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Almost finished!

Posted , 6 users are following.

klaregee
klaregee

I was diagnosed with fibro 9 years ago. Since then I built up a career and raised a daughter, now 14, as a single parent. I was very active, doing muay Thai, boxing, cycling and was in a local swim team until sept last year when I fell over an exposed drain cover. I struggled on till Jan this yr, receiving disciplinary action at work due to forgetfulness etc. (Sure I don't need to go thru the list, ur all living it!!) and started missing mortgage payments etc.

The stress off worrying about my work performance and losing my home led to a mini breakdown and I was diagnosed with anxiety. Meds have been changed regularly, I was reffered to a pain clinic who decided I should be taken off pregablin as they thotbit may be causing my confusion. Now I'm being told to take cocodomol sparingly and being prescribed 50 at a time, which I need to eke out all week. Hard to do when ur housebound and in agony!!

Today was the closest I've came to giving up, had 20 cocos

2 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • klaregee
    klaregee

    Posted

    Ready to go but only took 10 then came to my senses!! Feel like my doc etc. Have given up on me and don't want to live the next 50+ yes like this. I'm 33 and feel 93, if it wasn't for my daughter I would be gone. Don't know what to do next, waiting on my Dr calling me back cos I just can't go on like this!!!
    • charlotte1824
      charlotte1824 klaregee

      Posted

      Poor you, I'm really sorry ur having such a hard time.

      I know the future seems bleak but it will be bleaker for your daughter if you do that.

      Have you tried cymbalta? It's an antidepressant as well as pain relieving qualities. What about Wellbutrin? Another anti d with pain relieving qualities. There are many medicines to try. A lot with some side effects but some people get on well with certain drugs and others don't. I tried lyrica, gabapentin and hated them. Others I tried didn't have much effect but I still haven't tried them all. Also there are herbal things you could try and holistic things, nutritional things. I'm not saying they work for everyone but some people find relief. The point is u can't give up if you haven't tried everything yet. There also lidocaine patches for twhich work for some people, they didn't work for me but I didn't try them long and I only tried on my neck.

      Can u get your Drs help to apply for ppi?

      Just hang in there, things will get better, u just need to find the right combo for you.

      Lots of people so hydrotherapy helps them, perhaps the Dr could set you up with that?

      Big hugs x

    • klaregee
      klaregee charlotte1824

      Posted

      Hi Charlotte,

      I've tried various types of massage (Thai,aromatherapy,hydrotherapy) but they leave me in agony.

      I've been on citrolopram and some other anti D, can never remember the name. Also been on tramadol, gabapentine, amatryptaline, pregablin, currently on prozac and codeine. The codeine makes my IBS so bad that I need to take loperamide and omezaprole to settle my stomach. The pain clinic took me off pregablin as they made me confused and gave me 4 treatments of acupuncture. This helped a little, as does reflexology but the NHS has nothing else to offer and I can't afford to pay it myself.

      I've also been told I have arthritis in my hands and have ongoing problems with my knees. Drs advice was move to a warm country cos these things come with age...I'm 33!!!

      I have done physio for yrs as I had a lot of injuries while fighting, patella tendons, metatarsals etc.and am trying the pacing method at the moment. This is a sloooow process and is just adding to my frustration.

      I've started punching walls, my own face, smashing mirrors etc. and its just uncontrollable frustration. End up feeling like a complete idiot afterwards and hate myself for it.

      Seems endless but dying to stay positive. Thank you for all ur suggestions, disgusted with myself that I even considered it, not my style at all!! Im a fighter with no fight left, feel used up and finished.

      Trying to accept I may not be the same me but I'm still a person, just feel like I've got nothing to offer! I'm sure everyone gets down like this, I'm usually such a positive person believe it or not lol.

      Thanks again for ur reply, I've rambled on but just feel like I can't tell my family these things cos they will just worry themselves sick, guilt trip I don't need lol.

      Claire xx

    • charlotte1824
      charlotte1824 klaregee

      Posted

      Hi Claire,

      I do understand totally how you feel but it's not the answer. I wish I could offer some sort of helpful information that u haven't tried.

      What about LDN, I don't know a lot about it but some people on this forum have tried it.

      Codeine which was all I ended up on I just realised was giving me worse pains, I'd take it and the next day I'd get more pain from not taking it as I was trying to do as much as possible without meds. Do u think you could be in a withdrawal cycle from any of the meds u were on which are effecting how your thinking and your pain levels??

      Where in UK do u live? The pain Dr I saw here was the first decent in my opinion anyway Dr I have seen in six years. He didn't have anymore answers as such BUT he was supportive, nice, willing to let me try things he didn't think would work and admitted when he didn't knew something. Basically he was a human being and not some arrogant moron that thought he knew it all. Move to hotter climbates isn't a helpful comment to you.

