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Am I a pedophile?

Posted , 5 users are following.

megan54800
megan54800

Hi guys, I didn’t know where to post this in so I figured here. Before I begin, please don’t judge me because I really do hate myself for this. I just want help! 

So I’m 18 years old and for about 5 months now I’ve been getting really bad sexual thoughts about my little cousins and children, I DONT WANT THESE THOUGHTS! I don’t know if I’m a pedophile or if it’s like a form of ocd. 

I would do anything for these thoughts to go away, if someone could make them go away I would tell them to, if I had to get stabbed 100 times for them to go away, I would do it in a heart beat. 

Through my teenage years I never ever got any kind of sexual thoughts about children, I just used to think they were cute and stuff but now every child I see I keep thinking I fancy them, or ‘what if you’re a pedophile, you fancy that child, you think that child is handsome and cute, you must fancy him then’. 

These thoughts don’t go away no matter how hard I try, I don’t know if I am a pedophile or not, I’ve been reading up loads about pedophiles and some want to be and some don’t! So what if I’m just a pedophile that doesn’t want to be onesad. This is ruining my life and I’m pushing everyone away that I’m close too, even my boyfriend because I feel guilty and disgusting and it’s not fair on him to be with me because I’m so awful. I have a therapist and I’ve told her all about this, but nothing seems to be working, so what if I actually am a pedophile. 

The thoughts started coming after I saw a video on the social media that was going viral of a girl giving oral sex to her little brother who was very young, I didn’t watch the video on purpose but it just came up as the picture, everyone was talking about it and sharing it everywhere and the video made me feel disgusting and sad for that little boy sad after that all these thoughts have flooded my mind and not gone away. Whenever someone would talk about a child being sexually abused I would get really upset. I fear that one day I will go crazy and do something, which I don’t want to dosad I’m having very bad thoughts about hurting myself and I just want them to go away, I really don’t want to be attracted to young children! I wouldn’t say I get urges to do something but if I’m around my little cousins, my head will tell me to do something to them, I don’t want to do it and I won’t but I’m very scared about having these thoughts. 

I was also sexually abused when I was younger, nothing too extreme but yeah, please can someone help me! Do I sound like a pedophile to you? Please help! 

1 like, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • marleen85993
    marleen85993 megan54800

    Posted

    Hi Megan l can't comment on what way a paedophile thinks but l have had obsessive thoughts through anxiety and depression.We have millions of thoughts everyday and we pick one thought which scares us the most.The more we fear the thought the more power it has over us.Round and round it goes.Isolating yourself is also giving the thoughts more control.l do not believe you will act on any of the thoughts you have to trust yourself enough to believe that a thought doesn't lead to an action.

    Please stop googling about paedophiles and practice accepting your thoughts for what they are just another trick of anxiety to make you feel more vulnerable and scared.

  • jan34534
    jan34534 megan54800

    Posted

    Megan,  anxiety can actually make you think things that you would not normally want to think. Reading about such things will only add fuel to the fire. I think if you get some help with the anxiety it’s self , Those other thoughts will diminish. Anxiety makes your mind race and crazy thoughts can occur.. You don’t have to be controlled by them.  Be a fighter for yourself because you know you would never act on such thoughts. 

     I highly recommend that you speak with a counselor for the anxiety it’s self because being alone in your thoughts is the worst thing you can do. Isolation is not good. Make sure you keep yourself busy  whether it’s work, school, social activities, etc 

     One day at a time, but get that support. You’d be amazed at how much it can help! 🌸🌸🌸🌸🙂

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