Am I a lesbian or is HOCD?

Posted , 8 users are following.

Hi everyone,

Two days ago, I read an article that I saw on twitter that basically told me that I was a lesbian. It said that if you’ve only ever had crushes on male celebrities, you’re a lesbian or if you’ve never had a boyfriend, you’re a lesbian, or if you feel nervous around men, you’re a lesbian. I’m 18 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend and my only crushes have been on male celebrities like Harry Styles, Robert Pattinson, and the Backstreet Boys to name a few. My only real life crush was on a boy I went to high school with and I was obsessed with him and it took a while to get over him once I found out he didn’t like me back. I also had a crush on one of my gay friends when we first started becoming gay because I didn’t know that he wasn’t straight at the time. The article told me that if I had been attracted to gay men, it was because I’m attracted to femininity and automatically a lesbian. I have generalized anxiety disorder with agoraphobia and I take medicine for it. I do feel nervous and kind of panicky when boys are clearly flirting with me and I don’t like them back. Like I said, I’ve never had a boyfriend and my only kisses have been in theater. I’ve never had any romantic feelings towards girls that I am aware of but ever since I read that article I’ve been analyzing every aspect of my life that could be a sign that I’m a lesbian. When I was like 5, I told my mom that I wanted to marry my best friend at the time, but I don’t remember having a crush on her. My first crush that I remember was on Aladdin. I know that I am a deeply emotional person and I base my relationships even with friends on being able to like, trust and feel comfortable around them, and I’ve always thought that was the same way with boys but now that that article told me I’m a lesbian if I nervous when boys flirt with me, I’m questioning. I also would be jealous when my friends would get boyfriends when I was in middle and high school, but I don’t think it was because I wanted to date my friends, I think it was because I felt left out and wanted to have a boyfriend. I know this sounds confusing, but also this kind of reckoning with myself makes me think I must be a lesbian and I’m trying to cover it up. I’m just really confused and it’s all I think about. Like my brain will make me think “do you want to kiss and have sex with her” every time I see a woman ever since I read that article and I’m just freaking out and I can’t stop crying because I think I feel straight but my mind is telling me that I’m not and I just don’t know that I’m gay yet. Please help me I’m so sick of this. This same situation happened when I was 16 and one of my friends mom’s called me a lesbian. I was all strung up about it and had a lot of the same issues.

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    And every time I see something about someone being a gay, I take it as a sign that I’m gay and it’s the gods telling me that. I also have made myself take quizzes and read articles about being a lesbian to see if I can relate and I’m just so confused.
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  • Posted

    This isn't necessarily the answer you'll want, but it's one nonetheless.

    I cannot say if you're a lesbian, but neither can that article.

    First of all, only you know your actual feelings, only you can tell if you're attracted to one sex, but not the other. You could be bisexual and like both sexes, there's nothing wrong with that.

    Those articles are ridiculous, I like you am 18, I haven't even had crushes on male (or female) celebrities, the only crush I've had was on a transgender person (ftm), who I in fact still have a crush on, even though they've changed since them. Like you I get nervous around people that flirt with me, with both males and females. Despite all of this, I would call myself primarily heterosexual, because that's how I feel.

    It will take time to work out what you are, I thought I was bisexual who tended to go with homosexuality until last year.

    Sexuality isn't concrete, particularly when you're still developing such as we are, you will figure it out and the best way to do that is to meet new people and try different things.

    I do wish you luck in your search to find out and tell you not to worry over an article that was likely made to capitalise on people's uncertainty.

    (I know someone who dated guys exclusively till he was 27 , now he's married with a wife.) It can take years to figure it out, don't put your life on hold for that.


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    • Posted

      A good reply, reading an article that someone who doesn't know you from Adam has written and believing it's true of you is a sign of your anxiety, don't worry about it and in no way let it guide you regarding your sexuality you are what you are which at the moment your not sure of but time will tell.

      So long as your eventually happy with your choices then it's fine.

      18 is the start of your life and enjoy it to the best of your ability because it's not like a book where you can flick back to a previous time, look forward to all the great time's you will have be it with males or females

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  • Posted

    Wow, what a complete load of crap that article is!

    Nobody can tell you you're gay, straight or anything else. Only you know that and it's perfectly normal not even to know yourself at 18.

    My daughter is 19. I think she's had a couple of crushes on celebrities and one boy at school. She's really only interested in things with four legs at the moment. And that's fine. She'll figure it out eventually and we'll love and support her whatever...

    It doesn't matter what you are. You are you. And whatever that is is OK.

    Be happy x

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  • Posted

    Ridiculous , I was molested by my cousin when I was young and knew nothing about sex ( I'm male ) as a result i did whàt he did to me to my peer group thinking it was normal, when i found out it wasn't can u imagine my confusion ? But I always knew my sexuality so do u. Imim heterosexual , i was a late bl9omer , and I think u are as well u know your sexuality, dig deep and be proud either way 

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  • Posted

    Oh my goodness petal that article you read is nonsense. I'd love to see it so I could correct them.

    Basically it doesn't matter if you've had crushes on celebs, we all do!!

    Also age isn't a factor for heaven's sake.

    My youngest daughter didn't have her first serious boyfriend until she was 18 and now 2 & 1/2 years later they live together and are expecting their 1st child.

    At the end of the day if you feel physically attracted to the same sex as you, so what it's no ones business but yours. And if you are attracted to both genders fair play, you get the best of both worlds! Or if you are attracted to the opposite sex, great.

    Either way sweetheart there is only you and you alone that can understand and know your own sexuality.

    Whatever sexuality you are, I say BRILLIANT!!

    Take every article you read or even programmes etc with a large piece of salt.

    Trust me the only thing you can believe is yourself xxxx

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  • Posted

    Hi everyone,

    Thank you all for your reassuring words. I don’t think I’m a lesbian but I’m someone who is very influenced by outhet people’s words. I’m still really nervous about the whole situation, like I’ll say “if I see a reference about someone being gay on twitter or in a YouTube video, that must mean I’m gay” or yesterday I had the hiccups and I said to myself “if I hiccup again before 4:32, I must be a lesbian”. It’s all very confusing and scary and exhausting. I just want to feel like myself again instead of being plagued by the what if game. 

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    • Posted

      Sounds like a stupid article you’ve read.

      At 18 you’re still developing and questioning things like your sexuality. When my daughter was about 16, she had no interest in fashion, makeup and girly things in general. She’d not worn a dress since she was about 8 and that was under duress.

      From 16;to 18 she became very withdrawn and started drinking quite heavily. After finding numerous empty bottles in her bedroom and my wine always seemed to have less than I thought I’d left, I sat her down and we talked.

      In the end something clicked with me and I ended up just asking her if she was gay and she said yes.

      So what if you’re a lesbian, what’s the big deal? We’re all different. She’s my daughter and love is unconditional. She’s my daughter who I love very much. All you want for your children is for them to be happy.

      Theres absolutely nothing wrong with being a lesbian or homosexual. Some people have blue eyes, others brown. Sexuality is no different.

      You are still the same person who may or may not prefer the same sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong in that.

      You seem to think being gay is a problem. It’s only a problem if you let it. Be yourself, it’s your life, and as I said before, whats the problem?

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