Am I depressed or just going through a phase?

Posted , 5 users are following.

First of all - I just want to say, I didnt take to posting to this site lightly.  I have spent a long time wondering if I was just a moody so and so or whether there was more to it.  It may turn out I am just moody but its been going on too long to leave it and I just feel like going to the doctors would be a waste of their time.

So, my story.  I regularly feel down but its not just an occassional blue day, I almost feel like I spend my whole time looking back at my life and regretting things. Not just major decisions, but the minor details - silly things like choices of clothing and conversations I had 10 years ago.

I must add that there are days when I also have major major highs, doing silly things like taking the dog for a walk with the kids or just simply listening to music and singing (badly) along to it.

Music has always played a major part of my life (big cliche' I know) but I have found recently I am using this as a defensive mechanism. Almost like I am turning my music up to block out everything else (metaphorically - I'm just listnening to a lot more).

My worry is this is starting to impact on home life.  I dont have the perfect marriage - I came to accept that many years ago - but we are together for the kids and trying our hardest to make this work so that we have 2 girls who have everything they need (and they are girls to be proud of).  Recently its been like I have been looking for reasons to tell them off rather than focussing on the things they are doing well.  My oldest daughter (7) is beautiful and top of her class in everything, yet I find the silliest things to get annoyed at her for. Then I look back and think how irrational I am being with her! What is wrong with me?

Sh*t, this was supposed to be a small note.  I've gone on and on and I am crying now that I have written it down.  Question answered methinks!!

What the hell do I do now?!!?  What a mess - all my own fault! 

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  • Posted

    I don't know if it's depression I feel the same as you I'm listening to music because it was /is a big part of my life I have children who are young and I feel they are been effected by this next time you start to feel irritated make sure to try and focus on how they is no reason everybody gets frustrated but this could really effect your daughter in the long run like my little girl noticed me change so when I realised how I had been so moody all the time it was affecting her and even her behaviour so you sound strong to me 😀 try to think positive and be happy let the music make you happy
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  • Posted

    Hi Trebor no wonder you are feeling frustrated can't be easy to work on your marriage because of the children maybe that is the underlying cause is that why you get frustrated are you subconsciously blaming them for you having to work at your marriage? I think most people have some regrets but you can't move forward if you keep looking back 

    I wish you all the best 

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  • Posted

    Why is it all your own fault? you probably are depressed and need to see a doctor i did have depression being stuck in an unhappy marriage wanting it to work for the childs sake but medication is not the answer for me ,it is good to write things down on a diary you can look back on it and see you will have good days and bad ,good luck.
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