Advice, any similar experiences?

Posted , 3 users are following.

I feel I'm depressed. I have felt this way for a long time now and I can't see a way of changing this. I self harm, I have attempted suicide before and I am struggling to see why I shouldn't do it again. My father abandoned me as a child and now my mother and step-father have kicked me out of their house. I'm not a bad person, my mother has a tendency to mistreat loved ones and disown them on a whim without any sense of remorse. I understand the way my mother acts shows many symptoms of Psychopathy and I know I should be their for her (which I was). My step-father came to the house I am staying at with three bin bags full of my hastily packed belongings. He explained to me that my mother had been to the doctors and has been diagnosed as Bipolar. I have gotten bother from my parents my entire life everyday since my step-father came along. Only I get troubled by them even though I am the 'good kid' in the family. My half brother, which is my mother and step-father's son, has never gotten a word said to him.. Despite the fact he steals and is extremely violent towards everybody. Now my mother says she wants nothing to do with me, yet my step father forces me to phone her up and ask her 'how she is'. Every time I make the phone call all I get is abuse and violence. I don't know what todo now. I can't do right from doing wrong.. I have spoken to doctors over the Internet and they have told me to get help from specialists but I didn't want to alarm my parents. It was obvious that I was suicidal when I lived with them because I refused to eat, there were blood stains on my clothes from the deep, Long cuts I gave myself and I even tried telling them that I was depressed (in reply to this I got a 'don't be stupid' ). My entire existence was just a cry for help and they just didn't seem to care. Now that my mother has been diagnosed though, I am expected to be sorrowful and do my best to help. Now this may be insensitive of me but I believe that if they didn't help me why should I help her? I want to but I don't think I should. Any advice on this would be appreciated..

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Dear friend. We have all been depressed on here but not all had your problems. You need special help. Guess you've tried your own GP? Do you have nearby friends to speak to face to face ? Friends who have known you for some years? If so sit down and tkk to them. You need hugs. If you need to try the Samaritans you can go

    see them nearby. Or by phone or e-mail but talking it out. Being good to yourself not others but knowing you

    are important. Yoare a wonderful person. Try making your own life wih friends and naking your own family.

    Take care of yourself.

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  • Posted

    Thank you very much Beverly, your advice is much appreciated.
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  • Posted

    Not advise just a frienss hopes hopes and wishes for someobe who's welworlh the fight.
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  • Posted

    Sorry ohone pkays up. That should of read;

    Not advise just a friends hopes and good wishes for someone who is well worlh the tme.

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  • Posted

    Hi Cameron I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the minute depression is not an easy illness to have, as to everyone we look normal no one knows the turmoil that is going on inside our heads so it goes unnoticed until we can't carry on any longer. I have been suffering with depression for over twenty years and have tried many medications, most have worked for me for a while and at the moment I am taking venlafaxine and have been on this for five years after a breakdown, I thought I was coping but I wasn't and eventually became incapable of doing anything but sleep and cry when we feel so low I believe it is only medication that can be the best help it's only my opinion but it has helped me every time. My heart goes out to you with self harming, if you could start to take care of yourself before thinking of supporting anyone else it's difficult as it is your mum but she has people around her who will support her, you have to concentrate on yourself now and when you start to feel better you can think of others. We beat ourselves up all the time about what we should be doing ,it takes up to much energy that we don't have when we feel this ways try to be a bit kinder to yourself

    Your not alone there are people who care about you so hang in there take care

    Sue xxx

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  • Posted

    Thank you, Sue, Im sorry to hear about your depression... Im not as clued up as this is as far as I've gotten with helping myself get better. I hope things start looking up for you.

    As for medication, how would I go about finding the correct meds for me? Would the right kind of medication help me with the extreme suicidal thoughts I have?

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  • Posted

    Hi Cameron

    First thing you need to do is see your doctor and be completely honest with them and tell them how bad you are feeling and the thoughts you have been having also be honest with the self harming it's not easy for anyone to admit you need help but it's the way forward because it's impossible to do this alone your doctor may suggest various medication and hopefully they will know what would be best for you, they will probably start you off with a low dose but if you still feel as bad they will probably increase the dose until you start to feel a little better, they also may suggest counseling but that usually takes a little longer to get an appointment but it always helps to talk about how your feeling to a stranger as you can be yourself, hopefully within a month or so you should be feeling a little better if your not got back to your doctor and tell them how you feel, there's no shame in asking for help we all need a little help sometimes don't be afraid to ask and use this forum as you will find lots of advice and support from everyone on here. Thanks for your thoughts good luck

    Suexx

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  • Posted

    Thank you again, Sue. You've helped a lot. I'll consider all options but this site seems to be an extremely helpful tool filled with lovely people. Hopefully getting my issues off my chest on this forum will relieve the feeling of being quite so alone with my thoughts. Thanks again!
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  • Posted

    Hi Cameron, I read one reply that seems like good advice about getting yourself well before you can help someone else. Also about seeing a medical professional probably psychiatrist and don't worry about what others think. You have to think of yourself. Also seek some support groups that may be out there. I am not sure about self harm groups but I am an Alcoholic and go to AA. I remember a lady coming in there and spoke and said that she was not an alcoholic but came there to prevent herself from becoming one. There are some true and honest people in there that do care. So I no I am no professional but that would be some of the things I would try.Good Luck.
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  • Posted

    Hello Cameron

    Its a nightmare isn't it! You know what you should be doing but don't know what to do first or have the energy anyway. If your like me then its difficult to get your head around being part of a family but yet so distant from them as if you are a stranger. If you havent any support from them, then you must be firm and forget about them and concentrate on looking after yourself.

    I agree with Sue, your doctor should be referring you for counselling although its not available now when you need it.

    You are going to be okay, give yourself a little treat, you deserve it. x

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