Advice on alcoholic partner

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So here I am still plodding with my alcoholic partner ( not that he admits that ) so I thought we had a break through were he broke down and said he wanted help to which I offered support and help with a private detox which I had looked into 6 months + ago yet within 1 day he is back to his defensive self and " has not got a problem " with all the blame lying elsewhere as usual it's work, me etc yawn !

So what now ? Back to status quo ? Persevere ? I don't know sadly so if anyone has the smallest pearl of wisdom it will be gratefully received, many thanks xx

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Cat,

    Your partner probably has the same fear as I do about detox. With me drinking is an everyday event. BUT thanks to the many good people on here, I have ordered myself some Kudzu Root herbal supplements. Now into day three and forcing down a beer. Don't really feel like drinking.

    They are a LOT cheaper than the Nalmefene available in the UK and doctors are somewhat reluctant to prescribe them.

    I am also told these herbs can help smokers quit. I am crossing my fingers on this one too.

    Good wishes to you both.

     

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply and have never heard of the Kuduzo root herbal remidies so shall certainly do some research on it.

      Good luck on your journey :-)

      Bless you xx

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    • Posted

      Can I ask, what is the fear with detox ?

      Genuine question and what if anything can I do to help, support said fears ? Xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Cat, I have read Deirdre's replys and don't think I could offer any other explaination for the fears of detox.

      I have fealt the health care system has let me down far too many times over several decades and the is my best response.

      Research for yourself & education. Try to stay away from presciptions if possible - DRS make a lot of their income from meds. and they are usually easy to get.

      Now I need to ask you - is your partner hiding from reality or does he really want to quit? 

      Did you do the search for Kudzu? There many good sites such as on Google or read what is on Wikipedia. Check out a health supply store and ask many questions.

      I know they are helping me after just a few days...and no withdrawls.

       

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    • Posted

      I wondered about you tim and the kudzu.  It is working for me too.  Someone stayed with me and was drinking and I drank Friday but couldn't get drunk.  Did not drink since and I don't want to now.  Just not worth the hassels.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi crazy cat and your partner.... I can totally understand your partners fear, and your sense of helplessness....I have had three home detoxes and four section THREE detoxes through my fantastic alcohol worker, my CPN and my psychiatrist....the fourth long term section literally saved my life....

    Dear crazy cat, my poor husband was at his wits end also my four beautiful children, I too was terrified of detoxing, the withdrawal symptoms are extremely unpleasant ( they must also be done under strict medical supervision )..I spent months in hospital ...( mental health clinics ) and the first week ...even with much medication is extremely difficult, but then you have that wonderful feeling of being human again, not constantly self despising a.d terrified....I went seven months totally sober, then had a slip, one of many, however it got easier and easier eventually and now twelve years later, I never even thi k about it ..and more importantly ALL THE DREADFUL, DREADFUL, DREADFUL !! CRAVINGS HAVE GONE...

    it is not easy, but your WHOLE life changes..you are also terrified of how you will cope without alcohol.... socializing I found difficult for a long time, also that endless craving for a long period....tell your partner it can be done, it is not easy...but...my goodness...you have your life back...and as Importantly ....YOUR FAMILY HAVE YOU BACK..

    It has a terrible effect on those who love you, you know that, and despise yourself...really, if possible for him through CAS and GP also your CPN..

    A home detox is the best option....

    I truly, truly, truly, truly xx wish your partner and yourself, good health, happiness, and mostly peace of mind every day....you will be in my thoughts, sincere regards...Deirdre xxx

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    • Posted

      I wish I knew how to reply to you, my heart has missed a beat and breath held whilst reading your words !

      I pray for the day my partner can even see that there is potential for a better life ( something he cannot see ) I see it and hope beyond hope that my belief can pull us both through, my fear is as the years pass that my faith alone is not enough :-(

      I wish he would/could trust that I am there to catch him should he fall.

      Thank you for your reply and you will be in my thoughts too xxx

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  • Posted

    Dear crazy cat, thank you for your lovely, very touching reply...

    Your partner can have a Cas worker through your GP, or he can just refer himself...the COMMUNITY ALCOHOL SERVICE..is run by the NHS and staffed by trained alcohol workers....nurses, doctors, therapists ect....

    They give invaluable support to both of you...in fact my LOVELY cas nurse ( Mary Quinn ) became a close friend of myself and my family...she would take me for days out, usually, our favourite large garden centre, and buy me a lovely meal..they are remarkable people, Mary now works at Birmingham hospital as a part of the transplant team...she oversees liver transplants ( if there is a spare one ) all the way through from her referral, through the operation, and the long recovery period...she fights for every alcoholics right to be treated as equals....if your partner would go to cas, either through your GP or yourselves, they are amazing, they put you under NO PRESSURE TO STOP DRINKING, but they help and advise safer drinking strategies, they will see you for as long as you need them,...I was nearly six years. But they can SO MUCH change his life and of course yours...you could contact them yourself for support, you need as much.. if not more help and a shoulder to lean on...you can have a CARERS CARER...

    We both have one because our beautiful three adult sons all live with us, and sadly all three have quite severe mental health problems, on 35 yrs old and twins 32 yrs old....

    Please try to talk your partner into talking to his GP and cas, I know he will be scared., but they will not force him to do ANYTHING but they certainly can help you both...you are both truly in my thoughts, please keep in touch. I send you both HUGE. HUGE HUGS.... Deirdre. Xxx

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  • Posted

    This is a hard situation, one I have been in. I have had problems with alcohol for years and have been detoxed several times. It is only now that I have been in hospital again I realise how it affects my wife and family.  He must admit he has a problem, this is the biggest and most important step for him, and you. It has taken me years to stop blaming others and making excuses. He must face up to this to help you all ! Good luck !!
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