Alcoholic mother - unsure what to do anymore

Posted , 12 users are following.

I’ll try and keep it short but I’m 20 years old, have been trying to deal with my alcoholic mum since I was about 9. She recently had an affair so my dad had to get a divorce, he’s always tried to help her with alcohol but she’s always refused help. So I’m currently living with her as I have no where else to go - since my dad is temporarily staying with my sister in her tiny house.  It’s been about a year since my dad left , and my mum is out of control, she’s lost multiple jobs. She stays in bed all day drinking vodka, as soon as she wakes up , she drinks again and I can’t get her to see sense.   I feel like I’m trying to figure out what I want to do in life since I’m so lost and at the same time I am dealing with this and I get so angry at her because I feel like I’m losing the best years of my life. I also have to take care of her dog since she’s asleep most of the time , and I’m finding it difficult as I work full time and doing exams and trying to walk her and stay in all weekend so the dog isn’t all alone. I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with an alcoholic when you’re on your own. 

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  • Posted

    Go to your dad's even if you need to get a sofabed speaking from experience I lost my daughter to her grandparents when she was 8 but we have a strong bond now alcohol is evil but once it's got control logic hoes out window

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  • Posted

    On dear! Tough life for you at twenty and a constant struggle. Extremely hard since she does want to stop. Any body else who can help, e.g aunt or uncle or your dad? Your dad is obviously not very inclined to help. Are you actually interested in drinking o r perhaps not considering your situation?
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    • Posted

      I never drink actually. Not because of what’s happened but I can’t seem to enjoy the taste haha. I went out a handful of times when I was 18 but couldn’t deal with the hangovers and wasting my money on drinks I didn’t enjoy and for a night I couldn’t really remember !! 
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  • Posted

    Oh honey, I'm so sorry i feel your pain. I guess as i drink i worry how it affects my kids i don't drink through the day so I'm try to get help before i need to. Please but The Cure for Alcoholism by Roy Eskapa, there is hope for your mum, and I. X

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    • Posted

      I think everyone reacts differently to parents drinking alcohol. For example my sister has terrible anxiety around alcohol in general but my brother on the other hand goes out and enjoys a few beers and it doesn’t bother him. They’ve had the exact same experience and are actually twins! Wish you all the best for eh future. I’ll  have a look on amazon now smile x
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  • Posted

    I grew up just like you and I left home at 17 to get away from it.I became an alcoholic my self.All I can say is get out of there if you can
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  • Posted

    Hello Emily

    Firstly well done for being so brave and sharing your experiences with us.  It sounds like your in an extremely difficult situation and you’re very young to be having to manage all of this. As your dad has moved out and is fully aware of the impact that your mums drinking has on those close to her, would he be willing to help you? Could you stay with him and your sister until you and your dad could find a bigger place? Maybe talk to him about this. It may sound selfish but your best bet is to focus on you. It doesn’t mean you care any less about your mum, but like you say if you spend the majority of your time caring for her, your needs are forgotten. She will only access help when/if she wants to stop drinking, until then she will continue, and when u see the influence she is not likely to take on board what you are telling her. Build a happier and more stable environment with those that understand what you are going through like you dad and sister, focus on your interests and hobbies, and care for you mum from a distance. Easier said then done but a small start can bring about a huge change eventually. Thinking of you and hope things improve xxx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply. I try to put myself first but I find myself feeling really guilty a lot the tine. But I can’t be on hold forever , life’s too short !! Thank you xx
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  • Posted

    Hi Emily, your mother sounds just like me. My two daughters were my victims of my alcoholic abuse from the age of 6/7. I was a "victim of a victim" by which I mean my own mother witnessed physical abuse with her mother/father. By natural progression, she physically and mentally abused me and my sister, tortuously. I cannot repeat the abuse as it was so horrific, but I would say definitively, not sexual. Therein lies your mother's problem. Something, someone, has traumatised your mother to the extent, like me, she sees nothing and nobody except pain, hurt, humiliation and lack of any kindness or love.

    Now, it took me until I was 65 yrs old. My kids were exhausted, I was exhausted and nothing mattered any more. My mother died at 95, and I rejoiced. I went to my doctor only then, I said the witch was dead at last, and she immediately sent me to a Councillor. I went for 6 months, and found that I could not remove the lost 65 yrs of abuse, but she did remove her from my brain which helped regain so much love and laughter with my two daughters.

    Emily, try to get to the bottom of your mother's anguish, why she hates herself? What makes her drink? Triggers ?Make an appointment with your doctor and explain everything YOU are going through. You definitely need help and advice, but more so, does your mother, beforshe kills herself with booze.

    My heart and soul goes out to you my lovely, it must be traumatic to know what to do next. Feel free to contact me if you get desperate.

    Love and a huge hug 💕👄💕

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    • Posted

      Hi Patricia 

      what a lovely, helpful and very sincere reply. Must have taken a lot to write that with such genuine feeling.

      So glad you have the unconditional love of your two daughters. My kids never gave up on me. Yes I hurt them, disappointed them, but they were always there.

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for this reply. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one struggling - I don’t really like to tell anyone about This. It’s nice to hear from your perspective too to give me some understanding too - I try to remind myself on a daily basis that this is a disease but i find myself getting frustrated when she’s had a litre of vodka before 10AM when I’m at work? I will Let her know that I’m all ears if she needs to talk about whatever pain she is trying to numb. Thank you so much your reply has really given me some help and hope! Xxx
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