      Does warm baths help? Does cold help, perhaps tonight write a list of all the things that do help pain slightly, sometimes it's easy to forget with the cognitive issues of tools that have helped in the past, if u have them all to hand it might make u feel a bit more in control.

      Has all your vitamin levels been checked? Do you have the all over body pain or is it more in one place? Thyroid checked?

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 charlotte1824

      Posted

      Hi Klaregee;  Charlottes suggestions re writing down what  helps/doesn't help is a very good start.........I do understand how you are feeling Klaregee, as it has happened to me (and others too), when we get to the stage of "where do I turn from nere?"......and you, of course, are naturally feeling very down, due to your age, and yes, I, too, have the feelings of What do I do? How do I continue like I am/in this body?????    I had a Very (what I call) remindful episode the other day, as I have fought the need to start using a Walking Stick in Public, but got the fright of my life, when I lost my balance on an esculator (my son and grand-daughter had taken me out to do a couple of jobs), and were a few steps ahead of me on the esculator, and Why, I don't know, but have done this same thing a Million times before, tried to take another step up to get closer to them, and lost my balance and Nearly fell down the whole exculator.......just can only imagine where I would be today, if I had ( and it had to be "someone" who stopped me falling, as I Don't know how I didn't.......I guess my message is,  keep trialling, and find as Many sites/helpful people with new ideas, to Get you there......when trialling new meds/treatments, I have found that we need to give them a Decent Period for them to Get into our system, and to see if they work??    I know that there have been times when I "think", "these arn't helping at all"......and yes the one that I Did stop was Cymbalta, as it made me Cry All the Time, so after giving it a couple of trials, have stopped.....but others, like the Amitriptylline, I started again, and found that they are My Saving Grace..........I do really think, that the fact that you have been trying to continue working (and yes, I understand that finances are always an issue/necessity), but it amazes me how anyone with this condition, Can Work?......I would love to have even  a Part-time job, doing a few hours a week, spread over the week, but know that I am TOO unreliable.....I have even undertaken further "light courses (A Diploma and a Certificate1V), but these have proved useless, as I still could not Guarantee to be able to work, when the Employer wants me..............but you can be the full-time mother for your daughter, who Really does Need you, as she is at her Most vunerable age.

      ​Have you Ever been seen by a Rhuematologist (and a Good one at that).....this is where I get ALL of my help from, regarding treatments etc....even the referral for Pain Clinic etc?...........I am thinking of you, and will be waiting to hear more from you, as I know that this Forum will get you through............Bron

  • Bee70
    Bee70 klaregee

    Posted

    Wow, poor you. That's tough going, but be proud of yourself with having raised your daughter single-handed.

    Please don't give up.  Have you tried or considered CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)?

    As you know stress is not good for us, and the support you will find on this forum will help you get through this. People on this forum are fantastic, all share their experiences and support with each other.

    We need to pace our days and deal with one day at a time and also to stay positive.

    We are all here for you, big gentle hugs from me to you. Take care wink x

    • klaregee
      klaregee Bee70

      Posted

      Hi Bee,

      The physio has started me on pacing exercises but it is frustrating the life out of me!! Old me was a go getter, wanted everything done yesterday.

      Ive been denied benefits as apparently I was able to work all these yrs so what's changed? Mentioned my fall and they said I shoulda sued council cos theirs no proof I fell!!! Xrays showed hairline fracture to my right knee and i suffer Osgood Schlatters also but the benefits ppl say im lying! My sick pay doesn't cover my mortgage so my parents and my partner are paying it. This makes me feel totally dependant on them. I have appealed my PIP decision and it is at tribunal stage. If I'm not awarded this then i lose my home and moving back with my parents, who I love dearly but I don't want to lose even more independance and I would have to give up my 2 precious pet cats as they have a dogsadsad

      Big believer in Karma so always tried to be a good, kind, loyal person but I must have been a nasty piece of work in a former life lol.

      It sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself but genuinely struggling to see a way out!

      As u say tho, one day at a time and I'm trying to keep smiling. So much easier to know I'm talking/posting to ppl going thru the same things, ppl tht understand and don't think just cos u look fine u must be 'at it'

      Thanks for ur support, it really does helpsmile

      Claire xx

    • Bee70
      Bee70 klaregee

      Posted

      Hi Claire

      Yes, I know it's frustrating when life is against you and it's not fair. Follow your karma and positive nature and sharing with us all with ease the burden.

      Many people on this forum have not been successful with their claims but there are also one or two people that have been successful after fighting a long battle. Life is a challenge and it's how we tackle them and get the results we want, now that is even much more challenging for us with Fibro. Things do work out eventually even thou it may seem like forever.

