Afraid to leave relationship
Posted , 7 users are following.
Here is my story. When I was 20 a friend and I went to my coworkers house we had a few drinks and I got so drunk. My friend ended up leaving me at this house...my coworkers cousin raped me. All I remember was waking up to him on top of me. A few weeks later...I just didn't feel right. I went to the Dr and everything came back negative..I met a man a year later and we have been together for 12 yrs. I had a baby a few years ago and again all std test negative...but I recently found out they don't test for herpes. My bf got a blood test this year and it was +. I went a few months ago and it is positive also. Well for the past 12 years all we do is fight and I have said that I'm done and I'm leaving..he doesn't want to end it and he said that if I leave he's gonna tell my family that I infected him with herpes..I'm want to end this relationship but I'm so scared of him telling everyone..he would do it, I know....and I'm 100% sure I gave it to him and I'm sure I got it from the guy who raped me.
Don't know what to do
1 like, 9 replies
Anonymous93 me18883
Posted
Sorry to say but he's an a**hole. I wish your circumstances were a lot simpler. This is a really tough ine because I know you don't want everyone to know. You also don't want to be with him so this is a tricky situation. I feel like in life some things just happen. Herpes happens to be one of them. I was diagnosed yesterday. I've been tested for everything in the past but I also found out that they don't routinely test for herpes and it's something you have to ask for. Maybe you should try sitting down and having a talk with him to see if you guys can reason. I really hope this whole situations plays out in your favor.
Takenc me18883
Posted
Work on your relationship. It was not your fault that you got herpes. Herpes now shouldn't rip a relationship apart. It should unite people together. And be more aware. But work on your relationship. People now are uneducated of std and having herpes will make it harder to find someone that wil except you with what you have.
alex22531 me18883
Posted
If he wants to blackmail you over something that was completely out of your control and that you had NO DECISION IN, then let him do it. Everyone will see, the kind of "man" he is. Herpes isn't a death sentence, it's a mere skin condition. I'm a woman in a relationship for example, and I have genital HSV1. My significant other is very accepting of it and it hasn't changed a thing between us, it's actually made us closer and neither of us accused one another of infidelity because we understand that either of us could have had this, or maybe just I do but because the transmission rate for it is very very low and the likely hood of it returning is also low .. We aren't concerned. But my point being is you need a supportive partner with this and it's possible to find one and be in love while having this condition. It doesn't have to be with him, do not settle for someone who is going to treat you that way. I'm very sorry for what happened to you, stay strong and I hope you're able to either work things out or find the strength to leave and move on because you as a woman deserve better.
me18883 alex22531
Posted
I just replay that day over and over...I take full responsibility for being irresponsible and getting so drunk, but I was at a coworkers house where I thought I was safe and was with my best friend never thinking she would leave me there...
I don't wanna settle but it just makes me so scared for everyone to know...I need to leave but it's so hard especially since I feel like I ruined his life
alex22531 me18883
Posted
No someone ruined YOUR life, and unfortunately your husband contracted it but he needs to stop being selfish and understand how damaging this is for you. If that happened to his daughter how would he feel if her husband did this to her over something she couldn't control!? Everyone gets drunk, everyone parties, but not everyone deserves to get raped and taken advantage of when they do. You trusted people you shouldn't have and that's ok too, it happens but he needs to be there to support you and comfort you instead of making you feel responsible for this. That's just so unreal and unfair. He needs to take a seat and do some research because hsv is not like having AIDS or something even worse. It isn't a death sentence!! If he cannot understand this and if it makes him feel big and bad to black mail you then excuse my language but F*CK HIM AND THAT! I'm a woman who felt like my world fell apart when I was diagnosed so I know how it feels I can only imagine if I had a partner who was cruel to me about it too. You need to find your strength and either put your foot down or walk away from this unhealthy situation.
yanira me18883
Posted
You should never settle with someone like that because your afraid. You didn't ruin his life. Thousands of people live with HSV and live normal happy lives. I have it as well and I met the most amazing, compassionate man ever. He's understanding of my situation and supports me. Never be ashamed of it to the point you rather stay with him than to have people know. Its hard but trust me, its not the end of the world. Maybe you should sit your family down and tell them yourself so he won't have anything to keep you around with. Hope you think this through and do what's best for YOU?!
Takenc me18883
Posted
me18883 Takenc
Posted
e86100 me18883
Posted
If you tell your family yourself and own it, he becomes powerless to threaten you. If you are unhappy, leave and accept that you can't control what he does to get back at you. Having HSV is far from the end of the world. If you are afraid of people finding out you have HSV then I would say you have not fully come to terms with it and it is still controlling your thinking. Own it, peace out on that guy and let what ever us going to happen happen. You got this!