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I'll try and make this as short as possible. Basically, I have suffered with extreme low self worth since I was a small child. This has lead me to become severely depressed and always anxious. I literally hate myself. I have never liked myself and compare myself to everyone else all the time. These comparisons rule my life. As a result, I have never achieved anything substantial, I have no career, failed relationships and strained connections with my parents. I am simply unable to love myself. I have 2 children from a failed relationship and I take care of them completely by myself as their father is not interested in helping. I am currently allowing myself to be used by my ex partnee who broke up with me because he doesn't want the pressure of helping me with my kids. How the hell am I doing this? What kind of mother still sees someone who wants nothing to do with her children? What does this make me? I have no friends, my mother uses me for money and makes me feel guilty if I say I can't afford to help her. My dad has a go at me several times a day for any reason he can think off. I simply get everything wrong. I love my children more than anything, I really really do. But I'm scared that the way I am is going to rub off on them. I am petrified they will become like me, worthless and unloved. I'm seriously contemplating suicide as I feel this is the only answer and my children would be better off raised by a confident and successful set of parents. I hate myself for thinking this way but the thoughts are getting louder and louder. It's really scaring me. I take diazepam, temazepam, propranolol, tramadol anything to try and numb this feeling. Nothing is working. If anyone has experienced what I'm going through then please say something. Thanks.
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