After all this time...

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I spoke to my separated wife yesterday....it is now five years. We discussed a few things..divorce being one. I was not surprised to talk about the matter...I have mentioned it in the past also. I have not met anyone....she has now done so and made that clear to our fantastic teenage boys. But after all this time....I could not help myself from falling apart.....I still feel so terribly raw.....at losing the woman I loved....of the family we once were together. I had councilling a couple of years ago....I have had periods of feeling buoyant and I have had some sexual encounters with other women....but no relationship of any kind. So how is it that my sense of loss still leaves me unable to eat...or sleep properly.... That I love so much.......that time has not healed me......especially when my wife sits there so unemotional about it all. I suppose also....being a kind...honest...warm family guy.....who also made mistakes along the way....tho nothing nasty like affairs...drugs...gambling...etc....that I have lost so much....as tho I have nothing left at all. Of course... My kids are beautiful.... I know that....!!!!

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  • Posted

    Hi Ron

    you sound like a wonderful guy who unfortunately has been hurt very badly.

    It's so hard to heal a broken heart, but every day you let your heart ache to such an extent, you are depriving yourself of really experiencing living and loving again. I think this situation has really knocked your confidence along with the ability to love and want more out of life for yourself.

    I think it's always tough for the person left behind. You will find live again, sometimes you may need to experience several people until you get to the right person for you. Start today afresh, make an action plan to move forward for yourself. Don't dwell on the good times you once had, dwell on the negatives! Save your positive feelings for your future hopes and dreams. I know you probably feel like you won't love anyone like you loved her, but you will! You are in the driving seat. With your action plan as your map...drive nice and steady to happiness! Please don't waste any more energy on your ex. Build up your confidence and start to mingle and really engage your new life.

    god bless Ron

    ♥♥

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    • Posted

      Thanks Lorraine. I can't progress by looking at the bad times....there were some...but I don't put my wife in this mix....times were bad more because of the external pressures...caring for my mum...struggling business....lack of money and debt rather than I had issues with my wife. We were under so much pressure...she broke down....and she attached that breakdown to me...which I always felt hash to say the least.... But it seems to be the way it is. But as a couple we were never at each other....she just sopped loving me when we were surrounded by all these other issues.....she just doesn't love me....
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    • Posted

      Ron29466

      Chances are she didn't stop loving you, only the kind of love and the connection changed for her. She may have felt abandoned not because you did anything to create those feelings but because of tapes playing in her mind. We all have them there made up of past experiences we encounter. I think I relate to you so very much that's why I feel so compelled to message you back and forth. I hope I'm not becoming a pain. If there are things i can help with please let me know I sure wanna help if i can. Best wishes.

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  • Posted

    Ron

    I forgot to mention it may be a good idea to let your doc know about your difficulty sleeping and lack of appetite. I think it's important you do this xx

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  • Posted

    There is nothing pretty about divorce. I tried at first to say to people he's not a bad guy, I'm not a bad person either but we are just not a good couple. I was married 21 years. I had been with this man since I was 19! I am now 42. It was the only life I knew EVER! At first it was difficult. I did love him. How do you spend 23 years with a person and not. But my love for him wad not stronger than my desire to be happy. He was so very mean and hurtful to me. After I left our home of 16 years, he turned our children aginst me. That at this point not able to forgive. Maybe someday, but like you I'm hurt so deeply,and the scars are so raw I find it hard to believe I can get over his vingful acts! The only thing I can think of is reconciling in your mind that the life you once had was just a chapter of a book. Their are more chapters to come. The best part is the happily ever after chapter. I don't know her name or where she lives, but I do belive she's out there and when you find her, when you make a connection with her, you'll know it. Love is the best medicine for a aching heart. All I want in this world is my children, not to myself but for their to be a healthy relationship with both me and their dad. And love, real love unconditional love! Some one to love me as much as I love them. Someone who will share the good times and comfort me in the bad times. Someone who will let me do the same. Someone who I wake up thinking, what can I do to make his day better? What can I do to show him how much he is valued,charished and loved? Someone who is willing to do the same for me. To share all life's roads with! Go on trips together, laugh together cry together, go old together, work and play together. Those are my wishes for you. I hope your heart does heal enough to alow that special lady in your world. Best wishes,through this time.
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply and kind wishes. My wife is a good woman....there hasn't been nasty stuff between us....niggles...disagreements for sure....but nothing nasty and there still remains respect for each other. She remains unemotional with me....whilst I just broke down. I see her often...and things are fine...just when you talk of divorce....and the finality of it all.....it hurts like hell...even still...and I'm a level headed type...
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    • Posted

      2ron29466, what do you mean the level headed type? Please do not mistake my reply. Divorce is hard. No matter the terms between the 2 people who once shared a life. All I wanted to do was soften the blow of that for you. Help you to understand it's a part of life like it or not. If we can see it in a different light it might help us deal with it. My situation is different than yours but I can relate. I am sorry for your loss. I think divorce is worse than DEATH. When someone dies there is closure. Your not going to run into them later down the road like you will in divorce. At some point closure comes, but much more difficult I think and way WAY longer. I know you hurt,my prayer is for you to be able to hurt less and less and that some day you'll be able to let some other lady in. Love really is a cure to what makes your heart ache.
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