Afraid to follow meal plan, I think there's too much on it

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi everyone, I'm a 16 year old female. I'm really short at about 153cm, current weight now I have no idea, but I have gained a lot since my lowest weight at BMI 14.7.

I have been struggling with anorexia since June this year (though the disordered thoughts have been inherent in me since forever). My school noticed and forced my mum to take me to the doctor, so I've currently been in "recovery" for about a month now. I don't think I've had anorexia that long, so I'm not really a serious case I guess. I'm currently in outpatient treatment and my next appointment with my dietician is in 2 weeks.

One and a half weeks ago I sort of developed BED according to my therapist. I got so so so hungry, I was eating loads all day and couldn't stop thinking about food. It made me feel really really gross: I ate an entire large jar of PB by myself in 5 days, I had bars and bars of chocolate, bowl after bowl of oatmeal.... Even when I was physically full, I just COULDN'T stop. When I went back for my appointment 3 days ago, I was given a new meal plan on the grounds that my previous meal plan was "too little" for me. But the thing is: the urges have stopped, I think I'm in much better control of myself around food now, and there is no need for an increased intake. And I'm so so scared to follow this new meal plan: I've probably gained back all the weight I have to from my 2+ weeks of incessant eating.

Would really love for some reassurance and advice on this. Like I said, my next appointment is in 2 weeks so I have to hold on. >< my="" previous="" meal="" plan.="" i="" proceeded="" to="" eat="" twice="" of="" what's="" on="" it,="" and="" went="" on="" to="" other="" stuff="" in="" the="" fridge="" ;(="" b:="" 10="" tablespoons="" oatmeal="" (the="" instant="" quaker="" kind,="" my="" fav)="" one="" pot="" full="" cream="" yoghurt="" (the="" individually="" packed="" kinds)="" one="" fruit="" (usually="" a="" really="" large="" banana)="" s:="" half="" a="" bar="" (50g)="" of="" lindt="" 85%="" chocolate="" l:="" palm="" size="" portion="" of="" meat="" (chicken/fish)="" 3/4="" bowl="" of="" rice="" some="" veggies="" s:="" one="" fruit="" d:="" same="" as="" lunch="" s:="" one="" pot="" of="" full="" cream="" yoghurt,="" the="" rest="" of="" the="" lindt="" chocolate="" bar="" (50g)="" the="" current="" meal="" plan="" i'm="" on.="" i="" think="" it="" got="" bumped="" up="" by="" 1000="" cal,="" really="" really="" nervous.="">.< i="" tried="" not="" to="" calculate="" calories="" but="" it's="" just="" habit="" to="" estimate="" and="" i="" came="" up="" with="" about="" 2700="" b:="" 12="" tablespoons="" oatmeal="" 300ml="" whole="" milk="" 1="" large="" fruit="" s:="" soy="" beancurd="" (approx="" 200="" cal,="" i="" like="" to="" replace="" it="" with="" fage="" total="" full="" fat)="" l:="" one="" bowl="" of="" rice="" with="" 1="" portion="" meat="" and="" 2="" portion="" veggies="" or="" noodles="" where="" when="" eating="" out="" i="" have="" to="" ask="" for="" extra="" ingredients="" s:="" 1="" bun="" with="" filling="" (curry="" bun,="" tuna="" bun,="" chocolate="" bun="" etc...="" my="" country="" loves="" these.="" really="" high="" in="" cals.)="" or="" 6="" pieces="" of="" cream="" crackers="" or="" 1="" small="" pack="" of="" nuts="" or="" 3="" chocolate="" digestives="" (mcvities)="" or="" 1="" pot="" full="" cream="" yoghurt="" or="" 2="" soyjoy="" bars="" (i="" actually="" tried="" these="" and="" they="" were="" yummy)="" or="" granola="" bars="" (i="" bought="" the="" nature's="" path="" oat="" and="" honey="" one...="" haven't="" tried="" cos="" afraid="">< 190 cals a pack)

d: one bowl rice, palm size chicken/fish and 1/2 bowl veggies

s: 200ml whole milk

it's a lot isn't it. i skipped breakfast and i wasn't even hungry the whole day. and i felt really really bad and guilty about eating.

please help!

sorry for the extremely long post, hope someone bothers. 190="" cals="" a="" pack)="" d:="" one="" bowl="" rice,="" palm="" size="" chicken/fish="" and="" 1/2="" bowl="" veggies="" s:="" 200ml="" whole="" milk="" it's="" a="" lot="" isn't="" it.="" i="" skipped="" breakfast="" and="" i="" wasn't="" even="" hungry="" the="" whole="" day.="" and="" i="" felt="" really="" really="" bad="" and="" guilty="" about="" eating.="" please="" help!="" sorry="" for="" the="" extremely="" long="" post,="" hope="" someone="" bothers.="">

d: one bowl rice, palm size chicken/fish and 1/2 bowl veggies

s: 200ml whole milk

it's a lot isn't it. i skipped breakfast and i wasn't even hungry the whole day. and i felt really really bad and guilty about eating.

please help!

sorry for the extremely long post, hope someone bothers. >

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Posted

    Heya. Thanks for posting there is a lot of interesting info here.

