Am done...

Posted , 12 users are following.

Hi Ladies, hope you're all doing well. Well, his cranky Ol lady is ranting again lol...don't feel as though I'm in a good spot at the mo, I feel done, I feel empty, I feel nothing, I feel marriage seems devoid of warmth n closeness, hubby has had enough, not enough sex for him & cuddles just don't do it, I enjoy cuddles they somehow make me feel safe n give me comfort but since he says he's not a 'teddy bear'....there's little physical connection & I just feel empty n broken. It's like all these menopausal upheavals have done me in & destroyed my soul, am I really horrible for feeling ok or even better, more settled on my own without hubby where there's no pressure or expectation about/wanting closeness n sex? don't know the outcome of my marriage, or even me & recently discovering being asexual with a hubby who is the complete opposite...what do I do, just give up? discovering this now explains a lot of problems I've had. Sorry ladies, I'm such a bag of misery...this probably isn't a very appropriate 'menopausal' post. I wish I could feel well n normal everyday, not in a repeatitive cycle of days some good some bad with emotions that resemble a tsunami ūüė≠ ¬†

Take Care  

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  • Posted

    Hello...I have not been on for awhile but read your is so hard sometimes you do feel very depleted and lost. I have times where I am full of life and then crawling in a hole like a scared mouse. I envy people who are full of life and travel and go out and celebrate life. I know this person is inside me but sometimes I just feel so scared and anxious I can't see it. One thing that has helped me is that this journey is common in many women and that it is all part of moving forward. What I try to do is find something that makes me feel good like "family time" watching a good movie or preparing a nice dinner. Also trying "new" things. For example I have never gardened before and I created a small garden of some herbs and veggies - I also found a show on TV to follow and/or a book. When I think of being down or in this menopausal dump I tell myself "STOP" and move your mind...I have done enough that truly when I say those words my mind shifts and I move forward. The lack of cuddling and sex for me is because you just get so bummed out feeling anxious and hot flashes and uncertanity so you get grumpy. I have let go of it and just dive in! Have great sex and you will realize it is release that women need just as much as men! LOL!!! This is just a transition and it will pass there is a light at the end of the tunnel ..I promise!! My mom said to me ..yes you will feel doomed ..mortality will sit clear in your face ..and you will get thru it and when you do you will embrace what you have ..what you are and there will be a balance again. Find some new things to try even if it is something minor like trying new recepies every Wednesday or planning a movie night or meeting with friends that make you laugh out loud...good luck to you..hang in there ...we got this!
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  • Posted

    I don't have advice, but I would give you a hug.  It is tough being a woman for sure. You have to find what brings you joy and passion for your life and follow it!
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  • Posted

    Hi Bobbins,

    First thanks always for your honesty. I mean, it's real. This aint easy!

    I am single now, and I am so thankful for that. I always think, what could I possibly give another person now? I love that I can go home from my work and just be alone, watch TV, eat a little. Rest and rest and rest, and have no demands on me. So I totally empathize with your feelings.

    I do realize how important projects and the idea of potential has always been in my mind. The feeling of satisfaction at finishing a project (not always wisely started!) and the feeling of excitement at the beginning of one was so much part of my life. And now, although I do have a few to finish up (and which I have committed to finishing up), I realize I can't start any new ones. My project can only be my health. Otherwise the stress involved with send me into depression.

    I guess time will tell whether your marriage will survive or not. I am thinking that your husband is not taking too seriously the 'in sickness or in health' part of the marriage vows. So it up to him, too. He's failing you too. Mind you, if I had a penis, with its incessant demands, I might feel differently. My friends, a couple, with the wife going through menopause, haven't had sex in two years. He says he wishes he didn't have sexual impulses to deal with, but he deals with them by himself. They manage. And I didn't have sex with my partner for two years, during peri, prior to our breakup. But I am glad we broke up, we weren't compatible.

    OH Bobbins. Sorry you are having a bad day.

