Age 40.. Been diagnosed.. How to cope.. Any advice please

Hi - I am pretty familiar with these feelings.  I was just diagnosed 3 wks ago.  The first thing I'd suggest is to take care of yourself.. make sure you are taking the right meds and supplemants (and sleep) to insure your body is capable of fighting the infection and keeping it away.  It's pretty difficult to think anything positive about the future while you're having an outbreak.  

That said my first infection just cleared up about a week ago... after 4+ grueling weeks.  I have had more time and space to 'process' the implications of my diagnosis and can say confidently that time helps.  

I've battled chronic Lyme disease for the past 10 years and can tell you from my experience that first and foremost you need courage and strength to move forward.  From that courage comes dignity.  Dignity allows you to hold your head up and acknowledge and breath and relax with the idea that you have a chronic infection that will be with you forever.  With that dignity you no longer allow yourself to feel pity for yourself or longing for your 'old life.'  

With your body getting back it's strength and the infections staying away you will be able to start cultivating these thoughts and living w/ beauty.  It's all you got.  

After my outbreak cleared I started doing a few minutes of meditation in the morning after I get out of the shower.  I lay on my back and focus on my breath as I relax with the ultimate goal of stopping my thoughts and just breathing.  It's not easy at first but after a few tries you can start to find it.  As you continue to 'cultivate' that quiet place you will find that during the day when your mind is running like madness around everything you can come back to your breath, quiet the mind and feel peace... just letting a lot of it go.  

I know when I first determined I had HSV, and while I was living through my first outbreak, my mind did not let up w/ the implications, the blame, the 'future' encounters etc.. All that chatter is stress and stress is the #1 cause of immune repression.  So whatever you do to cut stress and clear your mind, exercise, meditation etc.. start there.  The only one who is really going to help you get through this is you..  and in that you will find a lot of strength.  

good luck!

@TryKeepSmiling

I read this and felt liked I was 100% in your boat, in terms of relationships and how the past 4 months picked up and that now being diagnosed life feels like it's over in terms of relationships.

I wish I had faith hun, but I'm only 20 years old and I'm defientaly not coping well with this, it's now my second day since the results, and still to now everything i watch read listen to have something to do with diseases, it instantly pulls me back into a deep dark hole where there's no one or nothing to help me or guide me out.

Don't feel guilty about feeling horrible, What we have may not be deadly nor actually that bad of a disease (so to speak)

But It definently still something to be emotionally torn from.

Talking to someone about it that doesn't have the disease it's self,  doesn't help at all.

I spoke to someone who isn't judgemental or is a best friend, but because she doeasn't have the disease she doesn't understand the emotions and feelings i'm getting. So to her she feels like it's nothing that serious, when in light of the fact it is quite serious, at leats to the person carrying the disease.

I just found out yesterday the person I most likely caught the disease from, She didn't know she had it but we know who she got it from.

Originally she had a blood test and it came back negative, and we thought she didn't have it which left me con fused because I was unsure of who I got it from, but just as of yesterdat she started getting red lumps in her genital area, so she most likely has it now, and before she thought she had it she didn't understand why i was over reacting sdo much to it. now she realieses she might have it she' understands.

This disease is a deadly one but emotionally it can draw you to do stupid things. People need to be educated so badly on this disease so when they get it or others get it they won't feel so secluded because of the stigma.

I'm not coping well I need someone to talk to, but remember I'm always here if you need to talk!

hi yes i know how you feel i found out about 2 weeks ago i had it and belive me i feel the same as you in all ways just need to keep bizzy dont think about it easier said than done try think whats happend has happend nothing i can do about it now try make the best of it your not alone i am still trying to take this advice to i have not talked to anyone not that i have anyone to talk to about these things not sure keeping it to ourself is a good thing the more i read about this the more people seem to have it so i am sure we dont have to be alone michael x

Hi, hopefully you have been able to read back through all the comments on this forum.  I got herpes 23 yrs ago, & it hasn't gone away. I'm 59 now.  I get episodes about 4 times a year, even though I'm on suppressant medication.  You need to find a close friend you can tell & use him/her for support.  One in six people have herpes, but don't tell even their closest friend, as they feel dirty.  Don't fall into the trap of thinking you can sleep with someone without telling them - it isn't fair to them.  I've always told partners, & they have not shyed away from me.  People respect honesty.  Find a good person who will listen to you & tell you that you are a good human being. 

Hello.  Here is my story.

I got Herpes in 1978.

I am 100% sure that EVERYONE who gets it feels the same way to start with for the following reasons:

1/ It's incurrable (at least until someone discovers a cure) so we're stuck with it.

2/ We got it because we had sex with someone who gave it to us.  (An STD makes us feel "dirty").

