Alcohol has officially ruined my life and my future for as far as I can see.

I'm almost 27 years old and have just recently gotten my 4th DUI. My drinking has been an issue for years. I even had to go into secret drinking. One of my problems is I can go for months and at least a year or so with out drinking. (Just went a whole year and a half) I just got married a little over a month ago. Husband bought me a brand new car, put me on his insurance (hadn't had a car or insurance since 2013) hadn't had the but a month i don't think. He worked his butt off for me to give me and my 2 kids a better life. I have a 10 month old girl with him, and an 8 year old boy from a previous relationship. After this last dui he kicked me out. He has our baby girl, won't let me come to the house. Haven't seen my daughter since the dui. I don't want to admit this but she was in the car ?? I would have never dreamed of doing anything like that sober. I have court court coming up soon. My son is with me for now and always has been (minus the couple of times I tried rehab.) He's always lived with me. He's been through so much bc of me and the alcohol. I feel terrible, ashamed, broken, horrible, embarrassed, if it can be felt I'm feeling it. Besides joy peace and happiness. My son will be going to live with his father in another state. That's hard enough on my son. I can't imagine how my baby girl feels. Mommy gas been there everyday of her life since she was born (minus the fee days i went on my honeymoon) and now I've been away for like 2 weeks. I'm so hurt and heart broken for myself and the kids and everyone else this has impacted. I can't believe I've let this happen. I was happy, my life was finally coming together like I've always dreamed of, I had a great man, a new home, a family , car, everything..and now it is all gone. My husband will probably divorce me. Idk what I'm going to be facing when I go to court but it's not going to be good. Hence the 4th dui. I may be going to jail or prison for a while. I'm so alone. Angry at myself. Angry st my husband for not supporting me. Lost without my babies. Scared of what the court is going to say. And royally upset that after many many years, plans, and dreams I was finally where I wanted to be in life and in a matter of a short time it was all ripped away bc I done something stupid. I can't breathe, think or function. Sadness, thoughts, and grief have taken over. It's so hard to think and be positive when I don't know what's going to happen, but knowing it ain't gunna be good. Knowing I doubt see my baby girl grow up, I'll probably miss her 1st bday and alot of her other 1st. And my son I don't know what's going to happen for him in his life. I just want to take it all away. Wish it never happened. Alcohol is the devil and I've let it take away everything good in my life! I need prayers, and support. I don't want to spend years behind bars, I want to go to rehab and get the counselling and help that I want and need. Just when I got comfortable and thought I was ok, I proved myself wrong and ruined everything and broke my family apart. I can barely deal with this. My nerves are shot. ??😭😡😢??😭😭

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