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Two days ago, I read an article that I saw on twitter that basically told me that I was a lesbian. It said that if you’ve only ever had crushes on male celebrities, you’re a lesbian or if you’ve never had a boyfriend, you’re a lesbian, or if you feel nervous around men, you’re a lesbian. I’m 18 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend and my only crushes have been on male celebrities like Harry Styles, Robert Pattinson, and the Backstreet Boys to name a few. My only real life crush was on a boy I went to high school with and I was obsessed with him and it took a while to get over him once I found out he didn’t like me back. I also had a crush on one of my gay friends when we first started becoming gay because I didn’t know that he wasn’t straight at the time. The article told me that if I had been attracted to gay men, it was because I’m attracted to femininity and automatically a lesbian. I have generalized anxiety disorder with agoraphobia and I take medicine for it. I do feel nervous and kind of panicky when boys are clearly flirting with me and I don’t like them back. Like I said, I’ve never had a boyfriend and my only kisses have been in theater. I’ve never had any romantic feelings towards girls that I am aware of but ever since I read that article I’ve been analyzing every aspect of my life that could be a sign that I’m a lesbian. When I was like 5, I told my mom that I wanted to marry my best friend at the time, but I don’t remember having a crush on her. My first crush that I remember was on Aladdin. I know that I am a deeply emotional person and I base my relationships even with friends on being able to like, trust and feel comfortable around them, and I’ve always thought that was the same way with boys but now that that article told me I’m a lesbian if I nervous when boys flirt with me, I’m questioning. I also would be jealous when my friends would get boyfriends when I was in middle and high school, but I don’t think it was because I wanted to date my friends, I think it was because I felt left out and wanted to have a boyfriend. I know this sounds confusing, but also this kind of reckoning with myself makes me think I must be a lesbian and I’m trying to cover it up. I’m just really confused and it’s all I think about. Like my brain will make me think “do you want to kiss and have sex with her” every time I see a woman ever since I read that article and I’m just freaking out and I can’t stop crying because I think I feel straight but my mind is telling me that I’m not and I just don’t know that I’m gay yet. Please help me I’m so sick of this. This same situation happened when I was 16 and one of my friends mom’s called me a lesbian. I was all strung up about it and had a lot of the same issues.
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