      One day and moment at a time. Gentle hugs wink x

  • kaz_40
    kaz_40 klaregee

    Posted

    Hi Klaregee Firstly bringing up a child on your own isnt easy, working worrying about bills trying to keep a roof over your head, I know all of that only too well been their got the t shirt. I know it hard but you have to keep going for your daughters sake. Their has been many a time I have come close to it my self, so I do understand how your feeling where your coming from. I hope you have agood gp and 1 that you can talk too and who will sit listen. she will try you on different tablets until the right one is found for you. she can also refer you to a pain clinic for cbt, where I live we get free acupuncture for 12 weeks and we can also have hydrotherapy for so many weeks at our local hospital..see if your area has a support group that you can go to. You need as much help support as you can get my gp arranged for ocupational health to come out and assess me for aids to help me.Im not able to take tablets as Im alergic to opoids. so I rely on hot water bottles wheat bags to help with my pain relief. stress worry makes our condition worse. have you thought about applying for pip, cab would help advise you on it. we all have to learn to pace ourselves umm still learning that one, fibro is alearning curve for us all with all that it throws at us, we all are having to adjust to how our lives are now, not what they use to be. all any of us can do is take 1 day at a time get through that day as best we can. find ways of trying to keep your mind off the pain and fibro. by watching tv reading a book drawering with your daughter listening to music.etc. warm baths may help you its trial error on everything with fibro. weve all been through it finding what works for us and what doesnt. fibro affects each every one of us differently on the severity of it. Focus on your daughter to help you through it she needs her mum. By bringing her up on your own, you are stronger than you may think. you have us on here for support. we are all in the same boat togeather.so dont ever feel your alone as your not. we all support each other finding this forum was a god send for me. the ladies on here are great. take care big big hug coming to you x kaz
  • christine26761
    christine26761 klaregee

    Posted

    Poor you large eve, really feeling for  you..I was able to hold a career and bring up 3 girls (with much help from hubby) too in my earlier yrs..first 10 years, then something happened to my health and voila on came Fibro fiercely...I have had Fibro 30yrs 20 diagnosed....it's very very hard to ever imagine but it dies get better, well mine did...I just get bad flare ups now..it's gone into like a remission and only flares up...being stressless is a great key for living with this Fibro, but it's sooooo hard in the first 10 years for me...hope things improve for you really soon. Be blessed klaregee, have a lovely day..and remember you might not be able to do many of the things you used to but you are still the same person always.only.with limits...
  • klaregee
    klaregee

    Posted

    Thank you all for the support, I'm in Glasgow do schools went back yesterday, think the running about gtn everything ready on wed really took it out of me!! I've woken up today with a head cold, think this is what helped drag me down too.

    I had physio again on Tues and the pain clinic has cut my pregablin, think I just had a wobble yesterday as I was exhausted and this dang cold was coming on...too many things going on at one time and let it get on top of me.

    Today is a better daysmile Woke up not feeling too great but relieved that the crushing despair has lifted today.

    I still feel really silly blurting all this out online, I'm not used to forums etc. but it has been a good help so far, thank you all again for ur supportsmile What dosnt kill us makes us stronger and all that!!

    "If you want to feel rich, just count all gifts you have that money can't buy" -

    My daughter! Top 2% in all her classes and has her eye on an archeology and social anthropology course at Edinburgh uni, 14 going on 40 lol. Don't know where I got her from but I thank my lucky stars everyday! She can be selfish, lazy and cheeky like most teenagers but wouldn't have her any other way.

    My family! They dont always get what I'm going thru but the are always willing to try to understand and help if they can.

    My man! He's been great, had a lot of up n downs but really pulled it together for us this past few months when things have looked there bleakest.

    All you lot for your supportsmilesmile

    Hope ur all having a good day today, gentle hugs xx

    • charlotte1824
      charlotte1824 klaregee

      Posted

      I'm glad your feeling a bit better today. It might be down to coming off the pregablin as well, I think these pills do effects us without realising when we come of them. Even ones I've not been in long have had some side effects when I've come off them.

      Don't feel embarrassed as everyone on here knows and understands what your going through. Good luck with your appeal for ppi, I hope u get it.

      Your obviously a great mum and I hope your daughter understands what your going through and how much your trying.

      Take care x

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 klaregee

      Posted

      So pleased to hear your feeling much better, we can all have down days where things get on top of us. copeing with fibro is bad enough with out anything else on top. your daughter sounds a bright girl with her head screwed on with what she wants to do. good for her bless her.Hope you have a lovely weekend take care gentle hugssmile
    • christine26761
      christine26761 klaregee

      Posted

      Go girl.your blog.sounds great, very encouraging ..well done you...I always say that too..what doesn't break us makes us..be blessed..have a lovely day..:-) xx
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