    You noted about developing BED. I don't know your patterns and enough about you but there are differences between a formal diagnosis of BED and binges caused by eating habits. It took me a while to grasp and confront this and I was embarrassed that as someone who had an anorexic diagnosis I was bingeing. When I spoke to my dietitian about this he highlighted that this happened all the time when meals were skipped especially carbs.

    He used the oxygen analysis. So hold your breath for a bit and see what happens when you allow yourself to breath normally. Your breath is short and you are trying to get air as quickly as possible.

    Similarly you need energy to respire. (Basic science). So if you deprive you body of energy your body will seek it in its most densest form that is near to you, hence we binge.

    Eating regularly will stop this which is why your meal plan has lots of pieces on it. It's there to help you feel more in control.

    You mentioned it feels a lot and it will. This is how I'm feeling today as I have weigh day and see my dietitian and know my mealplan will increase. We alluded to the fact that my previous mealplan was the equivalent to the amount that a 1-3 year old would need (not sure if that's helpful at all!)

    Again - I don't know about your current weight and blood chemistry, but if you have been such a low weight then the inclusion of milk is vital to prevent refeeding syndrome. Your treatment team will potentially be concerned about osteoporosis too so try to think off these bits as medicine if you feel they are too much. Because they will help you out.

    I think the plan looks fine. Is there any scope for variety in it? E.g. different things different days. One thing I struggled with was only eating one style of soup as my main meal for ages at uni and it can be difficult to jump out of a safe behaviour like that. I have much more variety now like I buy different flavours of oats so simple for breakfast, I try and either get a piece of fruit in for a snack or a snack bar. There are loads of great soups at the moment which have a lot of substance to them, so that's nice and convenient for work. Then dinner can be my challenge and it depends what I'm doing and where but like tonight I'll probably have a homemade lentil curry with veg or chili con carne (with quorn mince) and veg.

    There you helped me...because I needed to plan my meals today!

    If I'd give any tips, stick to your plan because it can take a year or longer for your body to understand hunger properly again so your plan will help you with this and give you structure.

  • Posted

    Oh also...I knew I forgot something crucial!

    You mentioned skipping breakfast. It's the most important meal and helps improve moods and weight regulation.

  • Posted

    Stay strong! You need to keep with your meal plan because food is your medicine and you need it feel healtier and better in yourself. I totally get that its feels like lots of food but your therapist knows what you need.

    Be strong and continue to follow tour meal plan and be proud of yourself. Also, breakfast is the most important meal of the day and is needed to set you up for the day

    Here to talk!

  • Posted

    Dear Yell

    I notice you add comments like 'fav' and 'yummy' on your 'scary' menu/food plan.Is that to hide something? Are you feeling pushed into overeating or bulimia?

    Also, you set your eating habits as a minor problem. ALL deviations from a balanced diet are a problem that potentially can lead to BIG problems that take years to mend - if ever possible, and should therefore be taken seriously.

    In a way you are lucky to get help this soon. But menu plans alone will not do the trick. There's an underlying cause that need to be discovered and dealt with.

    Don't be afraid - Take it as a journey with both bumpy and smooth rides.

    2700 calories does indeed sound a lot, but remember it is only for now while you build up. Your brain and inner organs need this to function and, when you do delve deeper into the core of the problem.. you will need your brain to function!

    But don't force yourself too hard. You have to be comfortable. Your body has to get a chance to remember how to tell you that it's genuinely hungry. Having said that: Don't fool yourself. Be aware of what really is happening with your way of thinking and your ways of making desicions.

    Is there a plan for you to gain X amount of weight in X amount of weeks? This too, you'll have to decide if you're comfortable with (with a clear open mind towards why you feel the way you do)

    Has anyone told you what happens when you gain weight? Is weight an issue at all with you? (There is a common misplaced belief that anyone who suffers an eating disorder, does so because he/she wants to look like a slim model or doesn't want to grow up or just wants attention.)

    Try find some support groups like the BA (bulimics anonymous). EA (eating disorders anonymous). They are widespread and run by dedicated volunteers who have been there and seen it all.

    You'll be fine!


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