Am I bi polar or normal?

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I dont know, ever since being a child, my only escape, (well for me is music). Ive never been able to communicate with my mum without somesort of sattire/sarcasm- mind you, neither has she, everything either has to be really funny, or pure doom and morbid, :lol: well like mother and daughter. I am just emotionally undone.

I am a 31 yr old woman. Mother of 2, never been married, I have no desire to be either. i dont think if I took this to my docs, they would pay any attention to me? I do have friends that are also bipolar, and have told me for many years that I am , but I am unsure...life events take over. Situation anfd all do , do strange things to your head, but I am finding that I am either giving everything my best, or giving up. exhaustion , meets desperation. When things go bad, like if someone dies, Like last yr my aunt Freda died, suddenly, she was not a true blood relation, but the last contact I had with my aunt and cousins. I took it badly, really badly. Why she was at my aunts funeral, and we were not invited to hers disturbs me. Thats when I started to despair about life, and id either give everything my best, or not at all. Maybe I am just fine, who knows, nobody says anything. I do know that I am a little dyspraxic,/dyslexic, but at my new place of work they seem to find it funny...I am afterall only human. Someone, would they just tell me. I do know that I was of the Odhd scale(whatevre) as a child. Testd for dyslexia twice, but honthing came up as I hvae a good memory ( or rathe , had a good memory). Does anyone know? Or am I alone here?

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  • Posted

    Hi Katy

    No one can diagnose for you on here hun. You need to voice your concerns with your GP.

    Are you still having councilling? If so, ask her/him.

    How long have you been on the citalopram now? Maybe they aren't the right ones for you. Try asking your GP for a different AD's

    I admire how you are holding down a job having read some of your posts thses last few days.

    Katy, I'll say this again and again and again.....You are speaking to the wrong people here on this forum when asking what we think you might have. Only your GP and councillor can help you to get a proper diagnosis

    My new tablets have done me wo nders, hardly any side effects and feeling able to get the house chores done. I'm up and about shoppimg-lol we even went to blacjkpool bank holiday weekend. I enjoyed it so much the day after we went to Morecombe. I can ansy the door and chat away quite cheerfully to them.

    I am starting back at work a week on monday - jst the mornings to start off with review it at the end of each week.

    Anyway hun you [u:5b0fae3280][color=red:5b0fae3280][b:5b0fae3280]NEED TO ASK YOUR DOCTOR WHAT HE THINKS YOU MAY BE SUFFERING FROM.[/b:5b0fae3280][/color:5b0fae3280][/u:5b0fae3280]

    [size=18:5b0fae3280][color=blue:5b0fae3280]Until you have discussed it with your GP - you are never going to know, are you?[/color:5b0fae3280][/size:5b0fae3280][b:5b0fae3280]

    Love n hugs

    Melbi xxx[/b:5b0fae3280]

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  • Posted

    Hey, Melbi, soo good to hear from you.

    At this precise moment, I am feeling sick, withthe dizziness. Butgood, i am so glad you are still here, and not thrown yourself in front oftraffice. Bleess you.

    ivve had a good day, but awful now!!!! threw up in the loo and sooo dizzy, i also have a really itchy mouth!!!mELBI, LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF ....SORRY BUT CANT FIND THE LAUGHS OR WORDS TO EXPLAINIT. i FEEL SOODESPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPERATE!1

    i DID MANAGE TOO EAT A sandwhivh today= thats got to be good newss. Iam going to brdnow. I hope O go comam take careall you people.

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  • Posted

    Hi Katy & all

    Yes lol I'm still here! :shock:

    I have finished my CBT and go back to work (part time) a week on Monday :D :D :D :D

    The tablets (paroxetine-seroxat) are working really well for me.

    I'm more or less back to my old normal self - busy around the house, going out shopping, socialising etc.

    Hope everyone here is doing well.

    Love 'n' hugs

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Melbi, its good to hear that you are doing so well. i am happy for you - just wish I could be a bit more level. hey hooo, woke up this morning, with one thought, snapped out of it when becca came into my bedroom with moisturiser all over haer face, and then gave me a massive kiss :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: I love her soo much, she does not deserve a crap mum like me, with these awful selfish thoughts swirling round my head. This behaviour of mine has to stop. I have to stop this madness. Someone please understand.

    Melbi, work, so far has been the best!! Good luck with your return, You sound well, so proud of you. take care, katy

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  • Posted

    :oops: Me again :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: I am feeling awful!!! hes just left for work, He just does not care who he upsets!!!! I am sure hes a sociopath!!!! Doing that thing, that blaiming thing again, and then moans at me for me doing nothing except tryin g to provide for my children.....Sorry, I feel so alon, so alone, so scared, so petrified to move out of this situation. I just dont think anyone could understamd how I feel unless they had lived my life, Sorry, thats the truth.

    You could sya, \"this will never happen to you again\" Well, I am not so sure because its like, I always attract the durnks, the looneys anyone who is a bit different, I am like a magnet that way, and they a piece of me

    tal...its so true...ive had this conversation so many times with people, its not that I am anything, just a bloody target.

    If I remeber the night that we met, tasted the wine that Ill never forget, open the doorway and saw through the light , Motions of movements and I felt the light,he spoke the freddom , the wisdom that took me away from the bed, I felt forgiven and all ive become. Small places, open to see, blinded like me. Try to understand, that your just a man hoping to score, just like me. Try to pretnend who you again. Hate in the long. I have become emotionally undone, the words to describe these absurd thoughts, > I am loosing myself, my desire. No reason in life for me. I cant divide my heart from me. I dont know who Im meant to be. I guess its just the person that I am. The gift of my mistake. Then again, I am wrong, I confess. No reason in this life for me. I am loosing my desires, No reaon in life for me.

    Buggered if I can find the words to say. Whenevr I take a choice it turns away. Im always so unsure. Ive travelled so far but somehow feel the same. Im worn out thinking of why.

    Lovlio Poplio, dont know where Id be had I not found this site. Ataste of life that I cant describe, choking up my mind. That faith cant decide. On and on I carry on and on andon I tell myself its this I cant disguise. i sound dtrunk and Ive not been drinking. If only I could see, turn myself me, and recognise the poison in my heart.

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  • Posted

    :lol: Not tooo worry, this time last week I was about to admit myself to and A and E departmetn with Schizophrenia. So oh well nevermind
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  • Posted

    :shock: My 8 yr ols has decided to organise me, without telling me. Yes sooo funny, stuck stickers on her draewrs...pant drawer, socks drawer Teddys drawer, trouser drawer, and so on ....what a laugh!!!!!!!!! Bless her.....look baby just cause you got straight As in your report card gives you no right to bosss yur old mummy about......does it????? Oh shes a sweetheart really, I am soo restless now, but keep thinking I am going to collapse with this dizziness.
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