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Advice please! Dating a new guy...

Posted , 3 users are following.

Nna48670
Nna48670

I was diagnosed with hsv-1 a couple of years ago. Had one outbreak and since then occassional symptoms but no outbreak like the first time. I've been dating this guy for a few months. It's been a slow moving relationship even prior to me sharing my lovely news. I told him about 2 months ago that I have ghsv-1 and we still haven't had sex. I'm definitely internalizing feelings of undesirability and unworthiness.  He initiated it one morning - 10 minutes before we had to be at work but hasn't mentioned anything since. He said he wants to go down on me and wants to see a doctor to ask questions but hasn't taken any real initiative in a. getting tested himself b. expressing any urgency in scheduling an appt.

Am I being overly sensitive and ridiculous? It seems like a long time to be dating someone and not sleeping together and I feel that if my virus wasn't a factor that we would have been having sex for at least a month or so. 

Honest, unfiltered opinions are needed!! smile 

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • gijane
    gijane Nna48670

    Posted

    Nna our condition is all psychological.  If you didn't know you had this virus You wouldn't be thinking so hard about it.  Men are different they need time to process things.  Although If I was in your predicament I would just ask.  Simple things like how is our relationship? Ask him what he thinks about it.  If the conversation can get to a serious level ask him to freely tell you what his concerns are.  Offer to give him (after you have researched it) information.  I once printed up a booklet of information on the Web just so me and my partner could discuss it.  I also explained to him how often I had outbreaks if any and that I had not passed this to anyone yet.  It's a lot about reassuring your partner that you do care.  That you will be open to telling them if you feel an outbreak coming on and giving him the most information. Of course there are the guys that just like being in denial be prepared for any reaction.  I really hope it all works out.  Try not to over think it the fact that he is still around without sex is a plus to. Gd luck
    • Nna48670
      Nna48670 gijane

      Posted

      Gijane, thanks so much for your reply. Definitely some helpful advice. At this point I'm now hesitant to sleep with him. If I end up giving it to him it would reinforce his concern and make me feel like total crap.

      Anyway, thank you! 

  • Kimmr
    Kimmr Nna48670

    Posted

    Hi nna, this disease makes us feel undesirable already. Sorry you're feeling that way. I like what gijane said about the time guys need to process. Yes, It seems strange that he's sleeping over and you're not having sex but it is all uncharted territory for him. So if it doesn't feel right to you anymore talk to him. You deserve to have a happy relationship and what you want. Good luck. 
    • Nna48670
      Nna48670 Kimmr

      Posted

      Thank you, Kimmr, I appreciate your input!
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