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Hi everyone my name is Trevor and i'm 21 years of age and i'm from Fiji , i just joined and i'm glad i found this site which allows me to share what i'm going through and what i went through where i cant share with my parents or with anyone for that matter .
i was molested when i was 10 years old by a family friend and i grew up having to hide my sexuality from parents and with fijian family its a must to uphold and keep our family's reputation and the day i started acting feminine my parents was the daymy parents started beating me up at an early age at times i bleed or have a bursted lip and i blamed god for it, becuase my family was religious i faked my belief in god and never in my life they tried asking me why? or are you ok? or how come your acting feminine? so from then on i hid my molestation from parents .
When i was 17 i got really drunk and told them about me being molested for i could have that bottled up in my heart and mind but things never changed , when i turned 20 everything started to change mentally and emotionally .I started with waking up in the morning with my head numb and my emotions where i cant identify or tell if i'm either happy or sad which is called alexithymia when i had researhed . my mother is the only one that makes me angry and at one point i almost killed myself .
I also hide my feelings of affection espeacially in wanting a relationship with a guy and also having to surpress that do you think its affecting my health ? what do i do ? or is it my parents not understanding me ? i just dont why i'm like this escpecially when i'm trying to feel and i just cant feel anything
i cant get help here but i need advice or someone that feels the same way as i do .PLEASE HELP
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