to work out of the home full time...and my middle child left for uni a few months later. I am now on my own in the daytime and am feeling like I am going insane.

I have been patiently waiting to feel better, and to get used to the new situation, but I still wake up every morning (week days in particular), dreading the day ahead, as I feel like I can't cope on my own. I feel very abandoned and constantly distracted and on edge. If my husband then has to go to work meals/meetings in the evening it really pushes my fears over the edge. I just can't cope with it. He will most likely have to travel abroad to shows/exhibitions in the next few months and to be honest it is making me feel like I would rather be dead than to try and cope with living, when he is away in a different country with his colleagues being wined and dined without me. Even the thought of this terrifies me for some reason.

I talk to him about it all the time, and whilst he doesn't really understand he tries to reassure me and sympathise with me.

I know he loves me massively and I him. So I don't know where all this anxiety is coming from. I trust him explicitly, but then my mind makes up scenarios that floor me...and I don't even really believe them! Its weird! I am ruining myself. I get so frustrated with myself I have scratched all the skin on my stomach until it has bled and is very sore..which kind of relieved the mental pain for a bit. I have had suicidal thoughts too, but I don't think I could go through with anything.

When will this pain stop? I don't really want to go on medication as I have heard that sometimes it doesn't help and sometimes it can make you feel even more anxious, which is a really scary thought! I just want to be me again and not live in a constant state of fear.

Is this separation anxiety? Does anyone else have this?

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • shivaani22042
    shivaani22042 geeperscreepers

    Posted

    I have this. I have been living all my life under my mothers care. now that we both hard times with each we parted ways and living separately. i developed separation anxiety. Health anxiety. and going mad .

    i pray , meditate and go out for walk more often.

  • jan34534
    jan34534 geeperscreepers

    Edited

    I am so sorry that you are going through this.

    I had severe separation anxiety from leaving my parents to living with my daughter and being alone after that once she got married. It’s a horrible feeling so I can definitely empathize with you. I still struggle with it. I do know that when I get out a little bit and help other people it’s really a great feeling and my mind is occupied.

    We have to find a purpose in life after our kids are grown. That’s very important in our life especially mental health. having friends, getting exercise are very important. Doing things for others who need help in the community is very fulfilling. There are so many great volunteer opportunities.

    Is there anyway you can talk to a counselor who can give you some ideas of what you can do?

    As far as the antidepressant medication, the anxiety might last in the first two or three weeks but after that it usually goes away.

    I found that the worst thing I did was sit around and just feel horrible. I did that for a very long time and you get to a breaking point. I listened to a great motivational meditation on YouTube that said what are you going to do with your pain? Are you going to let it break you or let it redefine you? . check some of those out because they really helped me get started and moving!

    I had to start thinking of my isolation as an opportunity to get in great physical and mental shape rather than a reason to be depressed and hopeless.

    we need to take care of ourselves! our children need us even if they’re grown, your husband needs you. The best gift you can give your family is a healthy you! It’s time to put yourself first and get the support that you need.

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