3/ It hurts, so it is not easy to forget about and we are constantly reminded of the fact that we have it.

4/ Because of the "STIGMA" attatched we find it difficult (if not impossible) to discuss with friends. (We would rather keep it secret)

5/ We feel angry at, and betrayed by the person who gave it to us and the world generally.

So............what can we do about all this crap that has fallen into our laps??

Here is what I do:

1/ FORGIVE the person who gave it to you.  Unforgiveness, anger and bad feelings will only hurt YOU, not them.

2/ DECIDE whether you want to LIVE your life to the FULL and OVERCOME this thing.......or let it drag you down into a pit of despair.

3/ PLAN to give yourself the best chance of living a NORMAL life.

4/ TAKE GOOD CARE of yourself, not only in body but in MIND also.

5/ RECOGNISE early symptoms and treat appropriately and quickly.

Here are a few things that affect me:

Drinking too much.

Lots of sunshine

Working too hard

Being tired and/or run down

Getting a cold

Not having a stimulating goal or event to "look forward to"

BUT BY FAR BIGGEST is STRESS.

Catch 22 here......you are stressed so your immune sytem is under pressure, then you get early symptoms which stresses you even more.

Usually a combination of things.

Very important to rest, eat properly, sleep enough, excersise, not drink too much etc.

OR......you can forget all of the above and just put up with it (it won't kill you) and get on with doing EVERYTHING in life that everyone else does.

In the end it's up to you to BEAT IT MENTALLY.

Once you do you will realise what a strong person you really are and even if it comes back it will not defeat you.

Hope this helps.

Don't give up and don't let it stop you doing anything.

Hugs

B x

Thank you everyone for all your comments, to be fair the last month and especially the last week has been hell with other things that having this disease had not even crossed my mind. 

I only really feel down about it when I have an outbreak and I am reminded of it. 

But reading all of your comments has given me positivity and I will try to keep positive, and also try to believe that I still can have a relationship. If someone loves you for you it shouldn't matter what you have, this disease doesn't change the person you are inside and out.. It just means being a little more careful. 

Thanks again everyone...  Be positive.... We only have one life... Live it.... Xx

Hi,

yes it's not easy to forgive!!

I have had to forgive many people in my life and (if I am honest with myself) I have done things for which I needed to be forgiven myself ........and still do .  It's a mental decision, not something that the heart does naturally but it will obey the mind if determined to do it.  Our instinct is to lash out which usually creates more problems.

Anyway, early symptoms for me are pre flu-like and I get tetchy, argumentative and angry with those around me.  Being male it's probably easier to observe the actual area of skin affected but usually by the time I look it's too late, although I guess what I am going to find.

I am not a lazy person and I like to achieve goals in my life, sometimes at the expense of my body i.e. I push myself physically.  This has the effect of keeping me fit and healthy (ironic). 

Unfortunately the downside is being tired and/or stressed which can leave me open to an attack of H.  No matter.....I have achieved my goal and can take time to recover before setting off on my next task .  I used to play rugby and was a sprinter so maybe I live my life like that also (sprint, rest, sprint, rest).

Maybe a more "plodding" life would leave me free of attacks but.....hey, that's not me.  

I see it as something trying to stop me doing what I can and am more determined not to let it (I love a challenge!!)

I have used Zovirax cream (really rub it in hard in spite of any pain) and sometimes I don't bother (it's expensive-£5 for a small tube).

I am living in Thailand now where medications are a lot cheaper and am looking for FAMVIR 250 mg to try (it's supposed to be the best....Google it).  This is an oral antivirus which is supposed to:

1/ Help the body fight an outbreak and heal quicker.

2/ Prevent outbreaks if taken daily.

3/ Curtail an outbreak if taken when early symptoms appear.

When I get some I'll let you know if it's any good !!

I won't take  it daily as I believe that would not be good to rely on it.......and I bet it's expensive.  Apparently you can only get it on prescription in the UK so go ask the doc for some.  I plan to use it early in or during an attack.

Finally, what about love???

We can only pass this on when the blisters have ruptured and the fluid and virus comes into contact with someone else’s’ skin.  When it is dormant we are not a danger and can have sex normally with no threat to our partner.  

This leads us into relationships and love........then comes the moment when you have an attack and have to choose whether to a/ refuse sex and explain why or b/ make love and infect your partner and keep your secret.  

This moment will come for you and I hope you find the right person who doesn’t dump you when you do the right thing (as I know you will J).

Another option is to isolate ourselves, feeling like lepers. (Another form of mental attack that it gives us) or we can just keep it secret, (carry on and give it to others) that's how I got it.

Anyway, short answer to your question;-Use Zovirax cream, take an oral antivirus, de-stress and wait for it to heal then do like Incy Wincy Spider J