Am I a really bad person??

Posted , 12 users are following.

I'm going to say maybe about 2 years ago I did something terrible and just disgusting and illegal. I don't know why I did it but I can't take it back. Lately I've learnt to live with it but every now and then it slips back in my mind. Last night it came back to me completely and I was in a state where I just told myself I'm a bad person. I'm a terrible person and I deserve to die. I laid in bed telling myself that last night and I believed it. Do I deserve to die because of what I did? I can't tell anyone because I know everyone would hate me and I don't blame them, I hate myself for what I did. It's consuming me and I don't know how to live with what I did. I'm a believer in god and I'm terrified that God hates me because of what I did. I feel like i want to self harm. Every time I see someone I think "i bet they haven't done something as bad as me" I'm not a rude person, I treat everyone with respect and I have a great family and friend life but I don't know why I did what I did.

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey jess01796,

    Self realization is the highest level of service you can render the world. Everybody makes mistakes and terrible things. But only a few people with the most beautiful of hearts really accept their fault and try to be better people.

    You are one such beautiful persone Jess. So stop worrying. Whatever happened is the past. Try to see how you can make a difference in the future. God loves you and everybody in this world. We learn from our mistakes.

    This self relaization is nothing but you growing into a good person. Embrace it as it is helping you be a better person, to do good things for other people in need. 

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  • Posted

    Hi jess,

    Being a believer in God, have you confessed your deeds to him and asked for forgiveness.

    If we were all pure and without sin what a beautiful Earth we would have.

    Who I wonder is the most pure of heart, they who have lived in a world of temptation and evil but succumbed and repented or those who lock themselves away from temptation and evil, and feel more holier than thow because of it.

    You and you alone know why you are travelling this path, and only you can decide whether you take the easy or hard road.

    God bless you,

    Mike.

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  • Posted

    dear jess, you sound like a good person, because you probably are. we all make mistakes. we are all human. i know what its like to do something dreadful that fills me with shame. stuff that happened in my early twenties....a long time ago. stuff i would keep a secret till the grave. it haunted me, and i still feel bad. but fortunately i shared my stuff with my therapist. it was almost impossible to do, but i did it. the world didn't fall apart. i felt better getting it off my chest. she didn't act shocked and kick me out of her office. i figured maybe people have done worse, and i wasn't so bad after all. mistakes happen. you should share your story with a professional who won't judge you. you'll feel better. and after more years go by, you'll learn how to deal with things, even forgive yourself. i'm sorry you feel lousy now. i can remember feeling the same way. try not to be too hard on yourself. try not making the same mistake again. please don't be too hard on yourself, it never helps. i hope you feel better very soon.

    truly laura

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  • Posted

    Hi Jess,

    I too believe in God and when you confess your sins to God and you have real remorse, as you do, you are forgiven.

    One bad choice, does not define who you are. Everyone has regrets and things they wish they could take back.  Maybe what you could do is try and make ammends.  If you what you did was to another person maybe you can do something to help them...

    I really hope it wasn't about an animal, but if it was you can volunteer at a a shelter.

    You can make a wrong.. right.  I really think if you did something like this it would really help.

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  • Posted

    Hey Jess,

    If God hated all sinners why did he create forgiveness?

    Everyone has things they regret and as a whole society functions on the learnings from past mistakes. You feel bad now but clearly there must have been a reason you decided to do that bad thing and you are digusted because right now that reason no longer makes sense. Ultimately you may always look back on this with a cringe because thats how we learn to be good. You may just draw it up to be some stupid thing you did and it doesnt matter now. All anyone can ask is that you learned from it and if you have done that then there is no reason to be ashamed. Maybe you are just guilty because you felt like you got away with it, in which case tell someone you can trust or your local priest for example, confessing can help with these feelings. Hope for all the best Jess.

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  • Posted

    Jess, you're beating yourself up. No need for that. Since you are believer in God, I suggest you seek the counsel/advice of a priest/paster. Tell them you would like to talk to relieve that heavy burden that's bearing down on your shoulder's. You set it up, curtain or a confessional between the two of you. 

    You did this awful thing, you fix it and move on w/out regret.

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  • Posted

    Hi Jess! I read your analysis of yourself and for whatever reason you feel like whatever it is you done is the worst possible thing anyone has ever done and FYI, it's not. Everyone has things they've done in their lives that they aren't particularly proud of. I'm sure if we all could go back in time we would all make changes with certain things but unfortunately we can't. What we do have to do though is fine a way to find forgiveness for ourselves somehow and go on with life. You have to stop hating yourself and realize it was a mistake, and it will never be repeated. Forgive yourself, find love within and out this behind you. You don't deserve this, and Noone deserves to die. That's not our choice anyway, when it's your time to die God will make that decision, not you. I'm no Bible thumper myself but God hates no one, and he will forgive you if you just ask. But you have to mean it with all your heart, and also ask him to help you to forgive yourself. That's the key here is you have to guilt beating yourself up, find a way to get by whatever it is that is making you feel like such a bad person and move forward. You need to talk to someone in a professional manner that can help you to do these things. You are NOT a bad person, your human and you made a mistake, that's all you have done! We've all done that remember that. Good luck and I'm here if you want to talk. I'm Jeannie! 🙂

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  • Posted

    The lord has agape love for you. Ask for forgiveness and he will give it to you. Jesus loves you very much. The darkness is telling you the lies that your sin is unforgiveable. Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened for you. Jesus loves you.
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  • Posted

    Hi Jess - we are all a combination of good deeds and bad deeds. We all have done things we wish we could take back. But they are done and life moves on. We all have the ability to dwell on the negative aspects until it becomes circular thought. But what about all the good things you have done? What about all the good things that you are? How much do they outweigh that bad thing you did? You do good things most every day, and that bad thing you are dwelling on - how many days did you do that? One? Two? A week? Would you do that bad thing again? No. It's done. It's not who you are. You should be proud of that.

    If you are having too much trouble dealing with what you have done and cannot change, perhaps you dhould seek a counsellor/therapist to discuss the matter with. You will need to be open and honest. The counsellor/therapist have restrictions like a lawyer - client confidentiality - so they cannot 'report' you for whatever you say unless you threaten your or someone elses life.

    Finally, this notion that God hates "sinners" etc - it's a construct invented by religions to keep the sheep fearful. Your life is a journey of self discovery and experience. o God hates you for living and being human. Best of luck for your wonderful future.

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    • Posted

      Sorry, Jess, that last paragraph should read "NO God hates you for living and being human." 

      Hate is an emotion experienced and practised only by humans. Don't hate yourself for anything.

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