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I have never written on any forums before, ever. I read them but tonight I actually feel the ned to seek some guidance and words of encouragement.
Today I opended up to a Gp who I have never even met before by saying " I am concerned that I cant seem to be able top open a bottle of wine, without finshening it". I am 33 years old and started drinking at the age of 13, more so than my friends. At the age of 18 I lost my 1st baby who was fully born and only surrvived a week. (I never drank during pregnacy at all) My drinking spiralled out of control and for 4 months I got wasted everyday, looking back this behaviour acutally kept me alive. It was only when I started uni I had a focus in my life and become in control again. Several years have passed, I think I have always had a problem with alcohol consumption, I have suffered anxiety for several years after not knowing whether I would ever be able to have children due to genectic conditions. I have since had a healthy boy who is now nearly turning 4 and I drink a bottle of wine at least 5 nites a week. On the other 2 nights I have a beer or gin. Some nights, even though only very occasional I can actually get through 1 and half bottles of wine. This concerns me massively. I wake up feeling abit rough but able to get upon time, get my little boy ready for daycare, and make it into work for 9. My drinking does not affect my work or role as being a mother, apart from the anxities one experiences when drinking as much as I do.
I have never woken up and thought about having a drink. I have had a glass off wine if out having a nice lunch at a restaurant. I am a self employed healthcare professional and sometimes, if working from home in the afternoon, I will pour myself a glass of wine.
I recognise I have a problem, I have tried to speak to my friends about this who basically just say, "have a detox for a week or so"...the most Ive managed in 6 days without. My family I think are fully aware of my alcholol dependancy but no body has ever really approached this with me.
I said to the doctor I need some help without feeling judged, or worried about the fact I am a single mum and my little boy is at risk. I love him so much, he is my daily medicine and I am an amazing mum and I need to sort this out.
My doctor was very kind and supportive and encoruaging. He has prescribed me 100mg thiamine to protect my brain any further for memory loss in years to come. I need to go and get a bllod test and then some liver tests. I am scared of what the results may be.
I am hopeful I can start some medication to help reduce the cravings to want to drink however I dont want to never be able to have a drink again. I dont beleive I am an alcoholic but I am fully aware that I am alcohol dependent. I just want to start gaining control and reducing my levels within the safe limits.
My dad is terminally ill and only 55 and I do not want to be in the same position in 20 years time. I want to support my son and see my grandchildren grow up. Sorry for the essay, I have never opened up before and that twice now in one day. Gp and now this. Maybe I am starting to accept things for what they are. If anybody can have the time or patience to assist me on the journey I am about to willingly follow, please do : )
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
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