Advice about 77 year old mother please

Update:   so far, as someone else pointed out, it does seem my Mother's G.P. has been reluctant to diagnose.  My sister, who lives close to my Mother & can be present at all consultations, had a 'telephone consultation', during which the G.P. had seemed 'reluctant' to arrange for my Mother to have a memory test.   I suspect, from what I have researched, is that she has Vascular Dementia - and I believe a dignosis is ESSENTIAL.  She doesn't often do this, but the other week she got the car out and DROVE it to local shops!! My opinion is she is NOT in a fit state to drive safely - for herself - and anyone else on the road close to her! DANGEROUS!!   I have, therefore, sent a written letter to this G.P. requesting the surgery contact my sister, rather than my Mother, who will 'forget the whole things and what it's about'!  I will NOT ( and I NEVER do!!) going to 'let this go'!!   I will write again, phone the Practice Manager, 'take the matter' higher, as I believe their are neglecting their duty of care to my Mother.    By the way, re. Citizens Advice on other matters, mentioned by me above - the line no longer is AVAILABLE!  Shame!  You now have to try & get through to your local CAB (which, from having worked in one years ago, I know is pretty much impossible!!!)    Sadly, all these various 'cuts' and cuts in funding to charitable organisation are making things so much more difficult during this recession - despite our Govt. saying we 'have come out of recession - better than rest of Europe! Nonsense!)                          Anyway, if I get NO response whatsoever from my Mother's G.P., I can assure everyone, I WILL take the matter 'further up' - will look up which authority is 'over them' now, as been 'all change'!!  Try & remember to keep you all posted.

Good for you, Claire! If your mother's GP is anything like mine, you're going to have a real uphill struggle. First of all, you have to insist on the memory test. I worked as a nurse in the NHS many years ago, and even then everyone was entitled to a specialist opinion if they asked for one. However, I suspect you're going to have the same problem as I did - the doctor asked my mother if she wanted to see a specialist, and she said no, of course. But I can see you're a pretty determined person so I think you'll eventually prevail.

At the time I was going through all this - early "noughties" and in Surrey - it was the Primary Care Trust that was the next level up from the GP practice, but I know they keep reorganising all the time, so I don't know whether this is still true. I've lived abroad for the last 40 years, so am a bit hazy about UK structures anyway.

Keep shaking trees - and, yes, keep me posted. I'm going through the whole thing again now in my adopted European country on behalf of a 79-year-old friend who has no family, and who also has vascular dementia. Entirely different problems, but similar struggle. Seems I'm fated to have to battle the authorities over dementia problems. Probably my turn next - after all, I am 70!

Hi Lily - sorry, only just spotted this on anothe 'inbox' in my email!  Yes, am giving it about a week (no MORE) before I insist on speaking to the Practice Manager!  Yes, I am a 'fighter' and not afraid 'threaten' to make official complaints (although actually rarely 'threaten' - I just let them know when I have 'done it' whatever it is!) 

My Mother did some months ago have a kind of 'standard' memory test - various questions I think, such as 'who is the Prime Minister'?  My Mother was considerably better then AND she was actually having a 'good morning'! Passed 'with flying colours'!

  I reckon now she would fail on all counts.   Hence 'going for this' prior to even trying to 'push' for specialist.   Interesting to read you were a nurse and I happen to have a best friend in my village - also a nurse, so I get to hear a lot of 'inside info.', most of which I have to 'keep to myself' but nothing surprises me!                                                                                                                  I used to live in Surrey too - Old Coulsdon.  Can't honestly say if Gloucestershire is better or worse!   (probably worse from 'things' I hear!)  'Shaking trees'  - love it!!   Usually 'hug them', being vegan! LOL!  

Oh well - on 13th Dec. I'm going to be 66 - so not far 'behind' you!  

Good on you helping your 79-yr. old friend - so sad when a patient has no-one to advocate for them!  Good luck with that!   Keep on 'battling' ! I certainly am!  I 'battle' everything with poor service: local shops, my mobile phone provider etc. and I 'BLOG'!   I also Tweet - that can be quite quick & effective in other cases!  

Actually, I am constantly amazed at how reluctant it seems a large majority of people would even think of complaining!!  'Get real all you out there who say/do nothing/accept it all - you HAVE to'!   

Good luck & will try keep you posted!    Cheers, (I have one Twitter a/c called '@boudicca_fight'!!)   'Says it all'  (it's mainly connected with animal welfare - but useful)  In other words, on a 'light-hearted' note: 'ya don't mess with ME'!  Some people 'mellow' when they get older - not 'this lady'! 

Go Clarie! I'm not actually someone to whom complaining comes easily, but don't feel I can stand by when I see someone being treated badly. Having a nursing background helps a lot with medical matters too, as I can spot things like signs of unauthorised additional meds being given to my friend on short-staffed weekends to keep her quiet. I think I finally put the fear of God into the staff of her home the last time that happened, about a month ago, and it hasn't been repeated since! This afternoon's achievement was to complain to the Director rather than the Head Nurse (who's about as much use as a chocolate teapot) when I discovered she hadn't been weighed for seven weeks in spite of eating almost nothing and visibly losing huge amounts of weight.

