Advice/Help on my military ex who has PTSD?
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My ex and I have been on and off again for two years due to him withdrawing from me and all of his family because he has ptsd episodes often. I'll call my ex E. I've been in therapy for a year and it has helped me to heal a ton because the first time E dissappeared from me I was a devastated mess. I now have a better understanding of PTSD and how it affects relationships. My therapist was in a hot and cold relationship for 7 years with her military ex who had PTSD and she has definitely helped me so much because she is the only one who understands how difficult and sad it is. I would like to read everyone's stories and have people on here who can relate to me. My best friends cannot relate and think that I shouldn't care about my ex so much and that he is a horrible person. But they just don't understand about the situation at all. So for a little background E and I hit it off immediately, we met on an app and even through just messaging him I had this special feeling about him. I always feel cheesy saying this but I have a feeling with him like I've never felt with any other. We don't judge each other and we can be ourselves around each other. When I'm with in person it just feels amazing. Well recently he came again after a year of not hearing from him and he admitted he felt the same way about me, it was like the beginning again as it always is when he comes back. But now it's been a month and E completely changed into his PTSD persona. He told me he feels colder and is in his own world now. He informed me he will be stationed to another country for 2 years and kept apologizing to me that he's leaving and that he's having an episode. I told him I love him and that I care for him so much and he just said he cares about me as well and that maybe I'll still feel the same about him when he comes back in 2 years. I'm just struggling with grieving the non PTSD sweet side of him. It shatters my heart to see him in his robotic emotionless side struggling with his PTSD. My therapist said I'm better of not getting back with him if the opportunity happens in the future. I know she's right and the inconsistency with E is hard. But its just so sad because if he didn't have PTSD everything would be beyond perfect and I feel in my soul that he is the love of my life and my soulmate. I'm just absolutely heartbroken for him and it's so sad seeing his personality change when he has episodes.
0 likes, 3 replies
sam18386 fizzy95278
Edited
hi fizzy, i have never been near a war but do have PTSD. a terrible illness, hard to understand and difficult to support others with who suffer from it. it's taken me years to try to recover from. does he see anyone about this? maybe he should! PTSD is no walk in the park, so hard to cope with if you are the partner of those trying to manage with it. the trauma of war would have knocked him for 6, he needs to be in contact with people who understand this, to us it feels alien, we don't understand it quite all we can do in sympathise. you may decide you need to get support for yourself too. my PTSD nearly pulled my relationship apart several times. take time for you,you will need to to survive. good luck!
fizzy95278 sam18386
Posted
Thank you Sam! I can't even imagine how awful ptsd must be and my heart truly breaks for those that have it. I just want to take every bad memory and trauma out of his brain but I know I cannot sadly. E was a medic working alongside marines and hes seen so much death and just awful things. A few months ago when he started talking to me again after an entire year, he told me he was in therapy the day he contacted me. His therapist encouraged him to apologize to those he has hurt and I was the first person to come to his mind, in fact he told me I was the only person he felt deserved and apology. He told me he had known he messed up really bad and that I didn't deserve to be treated like that which was what I really needed to heal from all the hurt he has caused me. I don't know if he is still seeking therapy as he is on a deployment right now so I would guess probably not. Especially since he is having a PTSD episode right now and probably has been for a month or so since I had to go to a few lengths to get him to reply back to me after a month. I do have support thankfully. My therapist dealt with a PTSD military ex for 7 years and she is the only one I know in person who understands what I'm going through.
sam18386 fizzy95278
Edited
has he tried EMDR? aak the therapist, it's especially for PTSD, it's quite a strong treatment but really works so i believe! good luck, don't forget you deserve a life too. i wouldn't wish ptsd on anyone.