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  • Posted

    So sorry you are going through this now. But I have to say it still sounds like menopausal changes to me, fwiw. Think I'll send a private note -- and thank you here for posting. L.
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  • Posted

    Morning Bobbins, how your post brought out if im honest a similar pattern in my marriage, Yes one needs a very sympathetic. patient and understanding husband at this stage. This is very appropiate for the menapause section and many ladies although they prefer not to say are feeling the same and yes it can be a lonley place to be in. Like you would love a cuddle but a sexually deprived man will be hopefull of leading to other things which makes us withdraw even from an occasional cuddle because we know it will end up with painfull sex. Yes there are things one can buy and use to help lubricate things in that area but it doenst give back the desire and make one feel normal does it.  I have said before on hear that my hubby said this is no marriage adding guilt to my already low self esteem and suffering physically as well not just with post menapausal but M.E. too.

    Im glad you did type out your thoughts and feelings on hear, if you cant do that then where else can you. Me and hubby have ended up with seperate bedrooms now, partly becuase we were both waking each other up going to the loo and creaky floors on the journey.  I think mine is still hoping ill suddenly find myself feeling sexy and wonder into his room, he has hinted come in for a cuddle but we all know it wouldnt stay as that dont we.

    Take care yourself dont forget we are all hear to help, and we do  understand.

    Sue x


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  • Posted

    Oh bless ya bobbins 

    i went through all of this .. 

    Times i didnt even want my other half near me ..

    i am post meno now ( nearly 2 years) no HRT 

    and now i am feeling really good.

    its does  get better hun.. It did for me 

    it took a while and i had a ten year peri .. From age 39

    i am 51 now ..

    i also had Vit D deficiency which i didnt know until i had the test in May and B12 was low aswell, i have weekly injections of Optivite B12,  now i have them supplemented B12 and Vit D and have also been taking very low dose Escitalopram ( the newer Citalopram) since May i feel great,

    getting my life back, out  everyday, driving everywhere and enjoying life again. 

    My energy levela are up - i also take chelated magnesium as vit D supplements can deplete our magnesium levels and my mega B 100mg B' vits containing 100mg of B's 

    google low dose antidepressant the HRT alternative .

    mine is not a depressed dosage, i was desperate as i was having 20 plus severe hot flushes a day and my body was exhausted and wow its changed my life completely 

    jay x 


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  • Posted

    Good Morning sad to read your message on here my dear. I certainly can relate to much of it. Fortunately I have a very understanding husband who has been very supportive of my hormonal changes. Honestly, I have read some of the posts on here (not this particular one) but others just so he can see that other women suffer as well. Things went wacky with my periods when I turned 51. I was in the hospital 6 months later with diverticulitis and after I came out, I literally felt like my body went through a major change. I took a lot of advice on here and started taking vitamin supplements. Now, it didn't help right away but here I am 1 year later and I feel so much better this summer then I did last summer where I suffered with dizziness, anxiety attacks, fatigue etc. I feel like I have control back and I've educated myself on menopause which really helped because it put aside the fears that I was dying lol. My sex drive is improving but we still don't have it much but not because of just me. My man works an opposite shift so we don't see each other all week and weekends he is exhausted. I still get my period..blah..can't wait for that to stop. I will be 53 soon so I'm hoping it will end soon.  Hang in there Bobbins...have you tried taking vitamin supplements? I take vit D3, vit E, a magnesium zinc calcium combo plus centrum silver. My eyebrows have even grown thicker (I was losing them) and I feel less stressed. Have gained a lot of weight though lol so feel sluggish from that. We need to take control of this and we can. We are not dying...we are going through a natural change. It will end at some point, we just need to remind ourselves that. Try not to be too discouraged. Maybe take your hubby on a gyno visit with you and have the doc explain the changes you are going through...God bless and take care!
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  • Posted

    HI Bobbins

    Please don't give up this is what menopause has done to me at times I just don't feel like holding my boyfriend or having him cuddle up to me. At times i feel like sleeping in another room on the futon to get my space. 

    Talk to your husband help him to understand that you love him and that the menopause affects your moods at times ask him to ask you if you want to be held and if your are not having symptoms then you should hold him and tell him you love him

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  • Posted

    Just wanted to say how brave you are for being so frank and open. I'm so so sorry that you are feeling so low and 'empty'. I don't wan't to say that I've been through this, but I have had simular feelings-I know how down, desperate, and lonely you can feel at times. I hope you see light at the end of the tunnel with the help of your husband and your marriage gets back to what it was before the evil 'menopausal upheavals'.

    Take care and hang on in there smile x

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