Alcohol dependant partner

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I've been married to partner for 14 years. He left the military 11 years ago and has struggled to find a job he enjoys and pays well. He had quite a few knock backs and lost a lot of confidence and would have a few drinks to feel better. Gradually his behaviour became more selfish and irresponsible. Not coming home as he'd fall asleep somewhere drunk or he'd spend more money than we could afford on a night out.  He's wasted so many weekends sleeping off a hangover rather than spending time with his family. His moods when he's not drinking are awful.. Always looking for something to shout about and can say the meanest things.  I worry that I'm failing them by not protecting them more.  They deserve a loving father and it devastates me that he isn't that. I've tried to help him but he thinks there is nothing wrong. I miss the person he was but I feel no choice left but to leave. 

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    before you can do anything to help your situation, your husband must admit he has a problem, then hopefully both of you can sort something out, please dont think you are failing your children,they to need the father they had, i spent a lot of time saying there is nothing wrong with me, i to had very bad moods and got angry, that only made me drink more most of the time, i think i was angry with myself, i wish you so much luck for the future
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  • Posted

    Cheyl the obvious reply you are going to get is ,"He has PTSD",if he has he needs help.

    You in no way are at to blame but you and the children suffer his bouts of allcohol fueld madness.

    You will have to confront him about his behavior and the despair he his bringing on his family.

    Remember only your husband can address his drinking.

    May I wish you and your family good luck in this dire situation----Mike

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  • Posted

    Chez7, if you leave, or even if you SAY you are leaving, that may prompt him to consider what he is doing. It's normally when a person realises that they are beginning to lose the things that matter to them that they decide to take action. I think it's best if he has some warning of your intentions because that gives him chance to think about things. If you just walk out without warning, he is likely to just drink even more. Good luck! I hope he listens to you.
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  • Posted

    Tell your husband you will not help him cover up problems when his behaviors affect other parts of his life, Guidlines r online. For example, refuse to call his employer to report him sick if he is suffering from a hangover. Don't make excuses for him if he is late for appointments or commitments because he stops at bars or is drunk. Explain that he must handle those situations and the consequences himself. UR done TS his responsibility. 
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  • Posted

    hi chez   what Hope4cure makes a lot of sence, he has to face up to what he is doing, maybee then you can both work on the problem together  good luck 
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  • Posted

    only advice can give is do whats best for you and your children, the harsh reality is until your partner recongises the problem, nothing will change, Alcoholism is a illness and needs treating, I know as it took me a while, but now i'm in treatment myself. good luck
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