Just a point about that memory test your mother had. My own memory is getting a bit hazy as my Mum's test was in 2006 (am I getting "the moth" too?) but I don't think that's the full monty that a gerontologist would administer. The one my mother did just once, and which I think was similar to the one my friend does every three months in the much better health service over here, involved all kinds of questions. There was subtracting 7 from 100 and keeping going. My Mum was always a whiz at mental arithmetic, so couldn't be stopped and kept going till she arrived, accurately, at 2! The doctor was dumbfounded, said she couldn't have done that herself. Early on, they give them three words to memorise. They ask them to repeat the three words immediately afterwards, then a few minutes later, after doing another test. My Mum couldn't remember any of them first time round. They have to identify objects - pen, chair etc. - and copy a simple diagram, all of which she managed, and draw a clock-face telling a specific time, which defeated her completely. They also ask them questions about date of birth, the town they're in, current date, day of the week, year, season etc. My mother hadn't the faintest clue about any of the latter, of course - announced we were in 1979 - but still emerged with a score of 24 out of 30, so was officially "normal". Six months later, in the rehabilitation centre where she died, a lovely Pakistani doctor exploded: "What's the use of passing that b****y memory test if they can't find their way around their own house?!"

I wish you courage on your (and your mother's) long, difficult road.

Hi Lily - sorry for delay! These emails go in another folder & I get emails from various other people incl. 'scammers' 'by the ton'!      Well, I had written to my Mother's doctor, who at least had been discreet enough not to tell my sister I had written!    So, guess what........ my sister went & took  Mother in the morning (when she's usually more 'with it' AND whilst  having a 'better time'- went through various questions: 'spell WORLD backwards' - she got it!   What year?  She said 2012, but they both explained that they had just been looking at some old photos from 2012!     I don't what the rest of the questions were but Mother PASSED!                                                                                                                 The whole family, including me, were utterly 'gob-smacked'!  At least my sister did admit, whilst there, that Mother can't now recall how to switch on cooker, switch on & set washing machine; that she is now getting help with 'Sunday roast cooking' and also IS having & enjoying most of 'Wiltshire Farm Foods.      So she's officially NOT got dementia, although doctor I gather admitted 'could be vascular dementia'! She then said 'this is unlikely to get worse'!!!    What the hell planet is she on?!    Hence my Mother has not been 'struck off' by the DVLA and there are a (very few now) occasions when she will/may TAKE HER CAR OUT!!     

Sounds all quite similar to the experience with your Mum - officially 'normal'!  Quite amusing what the Pakistani doctor said! Said it 'like it is'!      What WAS offered to my Mother was a visit from 'Parkinson's nurse' - 'NOT that she has Parkinsons but some effects of it are similar'.  The family have emphasized to my sister that she MUST have the nurse visit during an afternoon, when my Mother is really most confused.      All of this, of course, depends if she remembers to take her pills for irregular heartbeat!!  Again, my sister DID admit to doctor (already knows from my letter!) that my Mother constantly forgets to take these; hence worsening her situation with blood flow not reaching brain sufficiently; leading to cells dying off in brain.  Well, as you can probably guess, I am NOT 'leaving things like this'!!    I will leave it a while & write to this doctor AGAIN explaining how my mother is 'at her worst'!    

We will be up there at Christmas - she can no longer 'cope' with having anyone stay in the house - we several of us will be in a 'Premier Inn' within walking distance.   I/we can then observe her further.

One thing which did occur after my call some time ago now to Social Services (I was a bit 'cross' with them as all they did was leave a brief message on my phone but 'got my sister in' and 'went on for about half an hour' AND mentioned my email to them, which I hadn't copied & pasted, having gone via their site.  Anyway, they did recently send out the OTs.  I think they added a few more grab rails; had a look at her bath seat - said 'good - this is better than WE can give you'! It was one occasion that prompted this: my Mother whilst my sister was nowhere nr. home (and who should she be all the time? She's a puppy walker for Guide Dogs) apparently Mother had got herself so exhausted trying to get out of the bath!  She's not a big lady; she's tiny, has always 'eaten like a bird' according to my brother!

'Have to laugh' at some of this!    Sister had got Mother into the bath upstairs, was doing something downstairs when she heard a huge 'CRASH, bang, wallop' coming from upstairs. She 'belted' up there to see what on earth had happened!   Mother had simply decided 'oh I don't this thing in my whilst I am bathing' & chucked it out onto the floor!

That's the problem now - with this kind of help - all very well, if the person takes notice/remembers.   She has a wrist 'Care alarm' but sure it's more often OFF than ON!   Having worked with Age UK, 'lost count' of how many times I'd see a pendant or wrist alarm on the coffee table - NOT on the client!  

Crikey!  Your first paragraph!  That's a real 'eye-opener' isn't it?!  Good on you for what you did!  You just HAVE to complain nowadays! Yes, of course, your nursing background helps tremendously.  I've never been medically trained, but have worked as secretary / admin. in various hospitals - one long 'strint' at the dreaded 'Mayday' which they have now re-named 'Croydon General' as if that makes anything any better!  I knew of APPALLING things that went on behind the scenes - from what I was told and also from assisting the Gen. Manager's secretary dealing with the complaints! (No PALS back then).    I've also worked as admin. in mental health facilities: one home for long-term mentally ill; then a small hostel for 'rehab' & 'respite' for 'service users', as they will insist on calling them.  Hence, had to read through, keep, all the various notes etc. & simply gained a good understanding of lots of things.  Also did a short 'stint' at the Surrey Royal Marsden - where I was a patient too (I am FINE now!!) but chose to never look at my own notes as, on the whole, was quite happy about my treatment there.  Then, after having moved to Gloucestershire 'doors opened' for my Age Concern work!   Crikey - this is looking like a 'CV' now!     Better sign off & will try remember to double-check the emails inbetween all my Facebook/tweeting for animal welfare!!     I hope YOU stay well and that your own memory stays OK.  I thought that the earlier a problem cld. be detected then there was something you could be prescribed to 'delay' the process.   All the very best - try catch you again before Xmas.  Talking of which....I am meant to be going to P.O. to get some parcels off! Take care xx