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Am I a bad mom?

Posted , 4 users are following.

erika90744
erika90744

ill be honest cuz i feel like i have a lot on my chest. i never wanted to be a mom in my life ever, but I was raised as a christian and when i found i was pregnant i knew i couldnt abort due to my religious beliefs. Even though i had a baby out of wed lock.

Anyways fast forward three years my daughter has been diagnosed with autism. Its been a big blow but i knew she had something wrong with her due to her meltdowns she can have one that last 3 hours, she avoided eye contact and was non verbal. Altough she is talking a bit now shes not there yet.

i love her but my problem is i get so frustrated with her. i thought getting her pets would help with her being so needy but nope i got to watch her even more i saw her choking the cat and trying to suffocate our dog with a pillow and body slamming him. my pets run away when they see her. even taking her to the store is a task i dread. some days are better than others but most i just end up so frustrated i cry. she doesnt understand how to calm down, car rides are hell with her, this morning i served us both cereal and shw grabbed my plate instead of hers and i told her about it and she gave me a big fit i let her keep my plate. she ended up flipping the plate upside down just to make me mad. i hate when she stims i find it embarassing. i cant leave the room for five seconds otherwise shes right behind me crying. she also self harms and hits me i heard it gets better for some people and some people it doesnt i just hope it does. idc if she never talks but i just hope she calms down thats all i wish for just her not yelling not giving me a hard time.

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 erika90744

    Posted

    Hi Erika - so sorry to read how difficult all this is for you. You are not a "bad mom." Your child has genetic disorder that cannot be cured, it can only be managed. Unfortunately these early years are more difficult because it's hard to reason with a toddler even when they are not Autistic. I don't profess to know much about Autism except for the fact that i am a twin and my brother is Autistic. Our mother - a clinical narcissist - would never accept this reality and so there has never been treatment for him. At 56 he's a mess and completely averse to getting help. I would suggest you reach out and try to find groups with moms with similar difficulties and children of a similar age. I am assuming you are in America - we are in Australia. Here there are support groups, but the real attention is on when the child gets older, for instance in their teens/early 20's where there are programs that guide them and provide environments for stability - work and even housing. I'm sorry i can't give you an answer having never been a parent, but I had to post to offer my sympathy, i just can't imagine how difficult this is for you. I should add that your first paragraph illustrates the hypocrisy and burden organised religion can be on humans - shameful.

  • rachel32316
    rachel32316 erika90744

    Posted

    My son was MUTE until age 8. did not talk. By then he was diagnosed AUTISM, I was P****D OFF!!! MY Son is now 24 and getting married. I will tell you why. I gave up viewing my son as AUTISM,feeling sorry for myself that he ALSO had horrific tempers,meltdowns and had in home workers until age 17!!!! My privacy as a MOM was ruined. But I GOT OVER MYSELF and I focused on what HE CAN DO,and that is GRAPHIC ARTS. HE can only FREELANCE for Companies because he cant be around alot of people. I am ALSO a Believer in JESUS CHRIST, its NOT Religion,its a RELATIONSHIP, when you mention RELIGION, you dont know Christ. I had 4 MISCARRIAGES!!! God finally gave me my son. There is a Living God. If you want my suggestions, grow up. To raise a special needs child,you CANNOT do it unless you GROW UP, put that child over EVERYTHING. And also call Mental Health hotline and get in home care for your child. I am 50 years old and I walked that life for 24 years.

    • wayne1962
      wayne1962 rachel32316

      Posted

      Rachel - lecturing someone and shouting is not how to communicate. A fifty year old should know better.

    • Mishandled_Gem
      Mishandled_Gem wayne1962

      Posted

      agreed

      ur post gets no sympathy about how u turned out coz if u put down others then thats a path u say u got over isnt a path people should chose. uplift , help or dont answer

      this mum is reaching out

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