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Am I a no hoper?

Posted , 3 users are following.

airportlife
airportlife

Hi Guys. I don't know if anyone can help me here but I am in trouble and I don't know what to do. I'll make it as brief as I can. I am a flight attendant. I had an accident whilst working a flight in 2013. Since then I have been off sick with anxiety. I have had CBT, EMDR, Hypnosis, Reiki and have just been struck off the councelling list (as I have had all my sessions available) I am taking propanolol 20mg daily as well as 2mg diazapam and have been back to work for 3 days now. Today at work was horrible. Every single move the aircraft made I nearly broke down. I am so worried I am failing with everything I have learnt. It is so hard to hold a memory of anything good when we hit a bumpy patch in the air and I feel as if I am losing control. 

Can anyone please help me? I am scared stiff to take any other medication as my company could find out and fire me. I am literally at my wits end with this fear, yet it is a job I have adored for 10 years now and already tonight I am starting to panic about tomorrow and if I can even get out of bed to go to work. 

Anyone please have some advice before I literally go insane with anxiety 

sad

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • tonya46846
    tonya46846 airportlife

    Posted

    I'm so sorry to hear that.. Go the bathroom and splash cold water on your face.. Why can they fire you over taking meds?
    • tonya46846
      tonya46846

      Posted

      I meant when your on the flight and get anxiety do the water trick,breathing technics help. Talking to the passengers or other flight members may help..
    • airportlife
      airportlife tonya46846

      Posted

      Tonya they would fire me as my company uses any excuse to fire people these days. We have to be medically fit to fly and although my doctor would never tell my company about what medication I am on, it is just extremely risky to fly whilst taking medication. I would just hate to get fired because I am on medication. I know its not legal but my company are so huge they can do pretty much what they like and get away with it.
    • tonya46846
      tonya46846 airportlife

      Posted

      That's very sad.. Nobody understands this illness unless they have experienced it.. Good luck girl hugs to you ❌❌❌
  • louise1974
    louise1974 airportlife

    Posted

    Hey there

    First of all NO you are not a no hoper.  I really feel for you as I'm sure it's a really hard job to do with anxiety.  My advice really would be to try and anti depressant which works long term.  Can they actually find out if you're taking anything else? I mean I'm sure you're not the first flight attendant and won't be the last one, probably folk keep quiet about it.  I have suffered on and off with anxiety since 18 years old and I'm now 40 and I have tried everything from therapy, CBT, yoga, meditation, Propanolol etc etc but the ONLY thing that works for me is an anti depressant.  Currently I'm on Citalopram and seriously my life would be hell without it.  Why live in this hell if you can do something about it?  There is always an answer I promise you that.  Can they actually fire you for taking medication?  I would urge you to think about it, life is too short to feel so bad and I know from personal experience what a bloody nightmare it is.

    • airportlife
      airportlife louise1974

      Posted

      Thank you Louise. I think I am going to have to head back to the doctors and get some citalopram. I was on them many years ago and they made me feel good. However I have chosen not to use them this time as I don't honestly feel I am depressed. When I am not working I exercise, see friends and I am a completely chilled out and happy person to be around. This is why I am not sure about taking them again. Hell, I am on beta blockers for goodness sake I may as well start taking them again. I just hope I can go to work tomorrow. I can't believe how stressed out I am about this. It's ridiculous. I never knew anxiety was this crippling. I just wish there was a magic pill for all this.. sad
    • louise1974
      louise1974 airportlife

      Posted

      I wasn't depressed either.  Well only what the anxiety made me after month and months of suffering, that would test the patience of a saint.  I would say my main issue is and always has been anxiety and for me it works (Cit).  For you it's situational anxiety, being back at work must bring back all those old feelings and I think that's understandable.  I had a friend surprise me with a visit last week and last time she was here I was a mess.  I felt fine for months but when she was here I honest felt really anxious, woke up with that horrid muscle tension and pain and churning stomach, it really threw me so I think I know how you are feeling.  

      Yeah it can be that crippling, it's awful, if I could tell you my experiences in one paragraph I would but all I can say is that normally I'm a very very strong, outgoing, independent person and at times I have been turned into a weepy, needy, can't go out of the house wihtout sheer fear kind of person.  Thank God however I feel great now on the Cit.  

    • airportlife
      airportlife louise1974

      Posted

      Thank you Louise. I went to the doctor today and got a couple of months worth of citalopram 20mg with some more diazepam 2mg which I am going to start taking religiously now. I am concerned that the diazepam is addictive as the doctor said so will just have to keep an eye on it. 

      I am so glad you are on the mend. This is just so unlike me, to be scared of my job. I am desperate to return to work feeling calm and if meds have to do then they will.. I'm keeping everything crossed. 

      Thank you x

    • louise1974
      louise1974 airportlife

      Posted

      Hey

      Good on you.  Hopefully you won't need to take the Diazepam long so it should be fine.  Just take it when you need it to calm yourself and hopefully when the Cit kicks in it won't be an issue.  I really believe you've done the right thing.  The citalopram can take a really good while to work fully and sometimes you will doubt it's working but have patience you will really get there in the end.  Are you still working or have you taken some time off?

  • gwen1953
    gwen1953 airportlife

    Posted

    Hi. How long were you taking the medication before you went back to work? It may be that your body hasn't adjusted to it yet. You also have to take into account that you haven't been at work for sometime so you are bound to be nervous and anxious. Are you on long haul or short haul flights?  Perhaps you can do reduced hours/flights until you have been working for say a month. When you say you are scared stiff to take any other medication does that mean you have been offered something else by your doctor?  If so how could your company find out?

    Please return to your doctor and tell him how things have been since your return to work and see what he suggests.  Good Luck in time I'm sure you'll be fine.

    • airportlife
      airportlife gwen1953

      Posted

      Hi Gwen, I have been taking the propanolol for about a month now and the diazepam for 5 days. I have been prescribed citalopram today so have started them immediately. I only do the short haul flights and my roster has been made for me as a return to work help. I only work three days a work but I went mad yesterday on day 1 so I decided to call in sick before I really have a break down. 

      I am scared because I know these things can be addictive and that is the last thing I want. I also know they are only temporary so I am hoping by the end f this year I will find myself another job.

      Thank you for your kind words. I am keeping everything crosed for sure. x

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