Advice and Support, Please
Posted , 7 users are following.
To all you wonderful ladies, I need some advice and support. I just finished 6 months of chemo and was scheduled to have surgery this coming Tuesday. All during chemo, I was careful to stay home, because I feared infection.
However, three weeks before my surgery, my partner met up with some friends, all of whom were aware I have cancer. At the end of their time together, one of the people told my partner that they had to be leaving; they felt bad because they had a cold.
One week later, my partner came down with the cold. Insisted that it wasn't because of the time spend with the acquaintance. My partner did nothing to protect me and refused to take any precautions, coughing and sneezing openly. I took what precautions I could, including wearing a mask, washing my hands frequently, and using hand sanitizer. To no avail.
I'm now ill and my surgery has had to be postponed. My doctor says that I shouldn't worry about the delay--it's not very long, long enough for me to be safe to have anesthesia. My partner has not apologized but is trying to be more supportive.
I am extremely angry with my partner and my partner's friend--I have been told there's no way I can be certain where the illness came from, and that is true. Every time I believe that I have made peace with it and with my partner, the feelings of hurt and frustration reoccur--and I lash out. My partner acts as though I'm carrying a grudge, and shouldn't be having these feelings. I feel much better for writing this, though!
Your thoughts, advice and support are much appreciated. xx
0 likes, 10 replies
lyn1951 lynda20916
Posted
Oh GRRRR, I can understand exactly where you are coming from with partner, and soo called friend, aren't some people complete idiots.
?Son was in hospital with immunise system totalled and the only person who broke his quarantine was a nurse to take blood for regular testing, I was furious when I found out, and filed a formal complaint, everybody else obeyed the instruction in RED on his door to dress in complete barrier so we did not carry any germs to him.
?Yes I would be very angry but you must put it behind you for the long term of your relationship, forgive but never forget I think is the way to go.
?And I know that venting on this forum is good for you, when I have been angry I have used this type of forum to vent, and yes it did help.
Best wishes for you future and and surgery it will not be too far away.
lynda20916 lyn1951
Posted
celia14153 lynda20916
Posted
Men can be so strange! They find the simplest things really difficult, like finding things or giving you the extra care you need just now. My guess is that he’s pretty overwhelmed by it all and wants everything to get back to normal. He’s probably feeling guilty which makes him defensive but well done you for enabling him to be more supportive. That’s huge. What a business it all is. You’ll feel so much better when your cold is gone and the operation in the past. Big hug - hang in there, you can do this 🙂
lynda20916 celia14153
Posted
Glennie68 lynda20916
Posted
Hi Lynda,
I can totally understand your distress! When you have surgery planned you mentally prepare yourself for it and to have this taken away from you just before you have reached that point is terrible! I think you will only be able to forgive your other half when the surgery is done! I know I would feel exactly the same if I were you. I think he probably does feel incredibly guilty - and thats why he's being a bit off. He really should apologise - after all the stress of waiting for surgery is pretty much enough for anyone to handle!
Hope all goes well and you get sorted soon! Xx
lynda20916 Glennie68
Posted
Hi, Glennie. Thanks! I finally told him exactly what I was feeling yesterday. It wasn't pleasant, but I had to get it all out. He apologized, but acted wounded. Part of it is I try to control as much as I can, and his attitude is "if it happens, it happens." At least, I had my say. It takes him a while to "process" stuff like this. Why is it that most women are married to 14 year old men? Maybe there should be a Group on this site for that?
xx
robyn94818 lynda20916
Posted
Thanks for the entertainment. You SO think exactly like me!! Just remember men are from another planet!! Their brains are wired completely differently. You are allowed to be wild, with all you're going through. Hugs for a recovery real soon. I used to get
so incredibly angry for so long, when bringing up my 2 children, & brainless twits would bring their sick kids to play dates or parties!! You're in way more of an emotional vulnerability right now so are allowed to be very pee'd off!! Hang in there, be brave. All the best for the surgery. X
lynda20916 robyn94818
Posted
del_05917 lynda20916
Posted
Sorry Lynda
I'm only catching up !
Yes sometimes I think men can't see passed there nose and when he didn't mean to carry home flu germs it is happens all the same. Of course u are annoyed and upset it's huge preparation ( in ur own head ) to get ready for these ops
Please god this is a small bump and delay and before u know it
Things will get back on track.
Xxxx
lynda20916 del_05917
Posted