Alcohol update on partner

Hi there I hope I can try and elp you herer. You soundlike your having a hard time yourself and bless you for not turning to any daft measures yourself.

First, I totally understand where you are coming from . he is neglecting you, and it must seem like He saying\"Ilove this more than I love you\". it must seem that way to you and that must hurt incredibly.

What i want to say though ...andpls dont stop....his behaviour isnt intentional-its hard to control and break the loop once youve been takin in. [b:4c04c4ca7e]IT IS AN ILLNESS[/b:4c04c4ca7e] Your partner probably has other nderlying issues not to do with you relationship but with something else.

In order ( but only if you want to) to stay together, you need to hold each others hand-and if hes had a drink-dont get on at him -if you get on at him, hell only feeleven more unworthy, more alone, more needy for a drink, just find another interest. I say just ( I do understand how difficult it is) .

My dad was a drinker, and I am now hooked and its a hrorible place to be. its not so much that you want to do it-its more you fel you ned to do it and then that makes you more physically dependant.(Im told im not physically dependant) but I actaully think I am.

Your partner possibly heas underlying mental issues that need to be addressed. the ony way to get him to stop drinking is once these are sorted, otherwise the cycle will carry on.

Im getting help at the moment-but I feel like the underlying issues arent being sorted and it is cyclical and believe me ive the biggest motives for getting off the stuff ( and I still cant) and that possibly makes me worse!

Fisrt you have to get him to admit he has a problem. To do this , you probably will have to give him an ultimatum( we know what men are like!) Secondly, youll need to do it in away that sheds a positive light on things. for instance, if you do this ...we could get some money together an go on a romantic holiday//(not that that worked for me...theres about only 2 things that could work for me now-and neither of these taste like sherbet!

Even though alcohol is not illegal-its a dryg just are opiates, just ared benzos and the rest. Out off all drugs its easily accessible, its easy to obtain, and its probably more addicitive than smack...so be forgiving. Its not ALL his fault. and try not get on at him...try and support him....maybe do the french things, give him a small few ee glasses at night........dant make it forbidde, otherwise he might just run out to the shops and buy 10 bottles and slug them in a park somewhere. I know it cant be easy for you0in fact it must be really really hard, But i hope Ive helped. Good luck and all the best.

Hiya, Interesting reading your post Angela,

My ex husband was a drink, we were together for 7 years. He hid drink, he tried giving up to the point where we argued about him not drinking, he was desperate for one, I was desperate for him to not have one. He would become abusive nightly. If anything annoyed him during the day, he would turn into a monster at night.

Silly excuses to drink, every excuse he could think of 'hard day' 'feeling down' 'just one drink' 'only 4 cans at 2%' 'its friday' 'its the weekend' 'Im not an alcoholic' 'I know when to stop' 'I dont drink during the day' blah blah blah, the list is endless.

I was living with Jekyl & Hyde, Mr Nice guy sober, a complete a$$ when he was drunk. Hated it with a passion. anyways didnt work, we split about 4 years ago, I can finally breathe again, Re-married now, its so nice to know Christmas is coming and its not going to be messed up by drink.

He still drinks and controls his new young wife, her problem now, not mine. My mum and dad are both heavy drinkers, I'm not around them when they drink, I cant stand it.

Alcoholism is an illness, but I also see it as a way out for wimps, cant confront the real problems that are causing them, you cant rely on a drinker. The only good thing is Angela is that your son probably wont take up drinking after seeing the trouble it causes. Having a drinker in the home is like having a demolition ball slamming into your home.

He has to want to give it up, but its never going to be easy for you.

Good Luck.

It doesn't get any easier. I live with an alco who gve it up for 16 months to the day then started again. Today he fell in Asda , blind drunk even-though I'd been with him all day and didn't see a drop touch his lips. Its hidden in different places over the home. I have never been so embarrassed apart from the time he wanted to urinate in a hospital corridor! Don't these drunks know what they are doing to themselves and their family? My sons hate him and i am soo ashamed of him. OK call it an illness, so why isn't there a cure? He has had lots of help in the past but nothing seems to get to the root of the problem which I believe happened in childhood. The effects of his drinking means that he acts like he has dementia due to loss of brain cells. We said till death till us part but this is soo hard and there seems to be no help for us who have to live with it. Doctors just say leave him and get divorced- is that the only answer and how does a retired housewife do that?

HELP !