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ill be honest cuz i feel like i have a lot on my chest. i never wanted to be a mom in my life ever, but I was raised as a christian and when i found i was pregnant i knew i couldnt abort due to my religious beliefs. Even though i had a baby out of wed lock.
Anyways fast forward three years my daughter has been diagnosed with autism. Its been a big blow but i knew she had something wrong with her due to her meltdowns she can have one that last 3 hours, she avoided eye contact and was non verbal. Altough she is talking a bit now shes not there yet.
i love her but my problem is i get so frustrated with her. i thought getting her pets would help with her being so needy but nope i got to watch her even more i saw her choking the cat and trying to suffocate our dog with a pillow and body slamming him. my pets run away when they see her. even taking her to the store is a task i dread. some days are better than others but most i just end up so frustrated i cry. she doesnt understand how to calm down, car rides are hell with her, this morning i served us both cereal and shw grabbed my plate instead of hers and i told her about it and she gave me a big fit i let her keep my plate. she ended up flipping the plate upside down just to make me mad. i hate when she stims i find it embarassing. i cant leave the room for five seconds otherwise shes right behind me crying. she also self harms and hits me i heard it gets better for some people and some people it doesnt i just hope it does. idc if she never talks but i just hope she calms down thats all i wish for just her not yelling not giving me a hard time.
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