Advice needed not judgment please

Posted , 8 users are following.

I don’t like the way my father in law touches my 7 year old daughter, he kissed her neck and had his hands on her bottom when we last see him and tonight I was brave enough to tell my husband how uncomfortable he makes me as he is very touching with all woman and he has got so mad at me and said I’m accusing his father of being something he is not and now I worried it’s going to be ignored when I am not around as usually I am at work when he visits my husband and daughter, how can I get him to understand I’m not accusing him of anything I just am uncomfortable with the way he is with our daughter and want him to stop ! Do you think I’m over reacting? Would anyone think it’s ok for an adult to kiss a child’s neck??? Please help me with your own opinions and thoughts on this thank you 

0 likes, 14 replies

Report / Delete

14 Replies

  • Posted

    I think your father in law is acting highly inappropriately! If your husband can't see that, he has a problem. You aren't accusing anyone of anything, but your daughter shouldn't grow up thinking it's okay. If your husband won't say anything to his father, you need to. Good luck, Hun xx

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you very much and I hope I can get my husband to understand what I am saying before I have to have the talk with the father In law as I won’t be so polite about it as he would. Have a good day 
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    If it makes you uncomfortable there is a reason as a mother you’re natural instinct is to protect your child do not be afraid to voice this. It is a very hard place to be put in and it is hard to keep everyone around you happy it may all be innocent it may not my advice to you would be to follow you’re instincts and act on them regardless of keeping the peace as if anything else happens you will only blame yourself later down the line. Telling your husband even though he’s angry now will open his eyes to it more and he will see more so try not to worry as much still air on the side of caution though. He won’t want to believe that of his father but he will protect his daughter. 
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      This may sound strange but you could take another tack, say in conversation that someone at work kissed your neck and put their hands on your butt, is that appropriate, no it most definitely isn't and I'm sure he will see it that way, just because it's our mother, father, brother etc their are just things that we as mother's find unecceptable and that's it end of conversation tell him it's not open for debate and if he is not more proactive then you will be

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you and yes I will try that approach with my husband and just ask how he would feel if it was any other man being like that with our daughter as he thinks he dad can do no wrong (as you should) but won’t listen to my concerns . 
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It is very hard I would imagine to even have to consider that your parents aren't always as perfect as we think they are, hopefully your bringing your concerns into the light will make your hubby be more observant as you or someone else said. I wish you had been every child's mum that didn't except everything as "normal " years ago women would keep silent for a quiet life, really sad, I'm not saying your right of course it could just be he's one of these over touchy, not that I like that even when it's completely harmless

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hey Emma, you have got to trust your gut instinct on this one. This must be such a difficult situation to be in. I think your husbands reaction is understandable as no one wants to believe that. It's the worst, isn't it? Therefore, your husband will ignore it and everything will carry as normal. But you still have this thought. You have to put your daughter first. I'm so sorry for you. Its tough I know. Donna xxx

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you and yes my gut is right I wouldn’t let anyone else touch my daughter so I won’t be silenced just because it is her grandfather. I am now also worried my marriage may end as I will not stay with a man who does not stand up for what I feel is not right just because he thinks he dad is not like that! Thank you so much with your advice again . 
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      You're welcome Emma, I really do hope your husband sees sense. Hugs and kisses are fine when done in the right way. I'm always honest and it doesn't seem right to me. Your understandable concern proves just how much you love your daughter and want to protect her. Stay strong honey. Donna xxx

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    You are not overreacting at all always TRUST YOUR GUT!! just like we tell our children if anyone makes them feel weird in there stomach tell your parent.six out of my 7 children were molested by my best friends oldest son and only 1 came to me.it has scarred them for life lots of therapy and lots of problems ..your in a very difficult  situation with your husband not taking your concerns seriously..but easy to understand cuz it is his father..but even if it causes upheaval you gotta try and limit his access to her or get out!! If you have to choose between husband and baby I know you’ll do the right thing..I don’t know your situation financially So it’s easy for me to say..I will pray for you and your child and I’m not just saying that I really will!!
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your advice and so sorry you had to experience that with your own children and bless them too xx and you are right I would leave my husband if he continues to deny that his fathers hands wonder to much with our child and does nothing about it , they both wouldn’t see her alone again. I’m feeling much stronger knowing I am right and his behaviour is unacceptable I will continue to be the voice for my daughter and this will never happen to her again. 
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi I agree with the others.  You don't have to criticise your husbands dad at all if you just say you know he is like that and whilst you don't for a moment think he is doing it deliberately it  just makes you unhappy when he touches your child like that.  Also make the point that whether or not he agrees it is you asking him to make sure he doesn't and that should be good enough.  x

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Forget what I said about limiting access that was stupid to say there no safe way for her to be around him
    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up