Alcohol has dragged me thru the muddy hell again

I did think of the people I talk to here...and my overwhelming need to rid myself of the things I was feeling and thinking overpowered me.

No one is more let down than me...as I have sat here for 3 days unable to barely move....cause I let alcohol steal any courage or fight I had...and crumbled to a ravaged ball of nothing.

I'm  grateful I have lived to tell again...like my son said...I can't say there won't be a next time...I can only hope, pray and work toward there not being a next time.

I am the same as you and completely lost it for about the last 5 days. I am all alone right now as my partner has went to scotland with our daughter. I cant eat and find it massively hard to to anything at all. I think in some ways i feel beyond help. I have lost everthing. Sorry, im not exactly helping you or anything, although i do hope your in a better place today. In someways the only help is to give it to others (which i know you do) and to speak to others who feel the same way. I am lost right now too, but i am here for you all.

hi vicky...as we know or as I know...if lectures or advice could fix a problem as big as this...these are the places to come too...but  the fix comes from inside...in my particular case..the fix comes with knowing coping skills.

I was pushed too far last Friday and felt desperate and I DID make a phone call prior to going to the liquor store and the person tried to reason...talk me down...help me...to no avail....I was on a mission to stop the internal chaos my body was feeling...KNOWING it would be worse later..but not caring in the moment..nor for the following days..until vomit became frequent (cause I don't eat when I drink)...and I knew it was stop or continue and die.

So..I stopped...once again.

Take care Missy! 

Lov and 🤗 hugs.

Misssy, maybe talk to your doc about having some Naltrexone on hand. I've read a number of posts on the TSM boards where people managed to abort a binge with it. If you could see your way clear to take it before your first drink, you might be surprised how much "NO" power it gives you. 

I know you think you'd be disinclined to take it, but at least you'd have the option. 

Glad you pulled through this one and I hope you're feeling much better soon!

Thanks ADEfree....I'm not sure..but I will think about it....There was no 2 hour window between deciding and drinking that Friday...it was immediate as I only had a certain window of time before I had to pick someone up and I was shaking so badly I couldn't think or drive until I got the alcohol down my throat....I had one and then picked up who I had to pick up and went to a hotel and finished myself off that night.

Right up the next morning to the first available store and drank myself to sleep on and off all the next day...then the next day my family called that the police were at my home for an unrelated matter...I drank a drink and drove home and continued to get wrecked for 3-4 more days...

Understood, Misssy. If you can't take the pill beforehand, ASAP is good and it will still strongly tend to curtail a binge and give your conscious control a chance to surface. After all, we're not talking full blown TSM here, rather crisis management.

With TSM, one knows (at 5pm, for instance) that they typically drink and can feel the craving coming, so they know to "raise shields" and prepare for the event. 

Phew girl.  Some going.  You must be a special soul  to survive this kind of battering - you have, without a doubt, Guardian Angels either side of  you.

Love you.

Gx.

Havent heard from you in a while and wondered how you have been for the last few days. Hopefully a lot better then me, things are still very very hard and weak. I do know how you feel though. 

sharon..have you stopped drinking yet? I am feeling much better today. I actually ate something I enjoyed for the first time in 5 days...I may have smiled once today too.....thank you for reaching out and how are you really doing?

hi gwen! I do...have guardian angels...and you guys are some of them!

i am still finding it hatd to do even small things...I have drank very little though as my body seems to be rejecting it and making me sick, . I ate a small piece of bread today thats the first thing i have been able to eat since sunday. I think im going through alcohol withdrawl and mentally in shock about everything thats happened. I feel as though they are gone forever and its too much to take in. I miss them all so much and it feels like my life is over. To make things better right now seems impossibe . I have to do thimgs to keep the house running on my own but right now i can barely make it upstairs. Sorry for being so down just being honest. 

Glad you were able to eat, thats bri;lliat thing and the smile no matter how small can only be ever good. I havent smiled in so long and i know you know how that feels. I take it you have stopped drinking or have slowed down a lot? 

Hang in there, Sharon! This is a path and you're finding out what does and doesn't work towards your goal, but I hear your commitment, whether or not you're feeling it at the moment. 

Its good that you have drank very little...its bad that you are throwing up bile still ;(....

I have not drank in 6 days at all...it took 5 days (just yesterday)...for me to be able to enjoy a meal...before that everything tasted disgusting..and way too salty...but oddly enough the only thing I could tolerate yesterday before my meal was Ramen Noodles (very salty chicken broth with noodles).

My head is clearing and all the anxiety is returning for the reasons I drank in the first place (this time)...it only made everything worse and set me back in any progress I was making in my mental health.

Keep cutting down and eventually you will get back to who you were before this week...I feel sorry for  anyone that suffers  like this....its the worst.

I started a new discussion earlier you maybe havent seen it but it was pretty much this. Still in a bad place but managed just in the last half hour to go out for 10 mins and eat a small bit of burger. Also spoke to my daughter on the phone but it was very hard for obvious reasons. Maybe a little bit stronger but not very much but i suppose its a start. The smallest things seem to take it all out of me... i think thats mentally and physically to be honest. I miss my family that much that it rips my soal apart. Its hard as you know. You have done well over the last few days so please keep it up as much a you can. And if anything give yourself a pat on the back instead of thinking when will this happen again... maybe we can both make it not happen. I know that if i dont my whole family is gone and i cant bear that. They are living right now in Scotland but we are still talking and if i sort things out here maybe i can get it back. My anxiety was massive too when i went out. I am worried about myself in the physical way and i am genuinely not sure what to do. No vomiting today tho at least. We both i think just need to take it slowly, i know at min thats all i can do. Its just hard with no one here but me. At least you guys on the forum are here and i cant tell you just what that has meant although i am sure you already know. If there is anything that might help the anxious feeling that you have today please try, even just a bath or go on to you tube, there are some good meditation videos. xxxx