Advice for navigating new BP relationship

Hi All.

I came across this site when researching dating a bipolar person and it's been incredibly informative and helpful! I need advice and I think this would be the best place to find the information I need to make a decision on how to proceed. This is going to be a long post though, so if you do read it through and can offer some advice, thank you in advance!

I recently started dating a bipolar man. We live in the same building and met 3 years ago but only ever said hi in passing. But at the end of June, during the current apocalypse we're facing (didn't want to mention the pandemic name) with very little else to do, I would end up our building's pool and he was there daily as well. We started talking every day, for hours. It turned out that we were both going to the pool at the same time every day so that we could see each other.

One day he invited my daughter and I to have dinner with him, and that very night we decided to be in a relationship together. (We're in our forties and we check all each other's boxes) He'd apparently liked me for 3 years but hadn't been sure of making a move given I have a daughter and he wasn't sure of my situation as well as he's shy. We live in Canada, but he's from Columbia ad all his family are still there. They immediately sent me messages welcoming me to the family, added me on social media.. it was both strange but made me feel pretty special at the same time. He immediately told me he had bipolar as it's important information. I also told him about my PTSD, as that too is important information.

The first thing I did was research bipolar disorder so I could know what to expect and learn how to support him. I have to say, I wish I'd have come across this site back then! Nothing I read helped me to prepare for what it's been like other than saying that there will be times he needs space and not to take things personally. It didn't warn me about some of the behaviours involved!

We went on a camping trip for Labour Day Weekend and from my perspective, we had a great time. When we returned, he became a little more distant. I was patient as my research had prepared me for that. But when I asked him if he was needing some space, he began to talk to me as though he were scolding a child. He told me I was condescending, but he couldn't provide any examples. He said that he hadn't enjoyed the weekend at all because I stressed him out and spoke to him as though I were parenting him. He listed a few things that I had posted on his social media (he had posted a photo with a lyric that said evil boy and I commented that he wasn't evil, he was amazing with a heart emoji) and said that felt like I was bullying him and calling him a liar. I joked once when he had predicted something would happen in a movie that didn't, I said "haha, liar" and he listed that as well. He's obviously sensitive about the word liar.. I sat and listened to him, told him that I heard him, and while I didn't quite fully understand the concerns, I would work on not coming across as condescending if he could please point out when it happens, and I would not joke with him until we got to know each other better so he could have a better understanding of my sense of humour. I did share with him that he had a habit of being condescending to me and I was able to give him exact examples, to which he agreed were condescending and said he hadn't meant for them to be. He said he would stop.

Things seemed to be better, though he still talks down to me from time to time. Then we had an amazing weekend together last weekend, full of love and passion. It's been almost 2 months together now. But then the night before last, he came by after his motorcycle ride and we were enjoying each other. I asked him if riding his bike was one of the ways he enjoyed alone time. I was sincerely just asking a question to get to know him in conversation. I like to go on walks or read, or listen to music to spend quality time with myself.

He said "No, I like to ride my bike because I like riding my bike, that's why I bought a motorcycle. Am I going to have to ask permission every time I want to go for a ride?" I was pretty shocked at the response, and asked where it had come from and if someone in his past had given him a hard time about his bike. He told me that wasn't the case but that I was making a big deal about his going for a ride. When I said that was not what I was doing, he cut me off and said yes it was, that I like to push his buttons and that I always do that. I wish I'd have been better prepared for this behaviour because I was completely shocked by the irrational response and didn't know what to say. I asked for him to tell me what he meant by always pushing his buttons and he said he was annoyed now and left.

He just..left. I have not heard from him since. He has been online, I have checked so I know he's physically ok.

What just happened? Is this part of bipolar behaviour, and what should I do? Do I reach out or do I leave him his space until he's ready to talk to me? I do want him to know that I won't tolerate being treated that way, but at the same time I also want him to know that if this is part of his condition I will be there when he's past it. He takes his meds and doesn't mess around with that, and also speaks to a therapist monthly, though he had said he doesn't talk to her about personal things like our relationship. I really think he needs to. So that is a second question, how do I encourage him to talk to her about our relationship and his communication?

I know that a life with him will be ups and extreme downs from reading other threads. What I'm really looking for right now is how to navigate this current situation. Can anyone help?

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