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After more than a year of sobriety...

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matthew7979
matthew7979

This site helped me so much.  I was told the only way to be sober and stay sober was through AA.  I am not a fan of AA, eventhough I realize they do great work.  I have never believed there was only one way to get things done.  But after more than a year of sobriety I am even more confused then before.  What is my quality of life?  Am I better off now than before?  To be honest my qualty of life is that of being a shut in and I only live for my work.  I love what I do, but I cannot define myself with this.  I am debating on drinking and being social but it just sounds like a horrible idea.  So I am coming to all for advice.  Has anyone experienced this also?  Thanks for the help...

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • anthony10903
    anthony10903 matthew7979

    Posted

    We sometimes get sticking points in recovery.If you quit drinking because you werent happy then drinking again will most likely be a mistake.So why are you shut in. Can you get out to social activities.Try volunteering but dont work hard at it just get to know everyone involved.You want to be social,start making a list of events you can get to .I had accident ,but I always wanted to do triathlon as I ran when I was younger.I kind of limp ran but soon could manage.I learned how to swim.Triathlon was terrific.now I mountainbike race.I tried boxing for 1.5 yrs.I have been sober for six yrs.I change where I volunteer often I know so many people now.Try new thingss.AA isnt for everyone,but people there work toward a common goal.I hang with other volunteers,or athletic people .you need to find your inspiration.what have you always wanted to do. begin your journey.You can do anything you set your mind to.
    • matthew7979
      matthew7979 anthony10903

      Posted

      All of this is true.  I am going back to school for my Master's.  I have always wanted to box.  Maybe the time is now.

      Thanks,

      And like I said, I am not, nor will ever bash AA.  I am just stubborn.  When people told me I could never become sober without AA, I took it as a challange.  I do bleieve it is time for therapy and to get to the root of all of this.

  • DreamDancer
    DreamDancer matthew7979

    Posted

    Hello Matthew,

    I am too scared to go full abstinence. Probably scared to find myself asking the same questions than you! One thing I can tell you for sure is, whatever the question is or may be, alcohol is definitely NOT the answer!

    There are other ways of finding a purpose, most of which do not include pubs :-) Do you have any hobbies? Do you socialise outside of work?

    • matthew7979
      matthew7979 DreamDancer

      Posted

      I do lift weights, but since I am a teacher I do so at school helping the students.  I do not seem to have any friends outside of work.  I mean I do but they all have families and as a single male over the age of 40 it seems tough to put myself in these family situations.  I know that alcohol is not the answer, but man it seemed like I used to have much more fun lol...
    • DreamDancer
      DreamDancer matthew7979

      Posted

      We all did :-) And we will again...soon :-)

      Have you thought of Ballroom dancing? No, I'm not kidding :-) Memory, physical exercise and social interaction all in one package! And it appears to be very popular with teachers. I teach a class of 14 people, of which 11 are/have been teachers or head masters. Single males are like hen's teeth. Even if you are crap at it...the ladies would queue up. Especially if you are in your 40's....that makes you practically a chicken ! I am a gay man and I can hardly fight them off with a stick :-)

      Fun will be back, it's just not going to be the same kind of fun. Find your niche, your passion. One that does not include destruction, preferably. May I ask what you teach?

    • matthew7979
      matthew7979 DreamDancer

      Posted

      I teach U.S. History and also an APUSH class.  I coach football, American, and also work in the weight room.  I love what I do, but I do not want my work to be the only thing in my life.  Ball Room dancing you say?  Hmmm....
  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 matthew7979

    Posted

    I really thought back on my 8 years of sobriety before I picked up a drink 2 years ago and asked myself most of the same questions you are pondering now.

    I didn't think my life was that great sober.  I didn't think I accomplished much.  I didn't think I had better relationships with family and friends (actually I thought they were worse because I started to speak my mind and make boundries). I didn't get that promotion at work you hear...I actually got demoted.  I did not get more mentally stable....

    So one day I decided I was going to have a 6 pack!  I figured..only a 6 pack (notice I didn't think only one drink). Well, I didn't notice at the time that I was thinking that way.  I bought it...and here I am 2 days later....many detoxes...much suffering...and looking back on that 8 years...and realizing...I didn't have all those things then...but whatever I did have...I lost this time. And...worse..my health and looks have declined significantly.

    The danger of picking up after stopping is THiNKING it will be brief....having it spiral out of control...and not being able to stop.  I'm scared for you that you are thinking this way.

    • matthew7979
      matthew7979 Misssy2

      Posted

      Thank you for your response.  Actually, I guess lucky me, I currently have some sort of flu virus so I am not drinking anything but water and I constantly feel horrible.  So drinking now would be a no go.  I think we have to feel and have to question...  If I just was a robot that would be no fun.  But your story is noted.  Thanks for being honest.
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