Advice/Support needed

Posted , 3 users are following.

I have Clinical Depression and various other mental health illnessess. I've been close to this boy- well, at least I thought so anyway. We had sex and he knew exactly how vulnerable I was when it all happened and now. He knew I wasn't even sure on whether we should be doing it, due to how vulnerable I was and how my mental health issues were affecting my judgment/descions at the time and even now; but it happened. To put it straight, this boy used me. I am fully aware it is not rape (and would never wrongly/fasley accuse someone) as I never denied consent. However, I cannot help but feel he has used my vulnerabilities to get what he wants and that's it. I am extremely hurt at the fact he has used me knowing how vulnerable and unstable I was both at the time and currently. Prior to having sex with him, he made me very dependant on him; he made me feel isolated to the point where I felt I only had him and had lost everyone else around me because of him. I don't really know what to do, I mean, would this be classed as something at all? I really do not know; I just feel broken, sick and like I cannot breath. I don't want anyone to think I am accusing him of rape, etc because I really am not. I am stating that I can't help but think this is more than just a typical boy using girl for sex situation. The way he has done everything suggests more. I know some people here will say I should be responsible for myself but when I am as vunerable as I was both at the time and now; I am not myself and am not capable of making any decisions. Taking into consideration that this boy knew everything in full detail about me and how everything affects me, all of my vulnerablities and that he knew if anything happened I would NOT be able to tell anyone due to infact having no one else but also family issues (so unable to discuss with family), does anyone else think this would be classed as something? It sure feels that way if not; I feel as though I've kind of been manipulated or brainwashed to believe and trust him fully so I am dependant on him and now dropped. If so, I would like to once again state that I will not be using this against him in anyway but I want to know for my own mind; to help myself move forward from this. Thanks in advance.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Was it just friendship then turned into something? Because it slightly sound like what abusers do. Make you isolated then totally dependant on him (from a domestic abuse point of view). It really does sound like this guy was an abuser.
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    • Posted

      Yes, he always told me he loved and wanted me, etc made me dependant on him solely and everything. But after sex has dropped me. I feel so confused with it all. I think Id just like to clarify in my own mind what exactly it is/what happened to let myself move forward. It wasn't a relationship (we hadn't spoke about that really) but it was a lot more than friendship, we was very close and basically together just not spoke about that and this is why I feel so confused.
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  • Posted

    I know it may be hard but it sounds like you had a lucky escape if it was sex. It's horrible how some people are but thank god your not in a relationship like that. It would of gotten worse. He really does sound like he is the mentally/emotionally abuser type. That's what them people do. I think the best thing you can do is try to accept that he did abuse you mentally and move on from it but also learn from how he treated you so it don't happen again. It's very sad that people are so selfish and cruel at times
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    • Posted

      It can take a long time to get over a bad relationship. Talking to a therapist

      can be very helpful, as is time with family and good friends. There are also good books that deal with problem relationships. One that helped me free myself emotIonally was called "Women who Love Too Much", (that may have been just part of the title, but should be enough to find it online). I  hope you quIckly fInd what you need to feel better, and hope we can help you as well.

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  • Posted

    I understand I was in an abusive relationship and it feels so lonely when it's over. I tried to reach out to my old friends and explained to them what was happening at that time. Luckily I had supportive friends. Find something that makes you happy wether it's drawing or dancing or even reading. Have some time to yourself doing something you enjoy. Then when you feel up to it reach out and try to make amends with people 😊
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  • Posted

    In my experIence, there are boys/men who are attracted to vulnerable gIrls/women, and vIce versa. They may seem to know all about you, your vnnermost thoughts and desvres. The relatIonshIp becomes very IntImate, and after sex they flee, for whatever reasons. It could be he Isn't all that mentally stable hImself, or has a fear of IntImacy and could not handle the sex. Or It could be he was just playIng a game. NarcIssIsts are notorIous for these types of behavIor, as are people wIth other personalItIes such as BPD; many have a deep fear of IntImacy.

    Unfortunately, when we are most vulnerable, and need someone the most, we  often meet people wIth serious emotional problems of theIr own. I'm not sayIng that predators don't exIst; obvIously they do, but sometImes, often, maybe, the predator-type of person Is just actIng out hIs or her own vulnerabIlItIes. They appear  to have a lot to offer, but In realIty they are lookIng for someone to fIll theIr own needs.

    If he used trIcks lIke confusIng you, separatIng you from famIly and frIends, or tryIng to make you jealous, seeIng hIs behavIor for what It Is wIll help you free yourself from the relatIonshIp. Don't fall Into the trap of tryIng to fIgure out whether he loved you or not, and what was true and what was a lIe, or anythIng else that keeps you tIed up In the relatIonshIp. It's better to move on, realIze that fallIng Into a bad relatIonshIp does not mean you're weak, or a bad person, but recognize that you need to detach, emotionally as well as physically.

    As hard as It can be, It's usually best to avoId an IntImate sex relatIonshIp when we're vulnerable. If we can focus on our own healIng, we stand a better chance of a healthy relatIonshIp once we're stronger.

    Best wIshes, and I hope you fInd health and happIness In the future.

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